Happy new year! 14 days late haha whatever.

I've been reading my old blog posts ever since this blog first existed. This little place of mine where I express my deep thoughts and feelings and opinions is now nearly five years old hahah. And judging by everything that I've written here for the past five years, I think 2012 has changed me the most, and I think you know what I'm talking about.

I still can't be thankful enough for being accepted into PASUM sometime in June last year. Deep down inside I actually wanted to go to a private university, mainly because of the luxuries that private universities would normally have. What can I say? I was a materialistic snob who had high standards, who looked down on others who were not of equal status to mine. I was very reluctant about continuing my studies in UM when I first found out that I got accepted into PASUM, mainly because it was a public university. Back then I didn't know how lucky I was to actually have the opportunity that many people were dying for; the opportunity to be enrolled into a top-ranking university, with high standards and whatnot.

My first couple of weeks of being in PASUM were quite...tough. It was hard for me to fit in with my coursemates, with those intimidating streaks of red and purple running through my hair (I was hijab-less back then, duh). I can't exactly remember when I first officially resided at the 12th residential college, but it wasn't immediate. I did have a room at first, but it was on the first floor and the location was just uninspiring. Weeks after that, after I managed to be friends with a few good people, my good friend Mia informed me that there was a room available on the same floor as hers, the 6th floor. She told me that my current roommate's ex-roommate had moved out, so there was space available for me. I then found out that Mia would be my neighbour, that we'd be sharing the same balcony, and that the view from our balcony is just amazing. So without hesitating, I immediately decided to move in to that room.

I actually had very little trouble trying to settle myself in my new room at the residential college. I was very happy with the room I got and I managed to become very good friends with my roommate and my two neighbours, Mia and Jannah, and we'd randomly walk into each other's rooms via our shared balcony, having a laugh or just being there for some company.

I think the biggest turning point of my life is when I first donned on the hijab for good. I actually had the intention to start wearing the hijab a few weeks before I actually did it, it's just that I wasn't ready enough to do it. I expressed my intention of wearing the hijab to Mia, who is also my very, very good friend and also my coursemate, and she gave me such a promising response that motivated and inspired me even further. Weeks went by, and then the time eventually came.

It was a Saturday, and we'd just ended class. I was lying down on my bed, staring at the ceiling, deep in my own thoughts. I had the strong urge to head over to Mia's room, to borrow a tudung of hers so that I could see how I would look like with a hijab on. It's not that I haven't worn a tudung all my life. Back in school during Pendidikan Islam I'd put on the tudung because it was compulsory, but that was a different thing. I wore the tudung during religious lessons because I was required to, not because I wanted to. But this time, it was different. So much different.

My ego was trying to get the best of me, but eventually I won. So that afternoon, after being so deep in my own thoughts, I eventually got up from my bed and headed over to Mia's room. She was busy packing her stuff to go home, so I sat on the edge of her bed and finally expressed to her what was in my head. I requested to borrow a tudung of hers, just to see how I would look like in a proper hijab. Her face immediately changed from skeptical to happy. As I saw her face slowly morphing into a wide, happy smile, my heart melted, in a good way. She hugged me tight and immediately went over to her closet and pulled out a black scarf for me to try on. Both of us stood in front of her mirror, and then I placed the black cotton cloth that's been folded into a triangle over my head. I borrowed one of Mia's pins and pinned the scarf in place. Mia helped me throughout the whole process and as I stood back and looked at the person staring back at me in the mirror, my heart softened. I was in a proper hijab, and I felt so different. That person in the black hijab staring back at me in the mirror wasn't like me at all. It was a different person, but I liked her and I wanted to be her; the girl staring back at me in the mirror.

Behind me, Mia was already giggling and clapping in excitement, hoping for me to finally put on the hijab for good. Her response was just so positive and so optimistic that it really pushed me further towards my intention to wear the hijab for good. And I still remember, after I removed the black scarf from my head and went back to my room to continue doing my own stuff, Mia had to go home. And I remember the way she hugged me tightly in encouragement before she had to leave. To me, that hug meant a lot. And what do you know, the day after that, I was already putting on the hijab for good. Alhamdulillah :)

PASUM changed me a lot. The people I've met there are life-changing. Most of them have a very strong religious background, unlike me when I first entered PASUM. Somewhere along the way, they've inspired me to start building up on my faith. They were the ones who motivated me to become a better Muslimah, no matter how indirectly or intentionally.

I just love my friends there. They've taught me to become humble, to be moderate in all aspects of life and to not be so snobbish about what I already have. They've taught me to become more serious about my religion and they've taught me to be more open, to accept all kinds of people from all kinds of different backgrounds. They've taught me a lot and without them, I wouldn't be who I am today.

And of course, how can I forget that one night at the cafeteria when I first experienced the feeling of having someone ask you for your number, right to your face? Hahahaha. It was his courage and determination that won me over and look where we are now :)

Yep. 2012 changed me a lot. The people I've met in PASUM are wonderful and I just love the community there. I also found a friend and a sister in Mia, my coursemate, because she was the one who has stuck with me from the very beginning since I first entered PASUM, until now. She was the one who encouraged me to become a better Muslimah in all aspects of Islam, she's the one who constantly confronts me on my mistakes, she's the one who constantly advises me. I admit, sometimes my attitude towards her is just harsh and rude, not because of her, but because of my short-tempered-ness which I have yet to work on to get rid of it. But Mia has always been there for me and I do not want to lose her as a friend, not even when we're all done with PASUM. I sincerely hope that the both of us can pursue our degree in Architecture together in UM later when we're done with PASUM. She's like my best friend now but I don't think she'd think the same of me :p

Also, I met the one person who 'saved' me from all those bad guys out there. The person who made me a promise to never touch me intentionally for as long as we're not err...you know, the M word. The one person who further made me want to become a good daughter, a good student, and most importantly, a good Muslimah.

I can't imagine my life without these two people, and also the friends and acquaintances I've made along the way. Forever grateful to them all. Alhamdulillah :)