Iman Nedhiera

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Intensely passionate about photography and other artsy fartsy farts. An avid nature-lover. Highly obsessed with sunny afternoons and evenings, funky-looking clouds, and sunsets. Deeply infatuated with all things old, vintage, and kitschy. Highly sentimental. An enthusiast in baking, photography, and music :)


HTTP://WWW.FLICKR.COM/IMAN_NEDHIERA



Sunday, August 31
7:21 PM

SELAMAT HARI MERDEKA!

Haha, late wish, I know. It doesn't feel like independence day. It's just not as meriah as last year, and the years before. This year's Independence Day is dead. Hoho.

Well, today, my sisters (Kak Lea & Kakcik) went to visit Kak Lea's friend's photo studio. It is called. . .Wow. That's right. Wow. And trust me, Wow means a lot! The photographs taken by the photographer -- let's refer to him as "He" or "Him", shall we? Respect his privacy! -- were astounding! They were breathtaking. Oh oh oh, and. . .there was even a picture of me and my friends that hung on the wall :D

It was a new studio, so he gave us a free photoshoot. . .for now. Kak Lea are good friends with him. In fact, they even go out on photoshoots together -- and their work is clearly amazing. So we posed, and laughed, and posed again, and laughed more. It was fun fun fun! A total of 133 pictures were taken.

I don't feel like boring you with the details of what happened today. Haha. Well, if you wanna see the photos from the photoshoot, feel free to go to my MySpace profile; http://www.myspace.com/iman_cupcake.

Tomorrow is puasaaaaa! Hahaaaaa. Good luck starving ;)

Selamat berpuasa, dear loyal readers :)



Saturday, August 30
8:48 PM

Mood : Tired.

My mood says it all. I went to Pavilion with Ezleen, Jojo, and a new friend of mine, Nabila, today. I made a new friend too! Haha.

So my sister dropped me off at the Coffee Bean near Carlos. From that point, I had to find my friends. Well, I didn't have any prepaid, so I went upstairs to the public phone to call Ezleen. My heart thumped wildly against my chest. I was alone, I had no way of contacting people other than the public phone, and I spotted a few groups of dangerous-looking people. After I rang Ez, I went to GSC to wait for her there.

I waited for at least 15 minutes until Ezleen arrived at GSC. Then, we went to Food Republic to eat. I bought myself a cheese bread and a hotdog. Well, actually Nabila paid it for me. Hehe. Thanks Nab!

We ate, then Jojo came. After she arrived, we were on a mission to SHOP! We went to Forever 21, Topshop, Voir, and kedai apa lagi entah. At Voir, I found a really gorgeous -- stress that gorgeous, because it's too gorgeous to resist buying -- pair of black jeans. It was just my size (though it was quite long for me), and it came with a black and white belt. It was sort of like a pair of skinny-jeans, but a bit flared. I guess you could say it's a pair of boot-cut jeans. And guess what, it was 50% off!

Unfortunately, I didn't have enough money to get it, so Ez offered to chip in a little bit. After hesitating, I finally decided not to get the jeans. I have another pair like that anyway, except it's not black. Then, we went to PastaMania!

We had our lunch at PastaMania. We had pizza, which was delicious! Then we lingered at the restaurant, then we moved to the food court to eat the donuts that Jojo bought from J.Co. I had the Oreo. Sedaaaaaaaap!

Then we went to Forever 21 again. Jojo went to sit with her sister while we went to Forever 21. Ha ha, Forever 21 was hectic. I went here and there to search for (affordable) tees or pants, and I even tried on some clothes just for fun. Unfortunately, I couldn't find anything affordable. Well, I did, just that I was hesitating on whether to buy it or not. ***PICTURES; SCROLL DOWN

After the one-hour-trip to Forever 21, we went to Parkson. Nab bought a birthday present for a friend of hers while I roamed the place for cool tees -- man, they were so expensive! After Nab paid the present, we went walking along the floor.

After a while of walking, I finally found a section where it sold affordable tees. And they were so my style! Baby tees with authentic/chic/cool/grungy prints. There were so many selections of it, I didn't know which to get! So I picked a few tees and headed to the fitting room.

And I tell you, the fitting room was like a hotel! A five-star hotel! Heck, there was even the smell of a hotel. It was so grand, I couldn't believe they spent a lot on just a fitting room. And the fitting room? Oh it was so huge! It had a three-side mirror -- which you can see every angle of yourself -- a small round table, and a chair. Ezleen and Nab entered the fitting room as well. Of course, they didn't see me strip off my shirt. HAHAHAHA I switched from one tee to another at a corner.

After choosing and hesitating on which tee to buy, I finally chose the yellow one. It has a pastel yellow colour and it has a white print of some swirlies. It was pretty authentic, and I love it! Plus, I've never had that colour before. So, let's try something new, shall we?

The clock struck 6.30, I had to go home already. Before I got to my transport, I took an advantage of walking past by Starbucks. So, I bought myself a strawberry lollipop and the caramel-cream-Frappucino, as always. Whenever I go to Starbucks, a lollipop and caramel-cream-Frappucino are necessities.

When I got home, I felt a little sick. Suddenly, everything was revolting. I felt nauseous. I had a headache too. Must be from the Frappucino, because it was too sweet and the whipped cream was revolting, to me. So I took a nice relaxing shower.

After the shower, I got out smelling like orchid & coconut milk from my shampoo. I put on my clothes, and I applied Vaseline to my itchy spots. Hey! Speaking of which, my itchy spots are getting better! WOOOOHOOOOOOO! It's not that itchy anymore. It's turned brown, leaving dark spots on my skin. Well, at least it's not itchy anymore. Hihi. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Hey, you want pictures riiiiight? Scroll down! PS : Before you get disappointed, ada 3 gambar je. Haha.


Ezleen :)


Baju ni bestttt


Hehe, saja nak try.



Friday, August 29
3:26 PM

Yesterday. . .

Last night, it was all about wrath and rage. Oh sure, my day went on perfectly well at school, until it was after the school finished.

There she was, embracing what looks like a person I love. It cut me so deep, I rolled my eyes at her and I'm not sure if she noticed. Well if she did, good for her. At least she knows that she disgusts me more than I disgust her. Ha ha.

As I got home from school last night, I was completely out of mood. My mind was full of nasty thoughts about this particular girl. I felt like bashing her with a butcher's knife, cut her a hundred times deeper.

Wrath. That was all I had in me at that time. I was outraged, I was angry, I was mad. So as I got to my room, without speaking a word to anyone I passed by in the house, I lay down on my stomach on my bed. I buried my face into my pillow, and I covered my head with another pillow.

As I lay down, my mind boggled up. It filled with lots of things I wanted to do -- i.e. bashing the fool with the knife. Without hesitating, I screamed in my pillow. I just screamed my lungs out, I screamed as loud as I could. My iPod was plugged to a set of big speakers, I played some rock songs, and I turned up the volume. I screamed for a few seconds, and then I lay still.

