Iman Nedhiera

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Intensely passionate about photography and other artsy fartsy farts. An avid nature-lover. Highly obsessed with sunny afternoons and evenings, funky-looking clouds, and sunsets. Deeply infatuated with all things old, vintage, and kitschy. Highly sentimental. An enthusiast in baking, photography, and music :)


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Tuesday, September 30
8:07 PM

The last day of Puasa 2008 is today. In less than five hours, it will be Wednesday; 1 Syawal. Raya already.

It seemed like just yesterday it was the first day of Puasa. It seemed like just yesterday I was so excited for Puasa. But time flies by. It's already the last day of Puasa for the year. You do so many things, you don't even realise the time flying by.

I'm pretty sad that this is the last day of Puasa. But it's okay, tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is Raya! It's all about eating the traditional rendang and lemang and ketupat! And all those Raya cookies! It will be a joyous, prosperous day. I will enjoy it.

I woke up to the sound of my mum's voice this morning. She was in her I'm-so-lazy-I'm-going-to-relax-all-day clothes. But she wasn't so lazy and going to relax all day. It's just one day before Raya, and I know what this means. My mum in her oversized T-shirt and a pair of shorts, her hair tied back in a neat ponytail, I know what this means. It's cooking time.

The clock showed 10.30am. I decided to clean up my room a bit. I tidied up my bed (as usual) and I threw away all those little scraps of rubbish -- i.e. unused papers. I also tidied up my study table, only leaving my earphones and my pencilbox on the table. Everything seems neat and tidy now.

Then I went downstairs to the kitchen. It was a buzz. The dining table and the chairs were pushed aside. A big rattan mat was placed on the floor, practically covered by humans -- Mama, Kak Lea, my maid, and Kak Intan -- and bowls and chopping boards and knives. I went to sit on the mat.

There were two big basins of raw, slimy, stinky cockles. I was told to remove the flesh of the cockles from the shells. Okay, no problem. Just open the smelly shells, and just take out the slimy flesh and put it in another basin. Sure. . .

Except that it was so revolting! The cockles were raw, uncooked. They were smelly and nauseating, and the dirt or the sand or whatever that stuck to the shells surely didn't make things any better. Really, the dirt from the shells even got under my nails. The smell was just nauseating. Luckily I didn't eat anything four hours before cracking open the shells.

My dad also helped me with the cockles, thankfully. It was sort of fun, because my dad kept telling me -- in a joking way -- to not crack open the big ones, so that the big cockles will go to us. Ha, he sure knows how to crack someone up.

Okay, enough of the cockles already. I couldn't take it anymore, so I decided to help Kak Intan with the petai rebus. We were supposed to take out the flesh of the petai, just like with the cockles -- except they're less slimy and smell good compared to the cockles.

Then, I helped with the chilies. Kak Intan and Kak Lea joined me too. We were supposed to slice the chilies in half, without completely slicing them in half, and to remove the seeds and the cores of the chilies. I stopped after a few chilies because my mum told me to. She said it could burn my fingers, and my flesh was still so raw. So I stopped. Thankfully my fingers didn't burn, but somehow it went to my left ear. My ear burned like crazy.

Then I helped Kak Intan slice the onions. It was fun, apart from the chemicals that get into your eyes, hence making your eyes all watery and puffy and you're forced to shut it tight. And come to think of it, the smell of the onions are still stuck on my fingers right now. While slicing the onions, my eyes got very watery and puffy. I couldn't see. It was like as if I purposely poured shampoo into my eyes. The onions stung my eyes really, really badly. That's when I stopped.

And the rest is history. The whole day has been a busy buzz. A lot of preparations were to be made for tomorrow. Apparently a lot of guests are visiting our house tomorrow. So there are numerous things to be set up.

Well, I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a prosperous Hari Raya! I'm sorry if I ever did you wrong, or hurt your feelings.

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin :)



Monday, September 29
1:21 PM

The title of this post says it all. I'm sick of Hari Raya cookies already! Haha.

Well, I spent the whole last weekend making cookies for Hari Raya and running errands with Kak Lea.

Saturday, 27th September 08 : I made those honey-cornflakes cookies with Kak Intan. We started late in the afternoon, like around 4.30pm. And trust me, making cookies requires a lot of time and hardwork! Well, actually, making the honey-cornflakes wasn't that hard. It only took us around three hours to fill up five and a half (big) big jars with those honey-cornflakes. It was quite fast, actually. Since I wasn't fasting that day -- due to my menstrual cycle -- I occasionally sneak spoonfuls of the raw honey-cornflakes into my mouth out of Kak Intan's sight. And man, it tastes so good!

By the time it was buka puasa already, I really couldn't take anymore honey-cornflakes. I was practically full from the sneaking-spoonfuls-of-honey-cornflakes-into-my-mouth while making them.

Sunday, 28th September 08 : First thing I did when I woke up was I took a shower. I woke up pretty late, probably because I've had a really long week. And then, Kak Lea asked me to follow her to Ikea to get some stuff. So I followed her.

From the trip to Ikea, I got myself a stack of small boxes to be put on my dresser in my room. It only cost RM12.90. Coolio.

But when I go to Ikea, I really can't stand looking at the bedroom section. The quilts, the beds, the bedframes and the rest, they really tempt me. I felt envious because I wanted my room to be like one of Ikea's. Sometimes I even dream that some person from Ikea would sneak into my room and completely transform it into a really super duper cool lounge-ish type of bedroom.

After that, we went to Ikano to get some groceries. We also came across the Japanese Coca Colas. Really, they're so cool. They sold the Cokes in two types of packaging :

a) A really tall beer tin can.
b) A 400ml bottle.

