Iman Nedhiera

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Intensely passionate about photography and other artsy fartsy farts. An avid nature-lover. Highly obsessed with sunny afternoons and evenings, funky-looking clouds, and sunsets. Deeply infatuated with all things old, vintage, and kitschy. Highly sentimental. An enthusiast in baking, photography, and music :)


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Thursday, July 30
10:07 PM

I FOUND MY BLUE MECHANICAL PENCIL!

Ugh, I hate it when I seem to have found my lost belongings when I'm not even intending to search for it.

I still can't find my velvety white ribbon :'(

Some people are just so bitchy, I tell you. Talk like crap, all that's coming out of their mouths is their own filthy shit. Heh, no wonder, they're only doing it because they're so inferior. Who's a child now, huuuuuuh?

But, oh well. Whatever. You can't seem to control the words coming out of other people's lips.



Wednesday, July 29
4:50 PM

I lost my expensive blue Faber-Castell mechanical pencil . . . which was bought a few days ago!

And I misplaced my favourite white ribbon, the special one. The one with the velvety surface.

My room is not untidy, it is, in fact, otherwise well organized. So how can I lose it? WHY DO I KEEP ON LOSING THINGS???!!



Tuesday, July 28
6:47 PM

13 days to go.

Bye bye :)



Monday, July 27
6:19 PM

I am so stressed that it's giving me a headache.

I have so much to do and yet I feel like as if there's so little time.

I've never been this stressed about my studies before, but all that has changed. I'm too stressed about my education to think about other things like socializing, and having fun, and relaxing.

Nowadays, keeping myself secluded from everyone else is like a remedy to my stress. My temper is on the verge of falling off the cliff when no one even gets in contact with me, never mind about what's going to happen when they piss me off.

I've been acting like a pain in the ass nowadays. I want straight A's for PMR this year, I really, really do! Well, who doesn't lah kan? You'd have to be an imbecile to not want excellent results.

I'm veeeeery fragile right now. I'm like a very thin strand of hair, a slight pull and I can split in half. I can snap. Just like that.

What am I still doing? I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING!!!

Trials are in two weeks; August 10th. I guess this means that I won't be entertaining any calls/messages for the next three weeks (including the week of the trials itself).

Hopefully I can score the trials. InsyaAllah. Wish me luck!



Wednesday, July 22
6:53 PM

So . . . freaking . . . stressed!

Need. To. Kill. Someone!!

Trials are in three weeks. Less than three weeks, actually.

PMR is in less than three months.

12 more weeks . . . that doesn't sound so long...

You know what, I don't care. I don't care if I'm messed up right now, frantic to the point where I'm on the verge of exploding. I want that straight A's, it's just within my reach. I want to be in a class full of math geeks and science nerds, like me.

I don't care if people see the frown plastered across my face, thinking I'm a snob.

I don't care if they think I talk big but no action. What do they know? They don't live in the same household as me, they don't know how much I try to work hard for exams.

I don't care if my friends bail out on me, because of my fragile temper due to the amount of stress that is so grandiose. But then again, I know they wouldn't do that. They've always been by my side, even when my temper was on the verge of falling off the cliff.

I don't care about anything. Except PMR. Three letters, three syllables, they're everywhere! They're always ringing in my mind, so loud and great like the bell of Notre Dame.

My parents are praying that I'd get straight A's for PMR. So is my science teacher.

All the best, Iman. Get straight A's. I want to see you on that stage bila the results keluar.

See? That's what my science teacher said :')

I can do it. Of course I can. In the twelve upcoming weeks, I'm going to work hard like I've never did before. I don't care if I'll pass out due to mental exhaustion, or dehydration, because I know it'll be worth it. Like I said before, my parents, my siblings, they've imprinted their trait of determination on me. I'm just like them, driven to succeed.

I want to be called up on stage when taking the results. I want my name to be announced, saying that I've gotten straight A's. I want to cry and jump and laugh in joy over those straight A's.

PMR, bring it on.



Tuesday, July 21
6:17 PM

I think I was born to be different. I think I'm supposed to be different. . .

When I was just a wee toddler, I used to play with trucks and cars (especially my brother's, heh heh). I didn't wear those old-fashioned frilly dresses with laces at the hems, instead I wore baggy shorts and big t-shirts and rugged sandals. I didn't play with Barbie dolls, once in a blue moon I'd end up with a Barbie doll in my tiny hands, brushing its fake mane of platinum blonde hair.

As I grew up, having my daily dose of education in primary school, I liked to occupy my time by watching Art Attack and try to recreate what I just saw on TV. I was a tomboy, I was an artsy, and I was no girly girl.