I was still lying down on the bed. After screaming, I immediately burst into tears. I was too mad, too pissed, too frustrated to even care about my physical pain. Then, after a few drops of tears, I got up and stood next to the wall. I clenched my fist into a tight ball, and. . .

Yes. I punched the wall as hard as I could. It felt good. It felt like punching the fool's ass. I punched it again, harder this time. My knuckles turned red, my hand felt numb. But I didn't care. It felt so good, I could do it for a lifetime.

Smash! I punched the wall again, this time with my other hand. I burst into tears again, not from the pain, but from the stupid fool who's been trying to ruin my life for a very, very long time.

After the wall-punching, I went to lay back down on my bed. I sobbed heavily until I couldn't even catch my breath. I was weeping. I buried my head into my pillow again, and I screamed! I screamed louder than before. Loud enough to hurt my own ears, even in the pillow. I thrust the anger out of my mouth, I cursed and swore bad words you can never think of. I was so enraged, so filled with angst!

I decided to punch something. Well, to avoid being given a lecture about self-hurt from everyone, I punched my bed instead. Loud thumps! filled the atmosphere as I punched my mattress continuously. I was punching my mattress so hard, that my hands bounced violently off the bed. My lips were pursed into a really tight line, forcing my teeth to bite through my gums.

Honestly, you won't understand why I'm so angry at this fool. You just can't. No matter how I explain it, to you, to everyone else, you and the rest wouldn't understand. It's complicated. But, the only part you can understand is, I'm holding a grudge against this fool, after what she did to me all this while.

She's been planning to ruin my life since a long, looooong time ago. She steals almost everyone I love. And the most frustrating part is, everyone thinks she's a goody-two-shoes while I'm the devil. Heck, she's the devil and I'm the angel! And ugh, the way she looks at me, -- more like glare -- it looks like as if I'm she loathes me so much. Like I'm sinful to her. PFFT, YEAH RIGHT!

She's planning to ruin my life. Technically, she's nowhere near 50% of achieving her mission. Everything that I have, she wants it. You don't know the history between me and the fool. It's really complicated. She has two missions :
a) Ruin Iman Nedhiera's life.
b) Tibai dia punya hidup.

No need, silly girl. You can't catch me. Seriously, WHAT IS YOUR STUPID BLOODY PROBLEM? Hey, you know what, go ahead, do it. Ruin my life, take everything away from me. I don't care. See if you manage to fulfill your "destiny". For your info, I'm a cold and hard stone, you're just a piece of marshmallow. And of course, logically, hard stones can crush down silly witty marshmallows into pieces without effort. So, good luck electrifying me.

Oh yeah, since you just loooooove to take everything I have away from me, here's a message from me to you...
PERGI CARI IDENTITI SENDIRI LAH BODOH!!
Stupid dimwitted mongrel. Budak puki badan gajah tak original.



Thursday, August 28
10:05 AM

Wet! I was soaking wet. It was after school yesterday, when it was raining heavily. I had to walk in the rain to get to my transport. To my disappointment, Kak Lea wasn't there yet. So I had to walk back to the school compound, where there was a shade that can protect me from the rain.

Not that I'm complaining, I loved to be soaking wet. It was the first time I was wet head-to-toe in school. It was the first time I had the mood to play in the rain -- yes I did play in the rain. I had fun, even though it was chilly and cold. I stroked my arms back and forth to retain my body heat.

As I hid under the shade, I thought about what happened previously at school, in class. I broke down in tears. It was all of a sudden. One moment I was happy -- and exhausted, from all the searching and walking swiftly to search for extra decorations for our class -- and the next thing I knew, I was down in the dumps. It started from me getting teary eyed, then I had my head in my arms. I was sobbing.

Of course, my friend -- three friends, actually -- found out that I was sobbing. And of course they asked what happened. So I told them, since they're the ones I trust.

First of all, the teachers were God damned snobbish. My class teacher, for example, I did my duty as the bloody Penolong Ketua Kelas -- stupid. I gave her the attendance, as usual. The last time I gave her the attendance, she was welcoming. Now, her face turned cold. She had this glare at me, like as if I was a drug-addict or something. I put on my cheery face, but it eventually turned upside down into a frown. Sheesh.

Secondly, it was one teacher who teaches us that we all love. Oh, sorry. Loved. A teacher that we all loved. Ever since two weeks ago -- before the school holidays -- she didn't say a word to our class. She just entered, and started writing on the whiteboard. She didn't even say a word, unless she needed to.

The same thing happened yesterday. She entered our class, put on a dead face, and did her own business. Then she exited the class, and she asked for me. As usual, I was her "messenger". I had to say everything for her. I was asked to. Not like I wanted to. I'm seriously getting sick of her prissy attitude. She's gotta end it somehow, sometime.

I think she noticed the cold tone I had when I wished the teacher. Well, she's doing it to us. Shouldn't we have the right to do it to her as well? It's unfair.

I felt like a butterfly, trapped in a steel box. I stared out in the rain, searching for my transport. There were many reasons why I felt so. I felt so trapped. I felt like I couldn't avoid the inevitable, the pain, etcetera. Even when I manage to get out from the box through some small holes, eventually I'd see myself suffer in pain. And that's when I end up in the steel box, protecting me from the world outside, keeping me safe.

As I wondered out in the rain, tapping my foot in agony, stroking my arms to retain heat, I noticed a crimson Proton Satria appearing out from the rain. It was my sister's car. She's here, yes! She stopped in front of me, so I got in the car, all wet from the rain.

Luckily she didn't turn on the air-conditioner. If not I would've been frozen cold! In the end, I fell into a deep sleep. I didn't even notice when we got home.

It was good to be home. So I got rid of my wet clothes and I stepped into the shower. The hot shower triggered my relaxing senses. I let the hot water run through my body while I shampooed my hair. The heat felt good alright.

Well, it seems like I can only get out from the steel box when I'm at home, my comfort zone.



Tuesday, August 26
10:40 PM

Today was. . .okay. Like any other normal day.

BEFORE SCHOOL, 11.30am, Giant Supermarket;

Kak Intan took me to the Giant Supermarket near my house before sending me off to school. She wanted to buy some candies for her studio. She said it's like a prize for her students, I don't really know. I was supposed to arrive at school by 11.30, but I arrived at 12 in the end.

I ambled back and forth -- impatiently -- as Kak Intan chose which candy to buy for the studio. I nearly screamed at her to be quick, but before I could do that, she told me that I could take anything I want. So I took a pack of Cadbury. After a few moments, I switched to TimeOut. Kak Intan was still deciding, and I wasn't sure if I should get the TimeOut. So, in the end, I took a Crunchie bar instead.