And the beer tin can looks like this :



Cool eh?

After that, we went home.

It was already 4.30pm, so we started sorting out the stuff to make the Chocolate London cookies. You know, those cookies with almonds inside, and the outer part is covered with chocolate and topped with crushed nuts? Yeah, that one.

So we started at 4.30pm. While Kak Lea mixed the dough, I cut the almonds in half. And hey, cutting almonds in half are not easy! I repeat, not easy! First of all, I had to use a butcher's knife. You know, that big square one that butchers use to chop off meat? Yeah, that one. I experimented with different methods on how to cut almonds in half. It wasn't easy, nope.

Kak Lea was done with the dough, so we began to take small balls of dough and shape it into a rugby ball. We squashed the dough flat, then we put the almond-halves on top of it. We sealed the almond-halves with the dough, and we shaped it into a rugby ball again. We did this approximately a hundred times.

It took us six and a half hours to finish the whole thing. Yeah, you've read it correctly. Six and a half hours. This is because our microwave oven is small -- my parents still can't find the right oven, so they bought a microwave oven while searching for the right one -- and it takes like fourty minutes to bake one tray of Chocolate London. Since the dough was a lot, we had to make trays of the cookies. And to top it all off, we made two batches of the dough.

Then came the melting-the-chocolate part. I cut the cooking chocolate in small squares and I dumped it into a double-boiler. Then I witnessed the chocolate melting into a gooey chocolatey substance. It looked so good! It tasted even better!

So after the chocolate is melted, we began coating the cookies with the chocolate. I topped the cookies off with crushed nuts.

And guess how many jars we achieved filling with the Chocolate London cookies? Three, and a half. And they're not so big either. We spent six and a half hours making cookies, and we only filled three (and a half) jars. Well, it was okay. I had fun making the cookies.

Wow, what a busy weekend I had. I even woke up super late today.



Saturday, September 27
1:04 PM

Y.E.S.T.E.R.D.A.Y

Yesterday was all fun. I surely didn't regret going to school yesterday.

Yesterday was also the last day of school before the Hari Raya holidays. And trust me, my classmates and I were completely upside down. We sang, we danced, we screamed like little monkeys.

We were so excited for Hari Raya, so most of us sang some of the Hari Raya songs. It was fun...until we got caught by our BM teacher. Haha. But BM was still fun, because the teacher was fun! It was one of the best moments I had with my classmates. And we seldom scream and sing and dance altogether in the class, because our class is "public". What I mean by "public" is, when visitors come to the school, they will pass our class. Translation : we must be quiet and behaved all the time.

It was good to feel free and just let your hair down for once in a while. It's not like you get to do it everyday. Yesterday, I love.

And then for buka puasa, Kak Lea and Kakcik's other halves came. Translation : Abg Hafiz and Abg Azlan respectively. They even wore colour-coded clothes, haha. So then we ate. There were so much food to be eaten. There were grilled fish, ayam masak kicap, gulai udang, onde-onde, and many more. By the time I was done eating, I literally couldn't move without the feeling of nausea.

Abg Azlan brought his PS3! Can you believe it? He bought a PS3! The PS3. That thing is like as huge as a PC. But unfortunately, he had only one game with him. And the game was MetalGearSolid4. Some violent shooting game -- though I had fun playing with it. Abg Hafiz also played the game. We had to take turns because there was only one game controller. Seriously, it takes like at least ten tries to finish off one stage. It was so hard! It's like being in a real war.

Not only that, the game was also like a movie. There are short films after you finish a stage, which look really cool. The graphics were so real, even though it was in 3D.

And then, later that night, I joined my siblings talk about stuff. Like lines from our favourite movies, and our ridiculously funny pasts, and many more. Laughter filled the air -- accompanied by the sound of MetalGearSolid4 blasting through the speakers of the TV.

I no doubt had fun yesterday. I was so full of joy, so full of laughter and hyperness.

And today. . .I'm going to run errands with Kak Lea.

Nice.



Thursday, September 25
11:08 PM

I've realized that I haven't been blogging for quite a while. Well, this is due to the stupid internet connection here at home. But now, it's already fixed! Yay!

This whole week had been hectic. It felt like just yesterday it was only Monday. And today is already Thursday, in about less than an hour it'll be Friday.

Okay, so the word 'hectic' says it all. I've had quite a rough time lately. It's just so indescribable. Many emotions filled me. I was sad, I was hurt, I was angry, I was pissed. . .

Tomorrow will be the last day of school for the week. Next week it'll be school holidays for Hari Raya. I'm just going to school tomorrow to get my books from my locker so that I can revise them later at home.

Nowadays, going to school is like going to prison. You know what I mean? For some reason I get nervous just before arriving at school. I've been going to school pretty late these days. I arrive just on time for the reading session. I'm only going to school because I want to focus on my studies, s'all. Nothing else matters at the moment.

I'm so pissed, I'm so hurt, I'm so stressed. I don't know what to do! And I'm so confused! What did I do that caused them to completely ignore the hell out of me? As far as I can remember I've done nothing wrong to them. I mean, what the hell? It was just yesterday it was all fun and play, but today it was just ignore and don't bother. WTFFFFF!!

God! This whole week had been so whacked! I'd pray, I'd do just about anything that involves with my religion. Lately I've become pretty religious, and oh hell yeah it sure made things better, literally. But now I can't pray, because I'm not allowed to. Why? Because I'm having my bloody menstrual cycle. Stupid. If only I'm not having my menstrual cycle, then praying would be my number one priority right now.

Stupid dirty blood.

Stupid idiots.

Stupid little. . .

Argghh!



