iman nedhiera

Iman Nedhiera

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Intensely passionate about photography and other artsy fartsy farts. An avid nature-lover. Highly obsessed with sunny afternoons and evenings, funky-looking clouds, and sunsets. Deeply infatuated with all things old, vintage, and kitschy. Highly sentimental. An enthusiast in baking, photography, and music :)

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Saturday, July 31

5:48 PM

This afternoon, my dad brought me to Restoran Jaring at Subang Jaya for lunch. Damn, I had a really good lunch and I'm so full up till now. They serve original Malay cooking like gulai lemak ikan keli and ayam percik and gulai kawah and yeah you get the picture. The restaurant is like a buffet, so you can practically take anything you want and pay for what you put on your plate accordingly. The food is so good that when I got in the car to go home, my belly was bursting from the seams of my jeans (and my seatbelt!) Haha.

Then we got home. My dad took a different route when we reached our neighbourhood, he went inside the housing areas near my house. He took the same route as we do when we go jogging or walking around the lovely forested area of Petaling Jaya. So then we passed by this house, just a couple of streets away from my house, and that house is really old. The house hasn't been occupied for more than sixteen years, and as time passed by, the house looked more and more ancient with its architecture from the 80's.

Before this, the house was covered in vines and a lot of bushes and trees. But when we passed that house just now, the vines and the unwanted trees have been cut down and cleared, leaving a house that looks so divine and beautiful and so rare. I really can't explain how the house looks like but it just has that Jalan Gasing-ness of my neighbourhood! Seriously. The back of the house overlooked a vast compound where you could plan your own garden and have beautiful bushes of flowers planted there, and it'd be so nice to have dinner or read a book while admiring the view of a beautiful garden. Hehe, I can do that here at home, but I can just imagine how the house would be like if it were refurbished and well decorated. If the new owner decides to tear down that house, I swear the ghosts of that house -- I'm just assuming there are ghosts in that house, since I've heard of a murder in that house -- will live a suffering second life and haunt the new owner, because that house is so valuable and so rare! Bahaha. I'm so evil.

Anyway, seeing that house really struck a chord in me. I've just realised that my neighbourhood is slowly being dominated by rich, snobbish people who have no sense of neighbourliness. Each time a person or family moves out of a certain house, a rich stuck up is going to buy that house, demolish it, and build a disgustingly hideous mansion so gaudy that you could puke just looking at it. Exhibit A; the Disney Princess Castle built just around the corner. We don't even know who the owners are because they never, never even bothered to have a neighbourly conversation with us or invite us to their parties or whatever. And the funny thing is, we live on the same street! Haha. Hmph. Not that we care.

God, people nowadays. So stuck up and arrogant, and their taste in building new homes has gone down the toilet bowl.

Sigh. I really love my neighbourhood because the location is quite near to a reserved forest where you can go hiking or whatever. And it is so cooling and secluded from the busy city that it's impossible to find any disturbance whatsoever from noise pollution or whatever.

God blessed me with a really good life, born into a good family with first-class minds, living in a home where peace is in the palms of my hands.

Alhamdulillah :)

Friday, July 30

7:12 PM

God, I was so lazy to go to school today. Last night I slept in Kakcik's room after being spooked about the story about the CBN campfire, where the flames suddenly took shape of the Virgin Mary. Coincidentally, my sister turned on her aircond -- we normally sleep without our airconds on -- so I guess it wasn't much of a loss for me to sleep in her room. Hehe. I love sleeping in my room :)

So when I woke up this morning, I found myself to be in my sister's room, where it was nice and cold and just lovely for a few more hours of sleep. I got up anyway since I had to submit something today.

The attendance for my class was so sad today. Haha. More than 10 people were absent and the class felt quieter, which enabled me to concentrate more on my studies. After recess, when we had Addmaths, I was so stressed. I was feeling very restless and uncomfortable and my mind was not with the class. My mind was wandering elsewhere other than Addmaths. Pn Gan taught us on variance today, and it wasn't her fault that I couldn't get the answer right. She was explaining really well, but I found myself hard to concentrate on what she was saying. And then she asked us to answer a couple of questions, but I couldn't answer them. Annushia, who was sitting next to me, told me to chill and she helped me solve the questions. God, I felt so stupid and so stressed with myself that I couldn't answer those simple questions.

We had Physics during our last two periods, and we had fun! Haha. We're in Chapter 3 of Physics at the moment, and I'm starting to fall in love with physics! Chapter 2 is a faggot because I really don't understand a thing. Haha. Miss Aisyah's excellent way of teaching physics coupled with her fun, bubbly, enthusiastic character made me understand physics much, much better. It's really not that hard, actually. Farhan is right. Physics is easy!