AT SCHOOL, 12.15pm, school canteen;

Dr. Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor -- or however you spell the name, Dr. SMS -- came to our school to give a speech about his success and how to be successful in life. Well, I wasn't interested in that, so I just sat at the canteen with my friends. As he arrived, it was hectic. The teachers all marched to the hall, behind Dr SMS. Even the students at the canteen cheered and wooed as he walked by in the distance.

Well, my first impression of him in real life -- in the flesh -- didn't really captivate me. First of all, he wasn't as tall as I thought he would be. Well, whatever. He's still cute, in a way that charms other people. His arrival became one of CBN's biggest events.

* * *

And the rest is as usual. Lalala. Everything went well, until tonight...

AFTER DINNER, 10.30pm, Damansara;

Me, Kakcik, and Barnickle were lingering a few blocks away from Pizza Hut. We were at the black Ford Escape, joking and fooling around. The place there was quite like a ghost town, it was dark and there were not many people. Abah and Mama were just across the street, at the bank.

So the three of us were laughing and having fun teasing each other, but then, something unexpected -- and chilling -- happened. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a white Kia sedan appeared at the other side of the lonely ghost-town street. It stopped in the middle of the road, opposite the three of us. The window on the driver's side were rolled down. I couldn't see much, but I could see that there were more than two people inside that car -- no, more than two men inside that car.

Suddenly, the man beside the driver were shouting on top of his lungs at us, while he pointed his index finger at us. It all happened so quickly. He shouted so loud and rapidly at us, we couldn't make out what he said. But the way he yelled at us, it almost seems as if like he was swearing at us. Even though the words were inaudible -- though his voice was really loud -- we could tell that he was cursing bad words, at us. It was an unknown man, a man we didn't know. Then out of nowhere he appears on the other side of the street, cursing and swearing at us. He seemed really aggravated.

After that incident happened, we quickly scrambled into the car for safety. Luckily, the white car cornered to the other side of the street, not where we were standing. As if on cue, Abah and Mama were already walking toward us. I think they've seen the incident. So we all got in the car and drove home.

Abah seemed really mad, he even swore out bad words about that unknown stranger. He seemed upset about it. Well, maybe that stranger confused us for the wrong people. Maybe it was a mistake. But still, anything could happen. I was nearly trembling inside the car as I listened to my iPod, my mind was filthy and cloudy, confused with what just happened. I was so keen and eager to make out what that stranger yelled at us, but it was just impossible. It's probably nothing, I thought to myself.

The world is not safe anymore, especially at night, in a ghost town, when you're alone.

I heard that Anwar won some election. Oh you know Anwar, that whacked politician? Or whatever. Apparently the election is important -- as always. I don't really care about politics, actually. But somehow I seemed to be affected by his winning the election. How can people vote for him? He's the one who's caused all those traffic jams and those "presentations" and what crap. He's the one who tried to be funny to the PM years ago, I think. All I know is, he's just mad. Crazy. Foolish. Moron!

Malaysia is such a twisted country.

"Saya amat bangga untuk menjadi seorang rakyat Malaysia. Ini kerana Malaysia merupakan negara yang aman dan damai." - Rumusan Kajian Geografi Tempatan, ting.2

OVER MY DEAD BODY! Malaysia is whacked. "Aman dan damai" my foot. You know, maybe living in the US is a wiser choice, than living here. I'll study hard, I'll fly to the states, get a degree, get a good job, blah dee blah blah blah.

It's been a really cold day today. It was raining in the morning. I think I'm going to catch a cold soon enough, since I've been highly exposed to an outrageously low temperature since a few days ago. Well, I'm not complaining. It's nice to have a really cold weather here in Malaysia *wince*

Oh, I've also changed my handwriting now. It's more italic, tilted to the right. I was getting sick of my previous writing, which used to be skinny and straight. Now, my handwriting is smaller and more italic, more like a cursive, but it's not. Here's how my handwriting turned out to be -- it became easier for me to write, too! Hi. I am Iman Nedhiera. Have fun reading my blog, enjoy!

Iman Nedhiera



Sunday, August 24
7:03 PM

I absolutely hate to be home.

I think school is a better place for me. Yeah.

Luckily I have my own cocoon here at "home".

Sheesh.

Well, technically I'm physically here, but I'm mentally somewhere else. Somewhere faaar away.



Friday, August 22
2:59 PM

1. They torment you - unless you have your iPod with you.
2. They stress you out.
3. They're completely utterly useful. . .NOT!!!
4. They hurt your eyes - from keeping you awake late at night just finishing the bloody thing.
5. They make you entirely nuts and whacked o.O
6. Here comes another pile of homework.
7. They make you exhausted - from searching for the stupid informations here and there.
8. They make you aggravated - well, I'm aggravated while doing the assignments. Not sure about you people.
9. They prevent you from doing anything else, HAHAHA literally.
10. Fact : Assignments are suh-too-peed.

I've officially lost my mind. I've been spending an hour and a half working on my Sejarah assignment. And all I've come up with during that hour and a half are a) Penghargaan and b) TITLE for Elements 1, 2, and three. Yes, the TITLES only! The contents of the elements are still missing.

I've lost my mood today. I didn't have the mood since I woke up, thanks to these three assignments I have to work on and finish by next week; Sejarah, Geografi, & Pendidikan Seni. Pendidikan Seni, WTHHHH??!!!!!! It's not in PMR is it? Hahaha yes, of course, in a millennium!!

My neck is starting to ache, and my eyes hurt. My eyelids are really heavy right now, but I know that I have a whole lot more to work on. The sting in my eyes are seriously slaughtering me to death. And to top it all off. . .I'm having a really bad stomach ache from my period! *Clap clap!

Ugh. The idea of finishing THREE assignments by next week is so...what's that word...? Oh yes, grandiose. The idea of finishing three assignments by next week is so grandiose. Haaa, like that'll happen. As long as the assignments are involved in PMR next year, yeah I'll work on that. But the rest...see you later, suckers!

Oh that's not it, *that sarcastic cheery chirpy voice* I've just found out that I won't be at home for half of the day tomorrow, and the next day! Why? Because I'm going to Meridian Hotel. Why? Well Mama got this free voucher and it expires in October and since Kak Lea's graduation is tomorrow, we're spending the night at Meridian! Oh, crap. Maybe I'll bring my assignments along. Who knows, maybe I can work on it when I have a free time. That is, if I have a free time! This is so dreadful. I'm in hell.



Thursday, August 21
7:25 PM

Today was adventure day for me. I had an adrenaline rush countless times - after I swallowed down the bile forming at my throat. I went with Kar Mun, Wawin, Qiela, Nattasha, and Nicole to Sunway Pyramid.

Around 12pm, we went skating at the skating-rink. We only skated for about an hour. I managed to get two rounds around the rink...without falling even once. After I glided my bladed-boots on the ice halfway through the rink, I managed to skate without grabbing the sidebars so much.

After skating, we went to J.Co Doughnuts to have a little snack. We bought the half-dozen box of doughnuts since there were only six of us. After eating, it was SCREAM PARK time! We went to Scream Park at Sunway Lagoon. We had my sister to come along as well, just to be our "guard" there. Turns out she went scared - like me - too. Ahah.