Tuesday, September 23
7:49 PM

Last night, I was leafing through the old collection of photo albums. There were many, many photos of my family, and their friends. I must say, I was completely astounded when I came across an album way back in the sixties, or the seventies.

First of all, my mum. She was the most beautiful person I've ever seen! I'm not just saying this just because she's my mummy, but oh man she's just so pretty! And no, I'm not posting her pictures, respect her privacy. I leafed through the photos of my mummy, each frame showing a petite figure with a beautiful face.

I mean; that thin pair of lips, those big round eyes, the high cheekbones, the wavy chest-length hair. And her figure? Her body was bodacious! She was definitely a model type. Her waist measured at 24 inches, and her body is just gorgeous! I'm sure, if there were any modeling agencies near her hometown, they would definitely pick my mum. Plus, she looks her best when she wears a kebaya nyonya.

Secondly, my dad. He was so. . .freaking. . .tall! His face was so handsome, his body was so macho! No wonder my mum fell in love with my dad. And no wonder my dad fell in love with my mum. Of course, my dad wore those button up t-shirts and those flared pants in those pictures. The sense of style back in the 70's were pretty typical. Haha.

As I flipped from page to page, looking through every picture displayed under the plastic, I felt a pang of jealousy -- especially looking at my mum. I wished that my body was as bodacious as my mum's, with a man so macho and strong by my side (I'm a bit too young for that though, but you get the point!).

I also felt a hard pang of appreciation towards my parents. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have been in my mum's womb. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have learned how to walk, or start my first day of school, or grow up and become a young lady. My eyes were practically prickling with tears of joy.

I mean, seeing my mum and dad's pictures of them when they were in their early twenties, I saw two completely different people. They were hip, they were young, and they were gorgeous. They were beautiful.

Right now, I completely praise my parents. They're such good people. They're stern and strict whenever things go wrong or not the way it should be, but they're really caring. And loving. My mum happens to be one of my inspirations. I can't even point out one thing that she can't do. I mean, she can cook, she can dance, she can sing, she can sew, and she's just so talented.

And as for my dad? Well, he's strong, and he's got the brains! He's mind is so full of ancient stories, myths, facts, and many more! He's like your own dictionary. In fact, he's like your own personal text book full of things you want to know. Whatever you need to know, you can just ask him. He'll answer you. Oh, how I wish I have his brain.

I love my parents. They make me so perfect, so obedient, so grateful. Whatever it is that they always give me, they're enough for me. I don't expect anything more than they can give. Their love is all that counts. Money is not everything.

I love you, Mama and Abah :)



Saturday, September 20
11:13 PM

I'm so, so tired. I felt like this afternoon was actually yesterday. Well. . .

This afternoon, I went to Kak Lea's office because she wanted to print some stuff. So we lingered there for nearly two hours. While Kak Lea was doing her work, I surfed the internet and listening to my playlist.

After going to the office, I followed Kak Lea to her friend's photo studio. Kak Lea and her friend were supposed to have a photoshoot with a really nice couple. The wife was six months pregnant, I think. Can't really tell.

Since I had nothing better to do, and since Kak Lea and her friend suggested me to do it, I joined the photoshoot. Well, I didn't exactly get in the photoshoot, I mean, I was just tagging along. I took some pictures as well. Well, a lot, actually. Plus, I got to practise my photography skills. Well, I don't mean to brag, but most of my pictures seemed to impress Kak Lea -- and myself too. And for your information, photography is really, really tiring. I was practically panting after the 50th shot. And it didn't make things any better with the heavy camera, and the heavy flashlight, and the heavy lens.

And then, it was already 5.30pm. I was supposed to leave for Pavilion. By that time, I felt like going home. I was so tired, so exhausted. But I went to Pavilion in the end anyway.

I arrived at Pavilion around 6. I met Wawin and Qiela first, then Sara, then Yana, then Piqa. After we were together, we decided on where to buka puasa. First, we tried the food court. Of course, the food court was impossible to find a table for six of us. So we tried Carls Jr. But unfortunately, the line for Carls Jr was really, really long. It was already 6.30pm by the time we got to Carls Jr.

After the second (failure) attempt to find a place to eat, we decided to go to TGIF. We were expecting that we would get a table, since the place looked quite empty. But it turns out, the tables were already booked. So we couldn't find a table. Third try, fail.

Then, we decided to go to Coffee Bean instead. I was so hungry and so thirsty, I nearly fainted from walking for miles. By the time we got to Coffee Bean, it was already time for buka puasa. We drank ice cold water for a start.

I shared a plate of lasagna with Sara and Piqa. We each contributed some money for the lasagna. But I must say, I was really, really frustrated when I got to Coffee Bean. First of all, the lasagna was really small and not filling at all. And second, I ordered an ice-blended Belgian Chocolate, for RM11.50. And the size is...well it's smaller than Starbucks's size for Tall -- Tall is the smallest size they have at Starbucks, and it's cheaper than Coffee Bean! Seriously, RM11.50 for that shit? Oh I felt like banging my head on the wall. It was so small, and so not worth it. I prefer Starbucks. I mean, at Starbucks, you get what you pay for.

After that, we went roaming around Pavilion. Piqa decided to go to MNG, so we all followed her. The both of us tried on some clothes, and we wanted what we tried. But unfortunately, we didn't have money. I found a really gorgeous pair of three-quarter jeans, and I so wanted to buy it! But when I looked at the price. . .my face fell. It was RM159. I did not have RM159. Heck, I didn't even have thirty bucks on me. So I put it back on the rack after I tried it, feeling disappointed.

The clock struck 9pm. I had to go home already.