I just love Fridays, from school recess onwards. Haha. I love the fact that my two best friends and I always stay back until 2.30 together on Fridays while waiting for our dads (driver for Ash) to conclude their Solat Jumaat. I think it's like the only time for us to really spend time together since Tasha and I are so busy with our prefect duties. Sigh.

Can't wait for dinner! Station 21, yummmmm :)

Thursday, July 29

6:01 PM

I'm very cranky today.

Why am I so cranky, you ask?

Well, firstly, I'm fasting today. So right now I'm very very hungry.

Secondly, I'm very very tired and the only thing I wanna do now is just hit the bed.

Thirdly, I have a ton of work to be done by tomorrow and I'm worried that I might not be able to finish them on time. I have tuition tonight, which means that I'll be spending two hours on something else rather than my homework.

Fourthly, I'm having my PMS. #*@%, it hurts like hell.

I'm just so stressed right now. Bloody homework keep on piling up and everyone is just getting on my last nerve. I feel like tearing off someone's limbs.

AAARRGGHHH I HATE THIS WEEK!

Wednesday, July 28

8:42 PM

Since yesterday I've been wondering whether or not my favourite frosted Pop Tarts, which is the Cookies & Creme, have gelatin in them.

The answer? Yes.

Gelatin is derived from animal fat. Pop Tarts is an American product, which contains gelatin. And since it's an American product, the gelatin could be derived from a swine. When I found out that my favourite Pop Tarts have gelatin in them, I started to freak out because all this while I thought I've been eating what I thought to be halal.

So then I Google-d on whether or not Pop Tarts are halal or haram, since there's gelatin in them. And, thank God I found this website, it said that Kellogg's -- the company that manufactures Pop Tarts -- derive the gelatin from beef. Here's what it said :

"Thank you for contacting Kellogg Company about the gelatin we add to some of our products. We are happy to provide you with this information.

Gelatin is used to help the texture of the product and is derived from either beef or pork. Kellogg's(R) Frosted Mini-Wheats( R) and Kellogg's(R) Rice Krispies Treats(R) cereals contain type B gelatin, which is derived from beef. Whenever marshmallow ingredients are present in a Kellogg's(R) cereal brand, the marshmallow contains type A gelatin, which is derived from pork. Kellogg's(R) Krave(TM) Snack Bars also contain type A gelatin derived from pork sources.

Type B gelatin is derived from beef sources and is found in the frosting of all varieties of Kellogg's(R) Frosted Pop-Tarts(R) , Kellogg's(R) Frosted Pop-Tarts(R) Snak-Stix(TM) , all varieties of Kellogg's(R) Pop-Tarts(R) Pastry Swirls, and Kellogg's(R) Nutri-Grain( R) Minis with Yogurt Icing. Plain (unfrosted) Kellogg's(R) Pop-Tarts(R) do not contain gelatin. None of the equipment that comes in contact with the gelatin in Kellogg's(R) Frosted Pop-Tarts(R) is used in the production of the other pastries.

Kellogg's(R) Rice Krispies Treats(R) Squares contain type A gelatin in the marshmallow, which is derived from pork sources.

The pregelatinized wheat starch contained in some of our toaster pastries is derived from wheat and does not contain any gelatin. Vegetable shortening only is used to produce plain or frosted Kellogg's(R) Pop-Tarts(R) . No animal shortening is used.

We appreciate your patronage of our products and hope that this provides you with the information you need to make food choices appropriate for your family.

Sincerely,

Ana Lara Consumer Affairs Department"

Boy am I glad, so glad that the gelatin in those Pop Tarts is derived from beef instead of pork. I love love love Pop Tarts, especially the Cookies & Creme!

Pop Tarts are the best. Yippeekayay! I can resume eating my Pop Tarts now :D

Tuesday, July 27

4:29 PM

My day just turned into a lovely one as soon as the school bell rang, indicating that school is over. God, this morning was so gloomy. Everything and everyone were gloomy!

I slept at 3am last night because I couldn't sleep. I stayed up reading a book and eventually my bedroom clock struck 3am. I was already tired then, so I put down my book and went to sleep. It wasn't really a good night's sleep. Every now and then I would find myself being awake for a minute and fall asleep again. I was literally falling in and out of consciousness. So this morning I woke up at 5.45am, took a shower and got ready for school. I only managed to devour a sloppily prepared mug of Nescafe and a Pharmaton tablet.