***SPOILER WARNING; If you haven't been to Scream Park and want to go there anytime soon, do not read the paragraphs in blue***

As we got into the first part of the scream house, we started to get scared - except for Wawin and Qiela, since they've been there quite a few times. I could feel the bile coming up my throat, but I swallowed them down. Then, the adrenaline rush in me took place.

There were four parts. The first part was the Scary Theater, or whatever it's called. They showed us a short film - in the dark, and the "ghosts" there would occasionally come to you and scare you - about some murderous dude or whatever. I didn't really understand the concept of the story - even though I've seen it for at least six times. After that, they led us to the Terror Tunnel - in 3D!

The Terror Tunnel was drop dead awesome. It was like walking into a big large tube, which had 3D stars and almost real-life sound effects. The stars went round and round, circling us. Since it was in 3D, we started to get dizzy from the vision. It makes you feel like as if you're walking on a pathway that rotates counter clockwise, but the pathway was actually still. It surprised me how much illusions can affect you.

After the Terror Tunnel, the "ghosts" led us to the Rumah Hantu. It was like walking into a maze, we had to find ourselves out. "Ghosts" appeared from corners, in between walls, and from doors and windows. They also had mirrors to make it more confusing for us to make our way. Sometimes the "ghosts" will stare straight into your face and they'll follow you, they'll glare at you.

The fourth and last part was the Prison Break. It was another maze, full of bloodthirsty prisoners in white, who absolutely loathe visitors. Again, we had to make our way out of the Prison Break. It was confusing. They had the strobe lights on. The lights flickered on and off repeatedly, maybe about once or twice per second. While walking through the maze full of "prisoners" - some even had "blood" on their clothes and faces - it was like there were no movement at all. It only seemed like still pictures, animating in front of your eyes. You can't really tell whether you're moving or not. One second you're there, the next thing you know, you're already somewhere else.

The "prisoners" there even did the same thing as the "ghosts" back in the Rumah Hantu. Sometimes, if you're at the back of the troupe, a prisoner would lean close to you, following you until the next prisoner leads you to another path. The sound effects were incredibly real. Of course, we did make our way through with a little help from the prisoners. It was so real, so heart-pounding and so...amazing. It was really worth my RM24.

***SPOILER ENDS***

We went into the Scream Park for at least six times, and we never got tired of it. Even the people who did a really excellent job at scaring us in there recognised us. We also went to the arcade. Me, Wawin and Qiela raced with motorcycles and cars. It was fun!

Oh great, I'm starting to develop blisters from the skating boots. Overall, my day was awesome! The soles of my feet are burning, they're killing me. Even when I'm resting my feet on a pillow, the burn doesn't go away. I need to get a shower now. I'm really exhausted and drained. My day was so long, I felt like the skating thing was yesterday, but it was only a few hours ago.

I had fun, this was the best outing yet!



Wednesday, August 20
9:36 PM

So I was chatting with Athirararah, and she started giving me games on the internet. Well, I asked from her, actually. Hehe. And this is what I managed to play :

I Don't Even Know <--this game is uproariously funny!
Click Stick
Wedgie Toss <--WEDGIE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Beat Me Up <--oh this is violent. It literally made me nauseated.
Rollercoaster Rush <--fun fun!

So, yeah. I spent the night playing these games. But my two favourites are I Don't Even Know and Click Stick.

Have fun!



4:11 PM

I woke up early today, compared to the days before. HAHA. I woke up at 9.30am, woot woot! I still remember the first sentence I said when I just woke up today, "Ada air tak?". I asked that question to Kakcik and she shook her head. Darn it! I can't even shower at ease?

Well, I checked the bathroom just as soon as I woke up. Yes, there was a little water left when I turned the faucet. So I brushed my teeth and washed my face quickly before the water ran out. After the teeth-brushing, I went downstairs to the kitchen to have my breakfast.

I ate a good bowl of FrootLoops and half a glass of orange juice + milk. I had my daily medication as well. Mmm...FrootLoops is my favourite cereal.

Abah took me to Midvalley for lunch. We ate at the food court, as usual. Nothing fancy. Another father-daughter time. Yesterday he took me to Carrefour for grocery shopping. We both ate chicken rice at the food court. I managed to finish my plate of chicken rice. In fact, my plate was so clean, I didn't think the people who worked there needed to wash it :P

After we stuffed our faces with food, we went to the MPH Bookstore. I took advantage of my time while my dad searched for his books. I went to search for Stephenie Meyer's third sequel to Twilight. I searched here, I wandered there, and I finally found the place where they sold Stephenie Meyer's books. And...no Eclipse. But the other sequels to Twilight were there, on the shelf! Of all books, the third sequel had to be sold out? Seriously, after Kar Mun introduced me to Twilight last week, I seriously became in love with Steph Meyer's books. It's so page-turning, and thrilling! So, after being disappointed that Eclipse was sold out, in the end I bought Breaking Dawn, the last sequel, if I'm not mistaken. Of course, I won't read that book unless I finish Eclipse. Kar Mun is bringing over her book tomorrow so that she can lend it to me. Yay! *Clap clap clap

After I got home, I decided to wash my hair - since I'm so in love with my new shampoo. My hair smells awfully delicious now. As I got out of Mama's bathroom - that's where I shower now, since the water system in my bathroom is such a klutz - I could smell the fragrance of the shampoo lingering in my hair. The smell of orchid and coconut milk still lingers on my hair now. Hehe.

I just found out that Twilight is going to be a major motion picture - a.k.a., movie - in a few months. It's coming out in November and I can't wait to watch it! I'm so in love with the book, I think I'd do anything to watch the movie. Three more months of pure agony. Ahah.

I've got a few muscle pulls here and there at my legs due to excessive stretching yesterday. I had nothing better to do yesterday, so I decided to stretch and work on my flexibility. I was quite astounded when I discovered that I could bend down so that my chin touches my knees. Woo, go me! *Clap clap clap again!

I miss blogging. Nyahaha.



Tuesday, August 19
9:15 PM

I never knew how mean people can be. I never knew how rude and selfish they can be. I never knew how talented they are at spreading rumours.

What are you playing at? Am I some plush toy you just pick up from the ground and start bashing me with a fork? Or am I human - with a brain, with commonsense (not sure if you have it though), with eyes and a nose and a mouth and boobs and buttocks and an ass and two arms and two legs and hair - just like you? Well, if I'm human, I should be treated like human, right?

Seriously, what's your game? I don't want to be a part of your dim-witted game. What have I done to you? Oh that's right, absotivelyposilutely nothing. So why are you picking on me like I'm Britney Spears when she shaved her head bald? Why do - yes, emphasize on the present tense - you say that I'm this, I'm that, when I'm just like another human being out there? Of all people, me?