When I got home, I went straight to the bathroom to shower. I felt sort of dizzy, and weak. So I took a rejuvenating shower, and I feel rejuvenated now. A little tired, but at least I'm refreshed.

It was a loooooooong day today. You can't really describe the events that happened today in words.

And. . .

I can't wait for Hari Raya!



12:55 PM

Right now, I am sitting in my sister's office at the Standard Chartered tower. Her office is really, really cool! I mean, she has a cool boss, and she can access the internet from her office computer -- which not many offices can connect to the internet from their offices -- and to top it all off, she has a great view from her seat!

Her office sits on the 24th floor. The furniture and everything else are very modern. Very contemporary. And the view is just astounding! You get to see practically the whole KL, way into the horizon. Like my sister said, her office is something like Ally McBeal's office in that old TV show, Ally McBeal. And I said to myself, "Wow, how I wish my office will be like this." Really, it would be so cool!

Later today, I'm going to Pavilion with my friends for buka puasa. It was supposed to be last week, but since so little -- and I mean very little -- people could make it, we decided to cancel it and postpone it to today. So, I can't wait!

And I miss my nephew :(



Thursday, September 18
9:28 PM

Okay, honestly, I have never been yelled at by a teacher. Well, not since primary school anyway. But still, I have never been yelled at by a teacher. I can't believe it. Here I am, aged 14, I was being yelled at by my "look-alike" teacher. And. . .I don't know why on earth you people tell me that I look like this teacher!!!

Okay, so apparently I bumped into her at school this evening. I knew she'd cease me and ask me for the report on the stupid club, so I quickly tried to get away from it -- it's not like I volunteered myself to become the bloody secretary, let alone want the stupid position. Just as I was about to go up the stairs, that's when she attacked.

Iman!
Y-yes, teacher?
Where's the report?
Oh, um, saya terlupa la cikgu!
...
...
Eh awak tahu tak yang saya kena bagi balik report tu?
...
Dah, tak ada lupa-lupa lagi. Esok make sure awak bawak report tu!
Okay cikgu. Sorry cikgu.
...*taken aback*

Well at least I said sorry. Sheesh. And the worst part is, she screamed at me in front of a few form one girls. It was so embarrassing! My heart was thumping wildly against my chest, and I could feel blood rushing to my face. Well it doesn't matter anyway. She won't be teaching me next year. Hah haaa, so long sucker.

Throughout the whole day, I was literally panting all the way. I didn't have the energy to walk from place to place which left me panting so hard. Occasionally I felt blackness covering my vision. Translation : feeling faint. I wanted to get home from school early, but well, it was just a few more hours.

Somehow, I didn't have the mood at school today. It was like something made me so deranged. I mean, I couldn't stand any type of annoyance. Mainly, people shouting like there's no tomorrow. Oh how deranged and annoyed I felt. It made me feel like slapping everyone. But I kept it cool.

Looks like I have to finish that report now. Or else Cikgu Kerek will bite my head off tomorrow. And I don't see why people say I look like her. . .



Wednesday, September 17
7:38 PM

I can't believe it. I can't believe I just risked my RM10 on a stupid OMR paper for the exams in a few weeks. I can't believe that RM10 -- my RM10 -- is actually to cover up for those who haven't paid yet. Those who apparently "don't have money" to pay. WTFFFFFFFF IT'S ONLY ONE RINGGIT!

There. All my money. RM10. All gone. In the blink of an eye. I can't believe it! And then tomorrow I'd end up with only little cash. Translation : I'd only get half -- or less -- of my RM10. I don't care. I don't care if that person is in need of cash, I don't care if that person has to search for money or whatever, I just want my RM10. I don't care. I want all of my RM10 back. I have no mercy for my classmates this time. I've had it with them. I'm so fed up with them! 

And to make things worse, Sara -- my class captain -- and I won't be receiving any certificates for becoming the stupid Class Captain and the Assistant Monitor. Why? Because our class teacher didn't put our names on the board. Why? Because she thinks we're lazy. Why? Because we always give the attendance of our class late. Hey, at least we gave her the attendance before recess. Plus, it's hard to get the attendance. Because my classmates are sometimes not in class, sometimes they come late, and etcetera. Well, better late than never.

Oh yeah, talk about risking my money for my classmates just so that the amount of money for whatever-it-is is sufficient. HAH! You call that lazy? Oh please! I risked my money, for God's sake! And I'm not sure whether I'm going to get back that RM10 tomorrow. I hate my class teacher for calling us lazy, and not putting our names on the board so that we'd get the certificates.

When I got home today, I was pretty much drained due to mental stress and excessive shouting. As soon as I got home, the first thing I did was lie down on the nearest couch that I found. I just dropped my bag and my stuff on the floor and I dashed to the nearest couch. Hence falling asleep in just a matter of seconds. I was too exhausted to dream of anything, or get lost in my own reverie. 

About half an hour before buka puasa, I woke up from my short -- but sooooooo rejuvenating -- nap. I went upstairs to take a shower. Since I was feeling dehydrated, I shampooed my hair using that new shampoo of mine -- which reeks of lavender -- and I scrubbed my body with that apricot-fragrant body wash. After I stepped out of the shower, I began to feel slightly rejuvenated. I felt fresh and more energized. By the time I was done putting on my clothes, it was already time for buka puasa.

The first thing I did when I got to the kitchen was, I took a huge glass of water. I deliberately chugged almost three-quarters of the water down. It felt so good. By the time I was halfway through my dinner, I began to feel full due to the amount of water I drank before. But still, I felt a little bit more energized after showering and after dinner.

I think I'm going to Subway with my family after this. Weehoo!

Still, that won't fulfill my satisfaction. Nothing as good as Subway can make me satisfied with everything. I still want that fantasy of mine to become reality.