When I got to school, I was sort of shaking. The weather was cloudy, the temperature was cold enough to make me feel like sleeping again, and it was just a long morning. I realised that during the first period, when I was in class, my hand was shaking as I was writing. It was probably from the lack of sleep I had last night or the caffeine that I downed this morning.

First period was Addmaths. I found out that I got 78, an A-, for Addmaths! I was so overjoyed and ecstatic about it because I never knew I could get that high for additional mathematics. Hihi. And then we had Physics. We got back our Physics papers, and most of us failed. I was supposed to fail that paper, but since there was a little complication in that paper, a few of my answers turned out to be correct. So I scored three extra points, increasing the percentage to 40. Haha. Cukup makan je pass.

And then we had Biology. God. It was an hour of hell. Ashik2 kena marah. I'm so sick of it. Of her. I thought she was having her period or something, but I couldn't care less. Due to my lack of sleep last night, I became cranky. I had a fine time during addmaths and Physics, but during Biology, I just turned awfully cranky. Lagi2 kena marah. We were scolded for no reason! And then she started asking me about why I haven't passed up my report card yet. Isn't it obvious that my dad hasn't signed it yet? I could still accept the scolding, but then she started yapping about demerits. I was like, WTF?!

Iman, kenapa awak tak hantar lagi report card?

Ayah saya tak sign lagi, cikgu.

Habis tu, saya kena demerit ayah awak pulak?

HOK OLOH. Nak demerit pulak dah. It's just a bloody report card. I don't know what the big deal is all about. Dah tak sign lagi nak buat macam mana? What, call my dad to come to school just to get it signed? Eee please la. That woman is such an expert in wrecking people's lives. Mentang2 aku AJK dia, aku jadi kuli dia pulak. I regret becoming her AJK -.-

You know what I think? I think it's good that we have this merit/demerit system. It's just that everyone seems to be taking advantage of it. Some students do good deeds just to get merit points, and some teachers just demerit you for no reason. Exhibit A; demeriting me for not handing in my report card. As far as I know, I know nothing of being demerited by her for not handing in my report card, because in order for a teacher to demerit a student, you must get the student's signature. I mean, thank God lah I wasn't gonna be demerited, but still! The idea is just detestable. It wasn't even in the list of demerits!!!

I hate Tuesdays. Seriously. Tuesday is a doomsday for everyone in 4K because we are loaded with heavy critical thinking subjects from morning till' afternoon. Stupid la.

I also failed Chemistry, by 6 and a half percent. Maybe that's why I'm still single, ha ha.

Anyway, after school, the Prefectorial Board of '10/'11 held a feast for the Senior Prefectorial Board of '09/'10. I had tons of fun with the prefects and we got along so well! We ate nasi tomato, and the food was just awesome. Yummy, greasy, oily food, but they tasted so good that I couldn't stop eating what was on my plate. Mmm ayam masak merah. The best! And then we had to give our presents to our respective adopted senior prefects as a token of appreciation for their help in guiding us to do our duties well. I gave my senior, Dee, two boxes of chocolates. Hehe. I hope she likes it, even though it's nothing much :|

Then we took a lot of pictures. I took a few pictures with my senior, then a few more pictures with the whole Prefectorial Board. I'm waiting for Dian to upload the photos quick! Haha.

I am so tired. All in all I had a lovely day today, despite this morning when the gloomy weather married our gloomy mood. All I wanna do now is to take a shower, get some rest, and start working in a few designs for a few things. I have so much work today that I think I'll probably sleep around the same time as last night. Sigh.

Being a teenager sucks, especially when you take responsibility of a lot of things. But, to me, it's a privilege, too :)

Monday, July 26

5:40 PM

Miss you :)

Friday, July 23

7:35 PM

I had a good time today after school hanging out with my friends, Tasha, Ash and Dian. Hehe.

We had Agama and Physics exams today. Agama was OK lah, so-so. Physics was *kaboom* suicide! The objective questions were not that bad, but then came the subjective questions. Damn. I only stared at the paper thinking, How the hell am I gonna answer this? So while I was cracking my brain for something productive, I stared at the words printed before me. When I blinked, I could see the words :O

After school, me, Tasha, Ash and Dian stayed back until 2.45. We chatted and shared some laughs, and then Dian told us how she drew smiley faces at the empty unanswered questions on her question paper during Physics. HAHA. So funny la that woman.

I cleaned my room today! It feels so good to walk on the nearly dustless floor. I wiped and cleaned every surface in my room, I swept and mopped the floor till it glistened underneath the sunlight. Oh, my room smells gorgeous from the furniture polish and the floor cleaner I used. Yum!