Oh wait, I know why, you're jealous, aren't you Little Miss Oh-My-God-I'm-So-Hideously-Ugly? You're so pathetic. You're so lame. And for your information, I've been trying to be nice to you but all I get now. . .is you spreading rumours about me. Yeah. So much for being nice. Pfft.

And for your other information, I'm not trying to be nice to you anymore. I think you're sick, I think you're stupid and you're blind. I think you're a human with a brain, but you don't use it. Instead, you use your brain just to make babies, right? Wait, scratch that. People don't use their brains to make babies. So, as a conclusion, you don't use your brain at all. Ha ha! So stop picking on me, look yourself in the mirror first and tell me what you see. Clueless? Here's a clue : Zombie. Yeeeeeaaahhh.

My theory is simple, be nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Be filthy bad to me, and I'll shoot your boobs with an M16. See? Told you my theory is easy.

Stop picking on me and GET A LIFE!!!



Sunday, August 17
9:32 PM

I just remembered. . .

that I have THREE assignments to complete. . .

by the time the school reopens.

Oh, isn't this great? I've only started hmm. . .20% of the whole thing. This. Is. Just. Great. So much for a "holiday". The school is torturing us and I'm not liking it one bit >:(

Crap, looks like I have to start doing the assignments now.

ARGGGHHHHHHH!!!

I bet college is much, much worse. Haha



4:24 PM

Today, I went to The Loaf at Pavilion with my family. We had brunch there, in occasion of Kakcik's birthday. She's twenty-two today -- Kakcik, you're old! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA kidding! We ate and laughed a lot. Well, from what I know, I ate a lot. Haha. Well, it's not wrong to eat a lot once in your lifetime. I'm too lazy to write down the details of what happened today, yawwwnnn I'm tired.

Senarai Orang yang Tersalah Cakap ( 17/8/08 );
1. Barnickle. Correct word : Dark chocolate. He said : Chark docholate.
2. Barnickle again. Correct word : Sekarang. He said : Setarang.
3. Barnickle again again. Correct word : Bacon. He said : Beacon.

HAHAHAHAHA my brother is such a funny dude. Well, he's going back to Miri tomorrow. Looks like the joy will end anytime soon.



Friday, August 15
9:34 PM

I feel so blessed today. Things were pretty rough at school just now, I witnessed quite a handful of people crying. But anyway, my day went pretty awesome. I just feel so blessed. Details coming up.

I went to the hospital this morning for my itchy spots. Turns out, the dermatologist said that I may be having an allergic rash. So, he gave me two tubes of ointment for my rashes and a packet of pills. I'm supposed to go back to the hospital in three weeks, if it doesn't get any better.

As I got to the hospital, I was astounded by the interior changes. The last time I went there, it was pretty dark and dodgy. But now, it's very high-class and clean. The main hallways had light green walls, with white swirls stamped on it. The ceiling lights were those yellow kinds, not the white kinds. It looks more like the hallways of a hotel rather than a hospital.

While I was waiting for my name to be called up, I was freezing. I waited for almost two hours until I was called up. The air-cond was blasting, and the cold was unbearable. As I waited in the waiting room with Abah, I entertained myself with the book that I brought. Unfortunately, I finished reading the whole book, so I had nothing to do. As the time passed, I grew more and more impatient. Like I said, the cold was just unbearable. It got to me. My feet and my hands went cold. My nails turned purple, eventually getting colourless. Oh great, I don't have any body warmth left.

After a few hours, I went home. I took a second shower, got ready, and I went to school.

I got home from school late today. I arrived at 8pm. As I got home, I saw Mama with piles of clothes. I won't bore you with the details, so just bear with me. Mama said the piles of clothes are for all of us; me, Abah, Mama herself, Kak Intan, Barnickle, Kak Lea, and Kakcik. All seven of us.

From the pile of clothes, I found a really cute tube top that can go with my jacket. I also found a super duper gorgeous olive green jacket that I just have to have. Oh, did I mention that I also found a Victoria Beckham jeans? I feel so blessed. And from the pile, I also found a pair of maroon velvet pants from Esprit. I'm just dying to have those, and the rest.

As I went up to my room, I checked my phone. I got a message. And, it was from someone I didn't expect to send me an SMS. I read through the message a couple of times, grasping the words in my head. My knees trembled as I leaned against my closet, my mind blank, my mouth wide open in shock. As I read the message again, that's when my lips started to quiver. It was him.

I slapped myself a couple of times, making sure that I wasn't dreaming. This is just so surreal. Yep, it wasn't a dream. I tried to relax myself as I showered, but it didn't do much. Instead, my eyes were wide in shock as the warm water strolled down my body. So I showered quickly, washing my hair, and I had my dinner.

So, as of right now, I'm still in shock, and I'm confused.

And oh, did I mention that I finished a five-hundred-paged Twilight book in just four days? Ahahahaha.



Wednesday, August 13
9:58 PM

Today was a great day. I somehow enjoyed it. Although, I did clench my fist again like yesterday. I think this fist-clenching thing is becoming a regular basis to me now. But otherwise, today was a whole lot better than yesterday :)

English was sort of fun. Teacher wrote on the board a question like so : -

"What do you see yourself in ten years?"

Some of us answered it orally, like me. Haha. I told my classmates that in ten years' time, I'll see myself as a really successful chemist, with my very own Blackberry, an apartment, a super duper outrageously cool car, and yeah that's about it. I also told them that I'm going to become a part-time photographer, just to fill my hobbies. Oh, Amin.

Kak Lea picked me up from school today. We used the Smart Tunnel this time. Well, we thought it would arrive us home earlier than before, but it was the same. While on the road, I just remembered that I brought some fruits earlier today. I forgot about it at school so I left it uneaten. While listening to the radio, I wolfed down a plum the size of my eyeball and a pear the size of my fist. Well, since I brought it to be eaten, and since my stomach was empty, I decided to eat them while I get home. It filled my tummy alright.

When I got home, I chomped down a plate of fried meehun and two bite-sized chickens. It was simply delicious. Voila!

After dinner, I went upstairs to shower. I used that TRESemme shampoo, which left a really nice fragrance on my hair. I relaxed my body with a Suave shower gel, with the scent of toasted vanilla and sugar. I got out of the shower smelling like I've just been to the spa, right on!

To make things better, MY BROTHER IS COMING HOMEEEEEEEE!

You heard me. Barnickle's coming home, tonight. I'm so excited to see him! I decided to follow Abah to pick him up at the airport. I don't care coming home late, as long as I get to see him the moment he arrives. Oh, only God knows how much I miss him. It's like there's life again in this house. His jokes, his laughter, the scent of his perfume lingering around if he goes out with his friends, his iniquity sarcasm that gives me the giggles. Sighhhhh. . .

Turns out, I'm going to the dermatologist next week. Oh, joy. It's like waiting for pigs to fly, ha-ha.