Tuesday, September 16
9:24 PM

Hey folks, I've decided to change the layout of my blog. I feel it's more...fresh this way. 

Anyway, I'm not feeling any better. Mentally and physically. Well, physically, I'm more tired these days. I've been running on zero energy (due to fasting, but it's okay since it's a harmonious month). But mentally? Oh boy. I think I'm going nuts.

Or maybe I'm not. Maybe this is something that every teenager face. Maybe this feeling will be gone in a matter of time. 

Believe it or not, I'm infatuated. 

Details are strictly private. I am SO not blogging to you people about this infatuation. 

Of course, infatuation is not a bad thing. I mean, it's normal, I guess. It's not like as if you're completely crazy. Oh no. Infatuation is normal. Which means, I shouldn't be worrying about anything. I mean, it's just an obsession. And obsessions are completely normal! And please please PLEASE don't get the wrong idea. I'm only obsessed on one small thing.

Nowadays, I can't stop thinking about Hari Raya Aidilfitri, or the few days after that -- which will be in two weeks. I wonder who's houses we're going to visit, how we're going to look like, and who will visit our house. It's just so exciting -- it doesn't surprise me that my anxiety is becoming greater each day. Here I am, waiting in pure agony for the time to come. Plus, dapat duit weh!

I've discovered something new. Something that should've been discovered a long, long time ago. Something that makes this infatuation even worse. Something that I was so dim-witted enough to not realise this any sooner. That is...I can't be alone.

No. 

I can't be alone. Whenever I'm alone, I'd be lost in my own thoughts. When I'm daydreaming, in my own world, it eventually gets to the part where my anxiety hits the maximum level. Even though I utterly hate school, sometimes it's a nice place to be.

I mean, when the teachers are teaching, I focus on the studies. Not something else. And when I'm with my friends, we talk about stuff. We share each other's stories, we joke around and we laugh. It's just so nice to be with people that you love. When you're alone, you tend to daydream. You dream about your wants and your needs, you dream about your crushes, you dream about practically anything. 

But no doubt there are cons when you're daydreaming. Sometimes, you get to the part where you don't even want to think about it. Sometimes it's eerie, scary, disgusting, repulsive, and/or chilly. Sometimes you daydream about something good, something that makes you feel good, but you don't want to think about it. That's how I feel at the moment. 

Whenever I'm alone, yes I do get lost in my own world. Sometimes I'd make this little fantasy of mine. I'd make my own world, filled with my own people, my own reality. More like my own fantasy. But of course, fantasies are just...imaginations, right? Fantasies are not meant to be in reality. Reality is much, much worse than your fantasies. 

This is the reason why I don't like nightfall. Because when it's already at night, you have to sleep. But when I sleep, that's when I start my own fantasy. And this fantasy of mine is just so good, that it hurts to even think about it. It pains me how much I can't live in that little fantasy of mine. Some things are just not meant for me.

But still.

I don't like to sleep. I try to stay up all night, without even sleeping, just to avoid dreaming this fantasy. Because I know, in the end I'd feel a stab in my heart, because I know that this (logic) fantasy can't turn into reality. I know what you're thinking, fantasies are like those fairies and magic and fairy-dusts and etcetera. But it's not! My fantasy is more like reality. It's more like a sitcom. Except that it's in my head, and I'm the only one who gets to "watch" it. So I guess you can say it is logical. No fairies, no fairy-dust, no wands, no magic. Just...reality.
But unfortunately, I eventually have to shut down. My eyelids would eventually become heavy, hence forcing me to sleep. I don't mind getting eye bags, I don't mind yawning all the way, I don't mind not getting my brain to work properly. As long as I'm free from those fantasies of mine, yeah that's cool.

Just that, well, you can't really stay up and not sleep forever -- unless if you're a vampire in that Twilight Saga, yeah you don't even have to sleep. Sometimes I just wish that my little fantasy, my imagination, my own world, would come to reality. Well, who knows, maybe, just maybe, it will become reality. 

Who knows? *Shrugs*.

Oh what am I crapping about. See? I'm even making up my own fantasy now. And it's so pathetic! 

Maybe, maybe when the right time comes, maybe when I get my satisfaction, this whole fantasy of mine will finally perish. Gone. Disappear. 



Sunday, September 14
9:29 PM

Hmm, I don't know but. . .When I woke up this morning, I felt like something is. . .missing. Like a part of me is missing, gone. Okay, I know what you're thinking. I'm going to sound like a total emo, but I'm not. I feel like as if something sucked out my soul, leaving me empty. I don't know what it is. What is wrong with me?

Today is Sunday, which means it's the last day of the week -- also the last holiday of the week. Which also means that tomorrow is school. I don't want to go back to school. Staying at home makes me feel so serene. I don't want to have to go to school in my uniform, face the unbearable teachers, topping off with the amount of homework. Well, that's one thing. But. . .ugh I just don't want to go to school!

The whole day, I've been lazing around. Physically and mentally. I was so lazy to think, let alone move. Instead, I just slumped myself (lazily) on the couch in the living room and I read a novel. It was so unnatural for me to be lazy like this. What was wrong with me? It was like, like I have no life at all. So dead. So I-don't-care-what-you're-gonna-do-just-don't-get-me-involved. 

I seriously don't want to go to school. I want to laze around like I did this afternoon. Just lie down lazily, and read a book. Or sleep. Or whatever. I don't want to go anywhere. Home is where I want to be. I have reasons to not want to go back to school. Mainly : 

a) I don't want to face Little Miss Meanie who shits the crap out of her.
b) Homework. I don't want homework.
c) The occasional loneliness I face. 
d) The teachers! The insane teachers! 
e) I don't want to get that homesick feeling when I'm at school.