In fact, now I'm not so much of a girly girl. Sure, girly girls have long hair, blah dee blah blaahhh. Physically, I've developed the curves of a lady, but I try not to show them off too much. I like to wear loose clothes, t-shirts and jeans and sneakers. Honestly, how the hell do you breathe in super tight clothes? Might as well wear a catsuit! Or, better yet, don't wear any clothes at all.

I don't wear skirts and dresses and I sure as hell don't dress like a prostitute. I don't dress-up much, because I like to be myself; different. I like to be different, I have my own principle of individuality. I think, people who are against being different, have issues. Hidup membabi buta jeee. I don't want to be like everyone, I don't want to have what they have during the season, etc. etc. And, oh, I wouldn't be caught dead as a sampah masyarakat.

I'm proud of being different. Just like my other family members, they're uniquely different and they've mastered their own skills. They're driven to succeed, and it is evident that they've imprinted that trait in me. I'm driven to succeed. I can almost see my future now, taste it, smell it, touch it.

You'll be surprised when you get to unravel me. I'm like an onion, you peel off its skin, followed by the layers and layers of the flesh, discovering something new as each layer falls apart. There are just some traits that I don't let people see, instead I let them figure out themselves ;)



Sunday, July 19
4:30 PM

I CAN'T WAIT FOR PARAMORE'S NEW ALBUM TO COME OUT!

Heh heh, September 29th!









Friday, July 17
6:59 PM

Let's see, my right butt hurts as I walk/sit/climb up the stairs/bend down, due to yesterday's softball-playing. I can feel the muscle pulling in my thigh as I walk. Ouch.

My mood was rotten today. I was rotten right down to the core. I didn't talk. Nope. Well, yeah, of course I did talk, just not intentionally. I only spoke when I needed to. I didn't speak just because I felt like it. I was too moody to care about anything, and my good ol' pokerface covered the chagrin.

As usual, during recess time, nobody did their stupid duties. It was KH before recess, and we had to go to the Bengkel, which was on the other side of the whole school from my class. Great. So, yeah, as usual, I sacrificed about half of my recess time to go and clean up the class. Yeah lah, nanti dapat class terkotor malu pulak nak bangun tunjuk muka kat semua orang time assembly. Siapa kena buat? I jugak.

During KH, Miss Woon called me in front to see her personally. She wanted to know why my marks dropped for KH for the last intervention exam. What she said, made me want to cry. I've never thought that any teacher would put that much faith in me to excel in PMR.

Iman, you kena constantly study tau.
Yes, teacher.
You harapan class tau.
*In my mind : Harapan class apa? Bersihkan classroom?*
Try harder, Iman. You can do it.
*Senyum*

Aww, I was so touched :') In my nine years of schooling in CBN, no teacher has ever gone to see me personally like that. I was so touched that she had so much faith in me, in all of us. She's a good teacher, no doubt.

By the time recess was finished, I wanted to go home. I was feeling homesick and tired and moody and mentally lethargic. During BM, I didn't bother about the so-called "drama" that was going on in class. Pn Nurul made us act out the assigned drama, but of course, I didn't give a cent about it.

When they laughed at the funny parts, I didn't laugh. Me, and Picklehead next to me. We didn't laugh, not even a chuckle. Even when they were laughing so hard, I kept quiet because, frankly, I didn't think there was anything funny there. If their attitudes were to be put into words, I'd call them hiperboles.

My mood was rotten today, I could even smell the bitterness of my mood. So then I got home, more than anything I wanted at that time.

I had a good lunch, a good nap on the cool tiles of my bedroom floor, and a really good shower. So, yeah, I was glad to be home. I didn't want to be in school in the first place anyway, but I felt like as if I had something important to do . . . hmm.

I LOVE MATHS!

And Iman does it again! Let me hear you say A for Mathematics! Hehe, Math geek :D



Thursday, July 16
8:26 PM

I watched Oprah, on 16th of July, 8pm, on the Hallmark channel.

The show was about a woman who was violently abused by her husband. Her stupid, deranged, (asshole) husband. And, guess what, he burned her alive. This woman, is Yvette Cade in America.

They showed the actual footage of the macabre disaster. She was at some store, and then her abusive husband showed up at the store. She'd planned to file a divorce, but the husband didn't attend the hearing and the judge dismissed her.

He poured gasoline all over her body. At first she didn't know it was gasoline, because it was in a Sprite bottle. Then she got out of the store to run away from her husband. But then, her husband caught up with her, grabbed her. He took out a lighter and he lighted her up on fire. How cruel is that?