Tuesday, August 12
9:04 PM

Today was just a living hell. I spent my day in pure misery. The smiles I slapped on my face were just disguises.

Oh give it a rest, Iman. People won't care if you don't smile.

By the time it was already the second period, my mood drastically changed from cheerful to down in the dumps. What on earth? Why did that happen? How? And most importantly, why? I don't know. Things just come back to me all of a sudden. I was completely engulfed in my storybook, Twilight. Suddenly, drastically, I went down in the dumps.

English was boring, as usual. I only gave nods and short answers when my teacher asked a question. I was in no particular mood. I just wanted to go home. I didn't want to be in school. It's hell. I quickly did my work that the teacher assigned us, and I started engulfing myself in that storybook. I thought it would get my mind off everything, but, ha ha, I wish. I couldn't concentrate my mind on that book. Sure, I did read. But my imagination didn't seem to work properly. I just read the words like it didn't mean anything. Like they're just random words.

During Recess, I was pretty much dejected by lots of things. I felt like myself back in 2006, the year of one-hundred-percent hell (despite UPSR). They were everywhere. Everywhere I looked, they inter framed into my view. In the end, I found myself sitting at the same table with Sara, Wawin, and Athirah. I only ate four sticks of keropok lekor, which were fresh, compared to the days before. I never knew that I was the I'm-so-depressed-I'm-going-to-hurt-myself type. The demon of hatred in me became aggressively active. I felt steam coming out of my head. I found myself scrunching the plastic from the keropok lekor into a ball, and I gripped it tight in my fist. I clenched my fist so tight, my nails dug deep into my skin. I nearly cut myself, but I didn't. Instead, the fist-clenching left me marks on my right palm. It went super red and painful. I didn't bother. I felt good.

After the second assembly, it was Science. I was looking forward to it, since we were going to do an experiment on neutralisation. And there she was. Sitting alone as I was standing up to help another group with their experiment. She was staring at me. It gave me a chill up my spine. I could sense and feel the hatred she has for me. I caught her eye, she was still staring at me. I looked away. Her hatred for me seemed inadequate. There I go again, clenching my fist. And for the record, I can still see faint lines on my right palm from the fist-clenching. But, I told myself to let go. And so I did. I enjoyed the experiment.

I went home feeling like a chipper. But, I went back to square one. It came back to me. Suddenly things came rushing back into my mind, agitating me from enjoying my novel, Twilight. I couldn't focus on the page-flipping novel. But, I just read through, just to take my mind off things.

As I got home, I could smell the breathtaking aroma of my maid's wonderful chicken curry. Without hesitating, I went upstairs to my room to take a shower. Somehow I didn't enjoy it. It didn't unwind me. I took my time as I applied some cream to my itchy spots. While listening to The Jonas Brothers on Hitz.Fm, I deliberately dipped a cotton bud into the tub of some cream, and then applying it to each of my itchy spots. They're uncountable now. Unfortunately, new spots popped up on my skin, on my legs, to be precise. While applying the cream, I gradually became sadder and sadder. Looking at my itchy spots gave me the horror. The repulsion, the disgust, the horror!

After applying the cream, I went downstairs for dinner. Again, I didn't have the mood to speak to anyone. To make things worse, Abah informed me that we probably won't be seeing the dermatologist this week. The clinic only opens on Tuesdays & Fridays. It's been five days since I've been to the hospital, and I see no changes. I don't think I'm going to the dermatologist this Friday because Abah has some work to do. Unless Mama wants to take me to the hospital. Great. There goes my last piece of joy, shattered into pieces. I'm completely frustrated and aggravated from Abah's statement. We were supposed to go on Thursday, but the clinic won't be open. So work is more important than health?

Well, you don't want to hear the rest. I'm just so. . .bothered. I've been going about this whole itchy spots thing for over a month now. A new spot here, some more scratching there. Oh, poor envy. Right.

Please save me.



Monday, August 11
9:16 PM

Seriously, do you even get blamed for doing something right? I think not.

Well, I did something right. I was being fair, wasn't I?

Wasn't I?

I don't get it. Kau dah kena warn dengan cikgu, kau tahu aku akan ambik nama kau. Pastu kau bising. Memang lah aku ambik nama kau.

I was being fair okay. It's not like I stole anything from you. Well, you've stolen something from someone, right?

Right?

Well, whatever you wanna do to me, go ahead. Sure, hold a grudge, I don't care. As long as I succeed in my studies. Hey, I go to school to be educated, to become intelligent, not to bother about grudge-holders and gossipers and rumour-spreaders. Haha, I'm sure going to laugh hysterically.

I used to be a girl with very low self-esteem and insecure, but now, I'm not that girl anymore. I've been motivated to not care about anything else but myself. My self-esteem is high, I'm really stable and proud, and I so don't give a damn about everything that don't mean a thing to me.

Seriously, try putting up a fight with me. But let me warn you, I'm just going to laugh at your feeble endeavour. Well, to be precise, your undertake to piss me off just makes me give you a shrill of sarcasm up your spine.

Good luck electrifying me. . .
that is, if you're so valiant. BAHAHAHAHAH




Saturday, August 9
2:19 PM

. . .gotta stop doing what you're doing.

Stop letting your insincere words escape from your big mouth. Just stop it. You talk with words that you don't even mean. You say something to astound other people, thinking you're so loaded and so extraordinary. But face the fact, you're just not. You're fooling everybody, including your own pity self.

Your mouth seems to captivate not just me, but everyone else. Your sweet talking bullshit pounds in my head like a hammer. I choose to interpret it as a fat white lie. You never cease to make me snort and laugh in sympathy.

Stop it. Your lies are horrible. Seriously, do you even need to lie on a teeny weeny small thing? Just to astound me, him, her, them, and everyone else? Oh please, just bring the bullshit to a halt. I'm sure in the end, everyone will find out about the bitter truth about you. I'm sure everyone will dish the dirt on you. Mark my words.

Well, from what I've learned and actually experienced, you're a piece of talking bullshit. You're a liar. Hey, come to think of it, you're no better than I am, or anyone, for that matter.

Stop lying. God is going to cut your tongue.



Friday, August 8
9:13 PM

It was during Sivik, no teacher came in our class. There we were, all six of us, sat perched in a circle on the floor of our classroom. We talked and confessed and chatted and mengumpat-ed, it was another memorable moment for us. We laughed our guts out, we fooled around, we chilled. Oh, I just love it when we spend our times together. It's like, whenever I'm with them, I don't care about anything else. I only care about having fun with my five close friends. It was joy, alright.

There I was, laughing and fooling around with my five friends. Then suddenly, she walks by. I could feel the pang of hatred she has for me, slowly creeping up my back, like a gross hairy tarantula. The hairs on my neck stood up, but I told myself, why bother? Hey, she hates me, what do I care? I have a life. I mean, seriously, why on Earth should I care about what other people think of me?

Would. Why would I care? It's just a total waste of my time. Plus, I have looooads of better things to do than to pester you to stop thinking negatively about me. Oh, please.