I often get homesick a lot -- well, whenever I'm at some place where any member of my family is not there with me. I just need to be at a place where I know my family -- or one of them -- is with me. School is. . .well. . .school is not the place. It's not a place where I want to be. 

On the contrary, I am looking forward to Raya though. Just two more weeks of fasting, and it's Raya time, when I'll be visiting people, with my family. The anxiety is hyperventilating me. Thinking about it makes me so desperate for the time to come. The whole family will be there. There'll be laughing, and eating (Mama's special rendang that will have you coming back for more), and many more interesting stuff. School will be closed for a while. It's all about enjoying the festive season.

Well. . .not completely. Exams are coming at just the right time. Not. 

October 6th is the date when the school will reopen. To top it all off, it's also the first day of exams! This is so unfair. This is so cruel. I prefer last year. The exams were during the fasting month, before Raya. This year, it's exactly after Raya. How can I be able to enjoy myself when I know that the exams are right after Raya? This sucks. CBN is getting crappier by the day.

I wanna be home-schooled. Mummy, get me a private tutor please.



1:47 PM

Last night, my abang angkat and his wife came along with their children and two guys whom I didn't know -- I think those two guys were to take care of the children -- for buka puasa.

From the afternoon, the kitchen had been a buzz. My housekeeper and my mum were busy cooking and preparing the whole variety of food for buka puasa. And I must say, the smell of the food spreaded around the house. The nasi kerabu and the lompat tikam and etcetera were simply aromatic.

Then it was already 7pm. The food were halfway done -- trust me, there were a lot of things to do for the preparation of the food. I didn't feel comfortable from sweating throughout the hot day yesterday, so I decided to dash upstairs and just take a short shower. I shampooed my hair and I soaped my body. It took me ten minutes. Putting on my clothes were one thing.

I didn't bother that my hair was wet. So I put on my favourite brown Diesel baby-tee and a pair of black linen pants and I went downstairs. The guests already arrived. They were sitting at the porch behind my house. I shook hands with them and after that I helped a bit with the food.

Unfortunately, the food weren't prepared on time but it's okay. As long as the food is there, that's fine. So we ate dinner that my mum and my housekeeper prepared. Nasi kerabu, onde-onde, lompat tikam, grilled fish, fried chicken, laksam and many more. The food were great -- though I didn't eat a lot. My appetite didn't feel like getting food inside my tummy.

After eating, everyone lingered around the house. Mainly, at the TV area, in the front living room, and outside where there was a gazebo that stood in the middle of the fishpond. While the adults were chatting, I entertained little Jazeel.

Of course, each and every typical male just adores cars. Jazeel wasn't any different. He loves cars. He practically worships cars. There's this one time when I was watching Pimp My Ride on MTV. It showed this really cool truck with plasma TVs and yadda yadda yadda which apparently caught Jazeel's attention. And man, did he start hyperventilating at the sight of the truck.

Then I switched to channel 613, since Pimp My Ride had obscene languages -- which apparently are inappropriate for toddlers aged two like Jazeel. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was on. I watched along with Jazeel, since he loves Mickey Mouse. I was sitting on the couch, but he liked to sit. . .on my feet. Ha ha, it was funny.

Then my mum asked me to show Jazeel the collection of cars that my dad puts on display in his "office" at home. His table were displayed with lots of miniature cars aligned neatly. From Volkswagen to Mercedes to BMW to Audi to Bentleys to cars whose names I don't know. There were more than twenty altogether. Jazeel started hyperventilating again. He wanted to see better of the cars, so he had me carry him. And let me tell you, he's already heavy! But I carried him in the end anyway. Or else he'd start to whine.

Last night was great. I really had a great time, from entertaining that little kid to basically everything else. I sort of like it when we have guests at home.

Of course, I would post along the pictures from last night but somehow the pictures were corrupted. I hope Kak Lea can restore it.

I also got to meet my new niece, Jamilah. But of course, we call her Jamie since "Jamilah" is sort of mouthful. But poor Jamie, she was having fever. When I carried her, she was so hot! Okay fine, not hot as in a hundred degrees celcius. But she was pretty warm. Very warm. And she wasn't naughty and hyper like her big bro Jazeel. She's actually pretty calm. And she doesn't mind who holds her.

Well, I enjoyed it. La la la. . .



Saturday, September 13
3:03 PM

I finally did it. I finally did it. I finally found it.

I finally did it!

Lately, I've been listening to a piano piece played by pianist, Yiruma. Instantly, I fell in love with that song. It makes me relax whenever I listen to it. It's like as if this song is cursed or something. You know, listening to it for the first time and instantly falling in love with it. Yeah. 

Well, not just that particular song, all of Yiruma's songs are great! I've been playing the piano for God knows how many years, but I've been playing those pieces from centuries ago. Like Beethoven, and Bach, and etcetera. Sure, the songs were quite nice, but you eventually get bored of it. I mean, hello, they're from centuries ago.

So I listened to the song, over and over again. I tried finding out the chords of the song on the piano at my home. It surprised and overwhelmed me that I found the right chords. So I played the song on my iPod, and I played along the chords. They matched. Perfectly.

Of course, my chords weren't that complexed. If you listen to the song -- played by Yiruma, of course -- it is more complicated to figure out the exact notes. So I tried for nearly an hour googling the music sheet.

And I found it!

I was eager to print it and play it immediately. Without hesitating, I quickly printed it out and I went to the piano to try it. Amazingly, it was the exact same as the real song. It was like as if Yiruma himself posted his music sheet online. 