I'm going to Midvalley soon. Tataaaaaaaa!

Wednesday, July 21

11:07 PM

I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful, I could be big, but I could be anything you like.

I'm supposed to study right now but ehh...I'm studying the laptop. Isn't that considered as studying? Haha -.-

Thank God we don't have any papers tomorrow. Another day to revise my Agama notes and understand Chapter 2 of Physics. Yippeekayay!

I feel like watching MadTV, the one where the guy repeatedly asks for the girl's number. Haha.

Can I have yo' numbah?

Tuesday, July 20

6:50 PM

Only six more days of fasting to go.

God, at least it's better than last year. Last year I had to ganti puasa for 20 days! But yeah I've got six more days of fasting to go before the month of Ramadhan arrives!

I'm so hungry that I could puke gas. Eck, gas overload -.-

Sunday, July 18

4:32 PM

I'm starting to fall in love with Chop Suey, a song written and sung by System of a Down, this major hardcore rock band. Haha.

Generally I do love rock songs, yes, but not those hardcore screaming-on-top-of-the-lungs kind of rock. And generally, System of a Down is a hardcore rock band.

I discovered the song Chop Suey yesterday and I found the song very catchy. There's not a lot of screaming in this song, but there are still a few parts where the singer yells on top of his lungs.

But still, I can't stop listening to this song. Haha.

Oh, and I cut myself while shaving. Ouch -.-

Thursday, July 15

11:05 PM

I'm stupid.

Okay fine, I may not be stupid, but I just feel stupid. I feel so stupid because my results for my midterm papers are terrible. Bad. I only got 2A-s out of 9, and to me that's just...bad. If that appears bad to me, then don't even bother asking what my parents think of it. The answer is just obvious; it's TERRIBLE. Well they may not tell me straight to my face that my results were just terrible, but they don't have to. I can see it in their eyes, I can sense it in their voices. I can sense the desperation in their voices for me to get up from my lazy butt and feed my brain with textbook facts.

I don't know, maybe I am becoming more and more dumb as the days go by. I have trouble concentrating in class and my mind constantly wanders away as my teacher lectures in front of the classroom. I'm so vulnerable to distractions that it's killing me with frustration. The cogs and gears in my brain are gradually reducing their speed, making my brain dimmer by the day.

I don't know what is going on with me. I just want to be who I was last year, during my PMR year. By this time of the year last year, I was a stressful wreck. I was so passionate about my studies, so keen to get great results for PMR, that I took advantage of my time to study whenever I could. I was such a bright kid back then, but now I just feel so dim, slow, and just plain hopeless. I feel like as if a quicksand is slowly swallowing me deeper and deeper into the core of the earth. I feel like I'm sinking. God, do you know how that FEELS like?

I feel like crying because it's so hard for me to imply who I was last year to my present self. I want to be the kid who stressed out over getting below 65% for every subject, I want to be the kid who'd choose studies over anything else, I want to be the kid who was bright. That kid, believe me, was me, in the year 2009. I don't know what made me change so much in a span of less than a year, and this change I don't like.

Despite the achievements I've accomplished this year, despite all the opportunities I had and took that not many sixteen-year-olds get, I'm still at the bottom of the food chain. Sure, I may know how to do a lot of other things, but to me I'm nothing without getting great results that many people envy for. I feel useless without seeing at least 5A's in my report card.

Speaking of which, PTI was on Wednesday. My dad came to take my report card and he was disappointed. He didn't really show it, but I can tell he was disappointed in me because my results were bad. I failed a subject, only had 2A-s (A MINUS!!) and the rest were all B's and C's and D's. An average student wouldn't cry over it, but I would. God, I just feel so dumb. My standards are high because I'm raised that way, and obviously getting anything below my standards would be such a disappointment.

Where is the bright kid in me? I know she's still in me. The bright kid in me is probably banging her fists against my ribs, clawing to get out of the closet doors. I just don't know what's keeping her from coming out.

Laziness. Probably.

Or something else which I can't quite put a finger on.

Sigh. Sometimes, writing my thoughts to let the world know how I feel just makes me feel so much better. Unfortunately, it failed this time.

I need my friends right now. But I just don't feel like talking to anyone.

Hmm. I feel like a slug. God why am I so EMO today? -.-

Monday, July 12

7:29 PM

I am deprived of sleep.

I'm sleep-deprived. I haven't been getting the sufficient amount of sleep I need for the past few days. Therefore, I am deprived of sleep.

I am sleep-deprived! Yay I'm so happy!

Not.

Thursday, July 8

11:35 PM

I will never let myself be prone to lunacy.