Well, unless they're my really close friends, yeah, I'd give a damn. But otherwise, if I don't know you and you say I'm a snobby bitch, hey, I don't care!

As she walked by, I stood tall and proud. Like a peacock. Ever since that day, Wawin advised me to just give a shit about it. I was told to be independent and most importantly, I must not lose my dignity. Things have been happening, and I've been interpreting. I can sense that some group in my class thrashed about me. Okay, so you say I'm a bitch, I say you're a sad ass loser who doesn't have a life, instead you thrash about other people. I seriously don't care. I f'ing don't care. My life, my rules. Your life, not my problem.

Okay, so my point is, I don't care what people say or do to me. All I care about are my studies and of course, my close friends. That's all. I'm sick of playing nice to bad people. I'm no more the nice-to-everyone kind of girl. I'm the you-do-good-to-me-I'll-do-good-to-you kind of girl now. Yes, people change. But hey, it's my nature and you can't change it. Only I can. I have the power to rule my own life. You have the power to go away and leave me alone. I have the power to shove you off if you get in my way. And most importantly, you don't have the power to sabotage my life.

Oh, Wawin should soooo read this post :D
Aku tahu posture aku tegak bila aku jalan. "Poised" katanya. Pahal, kau jealous? :)



Thursday, August 7
10:12 PM

Today was all about confessions. Confessions confessions confessions. Today was a cold and rainy day.

Like I said, today was all about confessions. My close friends confessed to me about everything. They confessed to me about how they feel about something involving me, they confessed to me about my flaws. So technically we had a face-to-face heart-to-heart talk. I took their confessions about me as a positive message. I took it as an advice, as a motivator, as a positive message. Yes, I did feel a bit hurt, but I know they were confessing for the better. They know, I don't like repeating the same mistakes again. They know, that I prefer the bitter truth than the shameful lies. From that confession session, I've learned more about myself. I've learned about the mistakes that I never knew I did.

I felt good after our session of confessions. We felt good, relieved, and accomplished.

I'm glad to admit that I have friends who love me for who I am, who are always there for me. I'm glad to admit that my friends are so honest and truthful to me. I'm glad to admit that I love my friends as they are.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you, Almighty Allah, for blessing me with such souls. Thank you for another great day.



Wednesday, August 6
9:13 PM

Today was another awful bad day. No details, I don't want a recap of what happened today.

On the bright side. . .

I'm going to the hospital tomorrow morning before school. I'm finally getting a check-up on these itchy spots. New batches of spots grew on my skin today. It even got to my butt, dammit!

My skin is really, really dry. It's as dry as the Sahara desert. I'm really really stressed, I don't eat enough nowadays -- I only eat to fill my tummy -- I'm lacking on water, and oh what else? I have no idea why my skin is really dry. It's like I showered with a corrosive substance.

Overall, I'd rate my day as a 2/10. Ah fuck it.



Tuesday, August 5
9:51 PM

10 Signs You're a Dumb Blonde;

1. You ask really silly questions with really obvious answers. i.e. I'm doing my homework and you ask, What are you doing?
2. You declare that you're so fat and you need to diet, but you're Nicole-Richie-thin.
3. You hate your own appearance -- and you tend to go for the wrong stuffs, which make you look even uglier HAHAHAHA.
4. You happen to say "like" a lot. i.e. Like omigah, like do you know like that girl is so like really really fat and she wears like a tube top that like shows her belly.
5. You're pretty, just that you don't have the brains.
6. You bounce when you walk, like as if you're on the runway when you're actually not.
7. You tend to annoy people.
8. You're stupid.
9. You take serious comments about yourself.
10. You're effing emotional, GET A GRIPPPP!

If you think you have all those ten characteristics, sorry girls, you're a dumb blonde. Haha, just sharing with you readers on how a dumb-blonde really acts. I know a few, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Seriously girls, get a grip. If you're thin like Nicole Richie, HAHA don't even bother to say that you're fat and need to diet. It's stupid, not to mention annoying. Unless you look like Britney Spears, well I think that's when you diet. Sheesh.

10 Things that Annoy Me the Most;

1. You ask me really stupid questions with really obvious answers.
2. You're a really stupid kiss-ass.
3. You sing like there's no tomorrow -- unless your voice is superb (like Sara's), yeah I can live with that.
4. You can't stop nagging on stuff.
5. You show-off.
6. You shout unnecessarily.
7. You think you're so fat (but fact is you're skinny like Gisele Bundchen)
8. You don't take me seriously.
9. You only come to me for a friend when your clique is not around.
10. You complain.

Seriously dudes and dudettes, is bugging my head off the only thing you do? I mean, come on! Hey, this is not a karaoke. Please don't sing, unless your voice is amazing like Mariah Carey's. And seriously, stop whining! It's so annoying, I can just tie you up on a stick and roast you.

Hey people,
STOP BUGGING ME LAH OI!



9:36 AM

It is now 9.37am, my stomach is empty, and I received two new itchy spots on my legs. Oh, isn't this the life? Scratching your legs like mad while you crave for food for your hungry tummy, yeah this is the life. Pfft.

Yesterday after recess was hilarious. The teachers had a really long meeting, so after recess we didn't learn anything at all. Haha. Instead, we gossiped and chatted and walked here and there. Our class prefect, Nadine had to take care of our class. Haha, good luck Nadine *evil smiles*

I played this hilarious game with Wawin, Lyna, Qiela, and Piqa. I'm not sure what it's called, but it was no doubt hysterical. Seriously! We laughed liked mad playing that game.

Unfortunately, Ms W came to our class and went really whacked. She accused us for stealing two of our classmates' books. Lyna passed up her exercise book but Ms W didn't receive it. And when Ms W said that Lyna didn't pass up her book, she panicked. That's not it, Ms W also accused Lyna of losing her book, but the thing is she didn't. Lyna already passed up her book together with the rest of our books, but Ms W said she didn't have Lyna's book. That means she must've lost it! Yesterday, another girl (Chinese) lost her exercise book as well, but she passed up already. This time, Ms W didn't accuse her of losing it. Instead, she accused us, the whole class for stealing her book. She called us thieves and liars, right in front of our faces. She even made us check our own bags for the Chinese girl's book. Oh, budak Cina tu kau kisah pulak buku dia hilang, Lyna punya buku hilang kau tak kisah. Weh, racist gila la kau ni.

Ms W practically shouted at Lyna for "losing her exercise book" -- Lyna didn't lose her book, Ms W did! So then, Lyna stood up for herself. She stood up and declared that she passed up her book and she didn't lose it. I can sense in her change of voice that she is sick of hiding the fact that her book is passed up.