Okay, I'm losing my mind -- you'll know why soon. Today, I spent most of my time rehearsing the song. I didn't stop. I only stopped when I needed to -- like replying SMSs, and showering. But hey, rehearsing it over and over again really paid off. The song is about three minutes long, and I'm nearly finished with the whole piece. Just need to work on my articulation, my tempo, and etcetera. My fingers are already aching now, especially my pinkies. 

I haven't played the piano for a really long time. So, playing it again today, it made me feel so serene, so mellow. Especially when the song itself is so relaxing. Really, it feels good to play the piano again :)

And...by the way...just a few hours ago I was ransacking my closet for something nice to wear for tonight -- my nephew and my niece are coming! YAY! Those two brats are gonna get it from me, buahahahahahaha! I came across a tube top, and my old cream-coloured skirt from Hush Puppies which reached just above my knees -- that skirt can pass for a mini skirt on me. Just for the fun of it, I put the tube top and the skirt on. 

I went to Kakcik's room, -- next door heheh -- where there's a huge mirror from floor to ceiling that sticked to one of her walls. When I saw myself in the mirror, I chuckled and thought, "Hell no. I'm not a prostitute."

I'm better off with jeans and a baby-tee. I'm a plain Jane, that's what I am. I mean, why be fashionable and uncomfortable when you can be breezy and comfortable just by wearing clothes so simple? I'm all about comfort -- with a sense of fashion. 

Just a few more hours until my niece and my nephew are coming. I wonder how much they've grown.



Thursday, September 11
7:50 PM

The clock struck 5.30pm, the school bell rang. Which means. . .school is over for the day! Yippeekaiyay!

As I walked to the open air grounds of the school with my friends, I felt so free. Freedom was mine. The way the sunlight kissed my skin, the way the clouds rolled by, the way the wind made its whooshing sound, it made me feel so alive. What a beautiful day, I thought. It felt like a brand new day again, except it was already in the evening. I felt happy by the perfect weather, the smile never gone from my face.

As I was in dad's car, on the way home, I was lost in my own thoughts. I thought about what had happened earlier today, what would happen on Saturday, etcetera. Well, that's nothing new. I'm always lost in my own world, regardless of where I may be. And somehow, something made me smile even wider -- of course, metaphorically speaking.

You know usually when you hear rumours about yourself, or when you find out that someone is against you, you feel like hiding under a rock for the rest of your life, or until that person or the rumour dies? Yeah, that thought made me chuckled to myself -- again, metaphorically speaking. What was the reason behind this metaphoric chuckle? The smile? Well, thank reverse-psychology.

For quite a long time, I've been pretty down in the dumps whenever I hear that someone is against me for some pathetic reason. But right now, I've been self-motivated. I've drastically changed from a limp piece of tissue, to a callous solid of hard rock. Unbreakable. That's what I am now.

The funny thing is, people actually think you're crushing down, crumbling into little pieces. Like a compost. But, the facts you're getting are all wrong. It is inevitable to see me roll my eyes at even the slightest lame attempt to bring a person down. No. I'm not weak. I'm strong, stronger than you think I am. Whatever negative words or gestures I hear and see about none other than myself, I keep it out of my head.

I'm trying to be a better person than I was before. Usually, -- especially among girls -- you tend to fight back or respond to what negative things you're getting. And sometimes, well most of the time, you tend to become even worse than the culprit itself. In the end, you'll be the one that people see as the devil, and the culprit will be the one people see as the "angel". So called angel. Hah!

So, by ignoring pathetic and sympathetic words that can easily crush down a person, people will not see you as the mean devil. In fact, they might just think that you're strong, mentally. Plus, it's no use to fight back. It'll end up into a catfight, and you'll be getting hurt. So, might as well ignore it right? The Devil might just be bored trying to ruin your life but to no avail in the end. And of course, they'll decide to ruin another person's life, because they're so sick of trying their tricks on you but you repel them.

Well, not much to say but. . .

Okay, seriously. Whatever your problem is with me, I really don't give a damn. I'm not your friend, you're not my friend. So just butt off. You may not notice this, but you ruining my life is actually good. . .for me. You're actually giving me mental strength, you know. It's like you're giving me all the mental strength you have. Sort of like a bonus to me.

And hey, what is your problem anyway? Oh wait, I know! You're so sick of your tormented and messed up life that you decide to ruin other people's lives. Okay, so your life is ruined, big deal, move on! You're so nauseated by your own sick life, so just get on with it. Go with the flow. Don't make it any harder for everyone else.

Why should you do so?

. . .

People will see you as the devil, attacking other people.

Well, what do I care. Like I said, you're no friend of mine. So, whatever. I have a life and I'm loving it.



Wednesday, September 10
6:47 PM

I can't wait for Saturday. I seriously can't! I'm guessing Saturday will be a super special day for me. I'll be going out with friends to buka puasa together, and I'm gonna see my nephew. . .and my niece! The newborn niece. Yeah. I wonder how much these two brats have grown.

There, I was walking with my friends to the locker. That's when I came across this girl, who was doing what-the-hell-what-do-I-care. She was facing away from me. When I -- unfortunately -- caught sight of her, I idly cringed, grimaced, rolled my eyes, winced, at her. When I passed her, I snarled to myself at her. I'm not sure if she noticed it, but it's better if she does. After all, she digusts me more than I disgust her. Yelgh, filthy.

It's really hard to decipher my hatred towards anyone. At some point, it might be jealousy, but most of the time it's just not. I have my reasons to loathe certain people -- I'm not that mean, stupid!