I will never participate myself in any idiotic or lunatic activities.

I will never let myself be as crazy as the (bitch) woman who MURDERED the cat with her high heels.

I know I shouldn't swear, but this woman deserves to be sworn at. Fa kin bitch. For all I know she's gonna commit suicide next. Ha ha. She can die, and go to hell. As a consequence for killing the Prophet's favourite animal, a CAT, she may go to hell as its doors are always open for her.

God, if I can have her head, I'd step on it with my high heels JUST LIKE SHE DID WITH THE INNOCENT CAT. I'd squeeze her eyeballs out and turn her thick head into a mush.

Okay, I'm having visions of that now. I can feel the vomit rising up my throat. Yelgh.

PEREMPUAN MACAM TAIK, KEJAM TAK BERHATI PERUT. Dah la GILA, BODOH, and then ZALIM pulak tu. I feel like aiming a bazooka at her bloody face.

I don't have the link for the video, but if you're interested you may go to my Facebook Wall and see it. I posted it there from someone else's profile.

God, crazy woman. WHAT KIND OF A PERSON DECIDES TO MURDER AN INNOCENT ANIMAL?

Apparently crazy people come from the same region of the world, huh?

Wednesday, July 7

7:50 PM

Wow, it's been a while since I've updated this thing. Haha.

So anyway, last week on Monday I found out that I qualified to become the school prefect. I made it in! Hooray! But yeah, with great responsibility comes great power.

Eh. Wait. Salah tu.

With great power comes great responsibility. Haaaa!

So far it's tough being a prefect. You have to be perfectly punctual and you can't neglect your post even for a second. You have to be perfect in every way, especially how you carry yourself. When you mess up, the seniors/teachers will bombard you no matter where you are and when it is. It's tough, you know. But I'm not complaining. In fact, I think receiving a post in the prefectorial board of 2010/2011 is another challenge for me. And well, knowing me, I loooove challenges. I mean, wouldn't life be so dull, boring, lifeless, if everything were just perfect?

It's my second week of becoming the school prefect. I kind of like it, mostly because I get to participate when it comes to helping the school with anything. Hehe.

Right now, I'm just tired. I'm very very tired and I just wanna curl up in bed and sleep. I have a lot on my hands right now and I'm pretty sure this weight on my shoulders will never be lifted until the end of the year. That's like...five months away. God, this year, the holidays won't be so much of a holiday. I'm sitting for SPM next year, and I'm targeting for at least 7A's out of 9. It's crucial that I get good results for my SPM because I want to go to a good university and get a good education so I can get a job with a good pay.

Since this week is Career Week at school, a few universities and colleges came to exhibit their specialties in the school hall this morning. I saw a lot of them! There were Taylor's, Stamford College, Sri KDU, Help University College, and many others. I carefully took my time browsing through the stands to check out the colleges. I was quite interested in a few of them, but I'm still considering. I don't even know what I want to do in life later on. I know I should start thinking about it now but I just don't know what I want to be anymore.

I'm thinking of choosing a job that is affiliated with medical science, or biotech. While I was browsing through the stands just now, I came across MSU; Management and Science University. I enquired about medical science, and yes they have it. And and and, here's the cool part, you actually get to finish the whole course in five years! Medical science -- which is different from medicine, btw -- finished in five years! How awesome is that? It's pretty quick, but according to their statistics, 90% of their students got a job because when they've finished their studies, it wasn't the hiring season. Haha. And, the MSU also accepts new students based on their SPM forecast results and you need to get a minimum of five credits, I think. And when SPM is over, you get to wait like one or two months to rest, and then the classes start. It's so early and so fast that I'm just tempted to go for it!

Me, a doctor by 23. Damn. That'd be awesome!

I'm also taking Art & Design into consideration. Interior designing, maybe, just like my sister. I honestly can't choose in between those two fields. My parents, especially my mother, are really hoping that I will take medical science and become a doctor later on. I set my mind on that last year, but now it has changed. I'm not even sure I wanna become a doctor.

Sometimes, when my mother talks to her friends and I just happen to be the subject, she'd always point out that I would like to become a doctor one day. I just wanna tell her that I'm really not sure about it yet, but I don't wanna burst her bubble and crush her hopes. She's done so much for me, even though most of the time I never asked for it. I don't know what to tell my parents. I like science, you know, but that doesn't mean I'll end up becoming a doctor.

God, I don't know what I want to be. All I know is that by the time I'm 30, I want to wake up in the morning and look forward to a job that I will have fun with. I don't want to wake up in the morning and do something I don't like, just to get a high pay.

What should I be? What should I be?

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