She was lit up. More than 60% of her body was burned alive. Her ears melted, her hair too. Her skin was burnt all over, no thanks to her asshole husband. As for her fingerprints? She didn't have any.

When I watched Oprah, I was so astonished. That poor woman did nothing wrong, she was actually a really nice woman. Then she got abused by her husband, for reasons we do not know. I sympathize her, but she became like an inspiration to me, too. She's strong and brave enough to show up on Oprah, let the world know what happened to her.

Luckily her husband was found guilty and got convicted. What an asshole. ****** ******!

Honestly, do people have a sense of humanity in them? Maybe just a handful.



6:33 PM

I had fun today! We had PJK in the morning, and boy, I had fun! We learned the basic things on playing softball, we even used the gloves! The equipments were there, like the landing pads, and the helmets, and the gloves, and the bats. So cool! And, man, the bats were heavy!

We had to slip on a glove on our left hands for the righties, and right for the lefties. Then we were divided into pairs, one person with one glove, each pair with one ball. The ball was twice the size of my fist and it was hard, so it hurts to be hit with that ball. My partner, Putri, and I, started to do what Cik Ooi told us all to do. We learned how to throw the ball below the waist, over the waist, and above the shoulder. We also learned how to catch the ball with the glove. I think next week we're going to work on the batting. Heh heh >:D

Softball was fun. I've always wanted to play the real game. It looks so cool. I don't mean to brag, but my hand-eye-coordination is pretty wicked ;)

It's Putri's birthday today! She received two big boxes of cupcakes from her mother, I think. One box were tiny cupcakes with halved Oreo's on them, and the other box had cupcakes with purple icing. She was so nice to give one to each of us. The cupcakes were tiny, but they were really sweet. By the time I had my second piece, I was already dizzy from the extreme sweetness of the cupcakes. But still, they were goooooooood.

By the time school ended, I was already feeling lifeless, due to the softball thing earlier. I was so lethargic that I was already swaying like the stem of a flower in a breeze. I stayed back for Photography club until 2.30. By the time I reached home, I was already slumped on the floor of the front living room, snoozing like a sloth.

I found out that I got a B for English and Agama. English? Well, we only had to write TWO short essays and I wasn't really good at the second part; literature. I got 14 out of 20, 70 out of a hundred. Oh well. As for Agama? I didn't know what happened. I studied, and most of my answers were logic, but it was no good enough. Well, I tried my best. At least my results now are better than the second intervention exam :O It motivates me to study harder, you know. I'll accept this as a challenge. Heh heh.

I'm still waiting for my science paper. And Maths. Which we are going to get tomorrow. Argh I am so anxious!

And now I'm too tired to write. Ha ha. Oh, there's a huge ulcer on my tongue too! Great. I can't talk so much, since the ulcer on my tongue keeps bumping with my teeth.



Wednesday, July 15
7:31 PM

I'm so annoyed. I'm so pissed.

I. Am. So. Not. In. The. Mood. To. Talk. To. Anyone.

For a bunch of fifteen year olds, you guys are pretty immature. Scratch that, you guys ARE immature. Sheesh.


The impact of your childish attitude on me is so grandiose, and I can't even fathom why. I've been feeling atrociously like a demon, one slight touch and I can explode into a million pieces. One small move, and I'll be shooting my bullets of sarcasm.


I am so not in the mood for school.


I am so not in the mood to see everyone.


I am so not in the mood to wake up early in the morning.


But, oddly, I am so in the mood to study for my exams.


And, the only classes I'd rather attend are Maths, Science, and Geography. GEOGRAPHY. My goodness, who am I?


I think I'm developing too fast. Mentally speaking.



Don't you wish that you would just . . .

GROW UP?



Tuesday, July 14
7:02 PM

Wow, lamanya tak update. Haha.

Let's see, my grades for Geography for the third intervention exam did a massive jump. Yay!

A friend of mine fainted yesterday. I found out about it during recess, just as I was about to rip open my juice box. Unlikely of me, as soon as I found out she fainted, I abandoned my orange juice for a while and went to the sick bay where she was lying down. She'd complained about food-poisoning, and that her stomach hurt like hell, and I knew exactly how she felt . . . She was slightly OK when I found her in the sick bay, a teacher at her tow. I went to phone her mother, saying that she needed to go home.

I did a good deed :)

Some even laughed. So inhuman.

Today was simply hysterical, at school. I got off on the wrong side of bed today, and immediately my mood meter decreased. I was rushing to get my stuff ready and by the time I was about to leave the house for school, I was already sweating. Great.