"But, teacher! I passed up my book already!" - Lyna
"Well the book is not with me, so you must've lost your book." - Ms W
"But, I already passed it up! It's with the AJK, she passed it up along with everyone else's books!"
"Your book is not with me. If you don't have your book, I want you to do a new one."
***Lyna went completely stunned by that statement.
"You all are thieves and liars! Buku orang lain pon kamu nak curi!" said Ms W, therefore just leaving us all stunned and berserk.

Just as she was gone, all of us cooed and cursed and swore at Ms W. Lyna cried because she had to do her exercise book all over again. And hey, there are like more then seven long indexes? So, as a friend of Lyna's, I told her not to do it. In fact, Wawin and the rest also told Lyna not to do what Ms W instructed. We told her, if her name is called up for not passing up her book, she should explain one by one to the panitia KH, which happens to be a teacher that is nice to Lyna.

After that scene, Sara and I wanted to report this to Pn Lalitha. Lyna wanted to talk to Pn Lalitha about this but unfortunately, Pn Lalitha was at a meeting. So we headed back to class, feeling disappointed. I was really impressed when Lyna stood up for herself. After she stood up for herself, all of us can tell that Ms W panicked by that incident, and she tried to cover herself up by going off just like that. Haha, coward.

I got home from school feeling tired and hungry. Abah picked me up instead of Kak Lea. As soon as I got home, I ate dinner. I had to use cutleries when I ate my dinner because my right middle finger was wounded. I got that painful cut when I put my books in my locker at school. I wanted to be quick, so as I slided my books into my locker, my middle finger got caught at the metal skirting. That's when blood started to drool on my finger. Luckily, my friend Nina had a plaster bandage. Wawin took that plaster and we headed to the toilet quickly. I washed the blood from my finger while the water stung my wound. I dried it quickly and Wawin immediately wrapped the plaster bandage around my finger -- hoho thanks again, Wawin! There was so much blood escaping from my wound that even the plaster bandage had a drop of blood on it. Haha.

Well, I guess I'd better get going. I haven't eaten my breakfast yet. Shit. The weather today is kinda cloudy, I think it's gonna rain. Yaaayyy! Oh fuck, I have class with Ms W today, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Dammit!



Sunday, August 3
10:30 AM

It is 10.30am, one hour after I woke up. I haven't eaten, I'm shivering cold, and I have no idea what to do. I think Kak Lea is going to Ikea today. Hmph, maybe I'll follow her for the sake of not dying of boredom.

I have a really sharp pain at my right leg. Whenever I walk or straighten it, I feel a really sharp pull around my knee. I limp when I walk. The pain started since yesterday morning, when I went to send Mama to the LCCT airport. Oh God, what's happening to me?

I am really depressed. Unspoken words lay in my heart, wanting the world to hear it. As of right now, I'm not interested in anything but my studies. I'm not interested in my social life, I'm not interested in school, I'm not interested in anything. I just want to focus on my studies and get spectacular grades.

My social life stinks. Sometimes, I get so annoyed at my friends for no reason. I get so annoyed at them that I don't talk to them. Oh, the guilt! They've done nothing wrong, so why should I get annoyed at them? That's right, I shouldn't. So what's wrong with me? I don't know who to turn to, where to go. I don't like school. I want to stay at home.

Well, I guess all that is important now are my studies. Get good grades, go to a really good college, get a cool job with high salaries, hoho. Amin.



Saturday, August 2
8:40 PM

THIS IS THE 100TH POST!!!

Bahaha! I woke up at 5am today. I followed Kak Lea and Abah to send Mama to the LCCT airport. We left the house by 5.30am. Mama went to Bangkok for a holiday trip with her friends. Well, she deserves it. After all her hard work, she deserves a vacation. She'll be back by Tuesday. I hope she's safe, wherever she is. Amin.

I went to Pavilion with Qiela, Nina, and Lyna by noon. Then we met Alin by 3pm. By 5pm, we met Athirah and we resumed our outing. Well, I'm too lazy to blog about the details. It's just a normal outing, just that we didn't watch a movie. By 6pm, we went to 1901 and we just sat there and chatted. Nina's sister, Lya -- I must admit, she's sooooo gorgeous! Haha -- came and hanged out with us. Then we went to Starbucks, and we relaxed there. By 7pm, I had to leave already. So I said goodbye to everyone and I went to wait for Abah and Kak Lea at the taxi stand. So, overall, my outing was awesome. I enjoyed it :) Oh oh! I also bought a really cute baby-tee from MNG that costs RM30. Hehe. ***Pictures will be uploaded soon.

After I went home, I decided to take a shower. Well, from the outing today, I learned something from it. Bravery. I had several panic attacks but I managed to overcome it. When I first arrived at Pavilion, I was alone. Everyone else didn't arrive yet, so I was sensible and smart enough to sit at a nearby security guard. I was alone and I was kinda scared, so I phoned Athirah until Qiela arrived. I was on the phone with her for about, I don't know, half an hour? Hahah.

List of food I've taken today;
1. Sausage McMuffin with Egg
2. Hot Milo
3. Wantons
4. Chicken rice
5. Two scoops of Baskin Robbins ice cream :DDD
6. Two lollipops

Haha. Tak makan banyak hari ni.

After I showered, I sat on my bed, applying the antiseptic Dettol on my spots. Unfortunately a few new spots emerged on my skin today, mostly on my feet. So I sat on my bed with nothing on but my undergarments, using a cotton bud to apply the antiseptic Dettol on the spots. As I applied the Dettol, I thought about everything in my life. I thought about Mama, I thought about my friends, I thought about my problems. Suddenly, I started crying. Big teardrops trickled down my cheeks, wetting my skin. I applied the antiseptic through heavy sobs. The spots are just bugging me. This is just too much. I can't stand this anymore. After applying the antiseptic, I applied the cream the doctor gave me for the spots.

Recently I've been getting painful pulls on my right leg. I don't know why, but it feels like as if someone's pulling my leg, tearing the ligaments and the muscles. Like a really sharp pain. I'm not really sure if you would call it a cramp. Oh, I just don't know. And sometimes, I can't bend my right leg toward myself. As in, I can't hug my right knee. I'd feel a very sharp pain on my leg. This worries me. Why? Well, Mama told me about a disease called Chikungunya -- pronounced as chi-ku-goon-nia. She said that my spots could be one of the symptoms. And also a swelling feeling at your body. I'm very worried. I did a blood test the other day, and the doctor said I was fine. Alhamdulillah.

Was. I was fine. What about now? Am I still fine? I'd report it to Abah but he thinks it's just a cramp. Well it's not. I already told Mama about it and she said that I should tell Abah immediately if I feel the sharp pain. And so I did. Abah said that I should just apply minyak panas to relieve it. What if it is Chikungunya? Or if it's another disease? I should do another blood test. *sighs* I can't wait for Mama to get back from Bangkok. She'll take this more seriously.

I can't stand this anymore. When I took my antibiotic pills just now, I felt like taking triple the dosage so that I'd feel drowsy, or whatever. But I didn't. I can't live like this. Everything is bugging me. And I mean everything.



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