Things took a spin when I reached school. As soon as I saw my friends, I wanted to laugh. All of a sudden, I just wanted to laugh. So I did, when I sat with them.

Maths class was hilarious! Pn Gan made a mistake! Hahaha.

Pn Gan Classmate Others
On the right of three should be two.
No la teacher, it should be four!
Three, four, five!
The numbers are positive, teacher, not negative!
Ehhh?
Ruler, teacher, ruler.

Hahaha. She told us to always remember to look at a ruler if confused when seeing a number line. How funny.

One of my friends really made me laugh my guts out today. She wrote a couple of notices on the whiteboard in front of the class, which said something like;

Esok bawak sabun 4 seni!!
Which looked like
Esok bawak sabun 4 sen!

and

Esok hantar buka BM - karangan, ringkasan & tatabahasa.

BukA BM ye, Eleen? Hahahahaha. Since then I couldn't stop perli-ing her. Sabun 4 sen lah, tomorrow nak bawak bukA BM lah. And during Agama, she made me laugh even more, which I don't think it was intentional. We borrowed a large file of transparencies during Agama for our group work, and when she was flipping through the file, some of the transparencies slipped out of their hooks. She took quite a long time assembling them back, but it was just so funny because of the way she acted like as if it was hilarious. I didn't help because I was too busy laughing like a maniac until tears started to well in my eyes and my stomach contracted so hard.

A good day, I must say. It was fun-eh. I'm looking forward to tomorrow! Hehe, seni. I'm guessing we're going to make a sculpture out of sabun 4 sen.



Sunday, July 5
9:35 AM

It was 3.45am. My sister lay next to me as I was just about to fall deep into the oblivion. I had trouble sleeping, due to the coffee I drank a few hours back just because I wanted to stay up and study. I heard my sister talking on the phone, and logically, why would anyone wake up in the middle of the night just to talk on the phone for no reason?

She had a reason. I couldn't understand her words as she was talking on the phone, and it bugged me so much. So I asked her why. She said she heard a really loud crashing sound, like the sound of shattering glass, that came from her left side. It was so loud, like as if the sound was in the next room. She had trouble sleeping, too, just like me. As I tossed and turned, I'd never come across that shattering glass sound.

She thought it was a vase coming from our brother's room. My brother was out for the night, so that room was vacant. She thought that my brother's windows were open, but they were not. The first thing that came to my mind was, "Are you sure it wasn't from a dream?"

She didn't think it was a dream. She described the sound as loud. But I didn't hear anything. Nor did the rest of us in the house. Her statement got me shivering down to my toes. I was already shaking and horrifying pictures were already starting to form in my mind. I started chanting, in my mind, for God, just in case "anything" was about to happen.

Fifteen minutes passed, I still couldn't sleep. Nor did my sister. Well, how could I? The sound of glass shattering could only mean one thing : either there was something that fell because the wind was so strong, or there was someone breaking in. Thank goodness we were upstairs, but Kak Intan was not.

As the temporary "leader" of the house, Kak Intan called the police officers. They sent a few couple of patrol officers to roam our house, checking for any signs of breaking in. All four of us girls sat in the living room downstairs, staring at each other. We talked, yeah, but I was shivering right down to the core and I was really hoping it was from the cold. It was a very windy night, and rain was about to come.

After about an hour, the patrol officers came and did their patrols. They found no signs of breaking in, but they did find a knife outside. My first impression was, murder? But, no, the knife was clean. I didn't know how or why the knife was out there. It was a knife to chop onions!

So there were no signs of breaking in. Everything was still intact. But the patrol officers took down our details just in case of anything. They were nice enough to stay behind for a bit, maybe about for fifteen minutes. It was a really cool sight, actually. Seeing two -- yes, they sent two -- patrol cars with the vivid blue LED lights on the roofs, haha.

Nothing happened. But I was still scared. I didn't dare to go upstairs and get Pedro, my fat gingerbread man. So in the end, we all ended up sleeping in Kak Intan's room downstairs. It was safer that way.

To say that I had trouble sleeping last night would be a lie. But then again, how come I didn't hear that sound? I was literally on the verge of waking up when my sister heard it. I tried to picture the sound in my mind, but where could it come from? I'm still not satisfied, because I want to know where it came from.

It spooked us out. It was probably one of the most terrifying moments of my life. It was a good thing my sister told the whole household about it, even though it couldn've been a dream, which she confirmed it wasn't.

I do not want anything like that to happen again.



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