It was in class, after recess, when I completely started to lose my mind. The hatred is inevitable. You simply can't avoid my hatred towards this. . .this. . .ergh describing her is even worse than hating her. Whatever she's planning to do to soothe this hatred, it will never work. It's inevitable. I'm sure right now, she's plotting a conspiracy against me.

You know, the funny thing is, she thinks I'm falling flat on my face. Crushing into millions of shattered pieces. But actually. . .it's the opposite. I'm not sinking. Hey, sometimes I tend to lose my mind on this, but I get over it quick enough. In fact, if you listen to the song that I'd put here at my blog, I guess you can imply that to me.

After all that you've put me through,
You think I'd despise you,
But in the end, I wanna thank you.
Cuz' you made me damn stronger.

Look who's laughing now.



Tuesday, September 9
8:00 PM

My temper was very, very hard to control today. Tricky, but I managed to not snap at anyone.

It was during Science when I started to sulk. Apparently our teacher happened to be in the next lab -- doors closed, so that we wouldn't know if anyone's in there or not -- listening to what was going on outside.

Each time during Science, we have to go upstairs to the labs. Our lab happens to be Lab 4. So just now, we went upstairs and waited outside the lab. Teacher didn't arrive yet and we couldn't enter the lab without any teacher. So we waited outside. Noisily.

Teacher listened to our noisy chatter outside the lab. But we didn't know she was in the other lab, listening to us. Well, most of the time, I kept quiet. Oh and some other girls too. My class monitor, Sara, and I told the whole class to keep quiet. We shhed and hissed, but to no avail.

Then Teacher finally entered the lab, but not signalling us to enter. So we just waited outside, quietly. It was obvious that she was sulking. And apparently some people just don't know when to keep quiet. At a time like that, and they still don't know to shut the hell up! Again, Sara and I shhed and hissed. After a few minutes, Teacher finally signalled us to enter.

We entered the lab and took our seats. As we sat, Teacher finally told us why she was sulking. She told us that she was lingering in the next lab, listening to our big mouths. And then. . .that's when she stressed on the "Duties of a Class Monitor and the Assistant".

"For the second time eh, ketua dengan penolong tak buat duty. Tak mengambil peranan. If they're noisy, what should you do? Tell them to keep quiet kan?"

WTFFFFFFFF???!!!!!!! That's when my cheery face drastically changed into a sulky expression. I just felt like standing up while slamming the table, march right up to her and declare that we did make an effort fo keep the class quiet. But no, I just sat back and told myself to breathe. . .calmly.

For your information, Sara and I did tell the class (numerous times) to shut up. But, they didn't listen. And the best part is, a few of my classmates glanced at us when Teacher announced the "Duties of a Class Monitor and the Assistant". Ugh, I just felt like slapping their faces.

That was during school. After school, Abah picked me up. No problem with that. So I sat in the the black Ford Escape that Abah always drives, with the air-conditioner in low speed, and the radio blasting -- again, the stupid radio station that is so annoying!

While on the way home, I decided to read Breaking Dawn again. I was eager to find out what happened next. So I read it. . .with the radio blasting in my ears. When I read a really good novel, I need to concentrate on it 100%. Otherwise I can't get the message. Sometimes I even have to read the one sentence twice or maybe more just to get the meaning straight.

So I read my novel -- thankfully without getting car-sick -- while the radio was on. The DJ was so annoying. And it didn't help that the volume was so loud, even louder than my own mind. I couldn't concentrate on the novel, so I had to read the sentences twice. My temper rose as the blasting radio station started to annoy me. I just felt like punching and breaking the radio into pieces.

So I got home, and I took a nice shower. I got out smelling like orchids, and put on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. That's when it was time for buka puasa.



Monday, September 8
6:58 PM

What's wrong with me? Sometimes, I feel like everything in the whole world is wrong, when in truth, it's all so right. Sometimes, my angst takes over. Angst taking control of me, sometimes attacking innocent people (and things).

And I don't feel right. I feel lifeless. And restless. Okay, scratch that lifeless part. That's a little morbid. But hey, I feel really, really tired...all the time. I know what you're thinking; tired from fasting. Haha, don't think I don't know. But no, that's not the reason why I'm so tired. Fasting didn't make me soooo tired. I feel tired like I just got back from a two-hour all cardio exercise.

No matter how long I sleep, or how much I eat, I eventually feel so weary. Right after I wake up, I feel so limp. So heavy, so lazy. I don't smile when a new day arrives -- unless something really really great is going to happen on that day. I love night time. At night, I can rest. I can go to sleep. I can not be tired.

Sometimes, I literally feel annoyed by something so small. It's like I'm bothered by something so massive. But. . .it's just a small thing. For example, I get so annoyed and my angst will start taking control of me whenever loud sounds are booming in my ears -- listening to my favourite songs and my iPod do not count -- especially when I'm so engulfed in my playlist.

I showered as soon as I arrived home today. After showering, I did some brief spring-cleaning in my room. I made my bed, and I arranged my perfumes and deodorants and face-powders and ribbons and rubber bands and hairbands and hairclips and medications neatly on my dresser. After that, I went downstairs to check out what's for buka puasa.

I found a pot of fish curry sitting on the stove. Absentmindedly, I opened the lid that covered the pot and I took a sniff of the curry. Hmm, it smelled good. But not appetizing for me. I've lost my appetite. I only eat when necessary -- for example, when I'm starting to feel faint.

Well, all in all, I just hope my angst and my annoyed-towards-anything attitude will not take over my systems again.

I am falling towards the coast,
Let the waves crash over me.
Let the waves crash over me, therefore washing away all the negative instincts in me.



Sunday, September 7
10:10 PM

Okay, what is up with people treating inanimate objects like human?

Seriously, it annoys the hell out of me. WTF cooing? "My baby!" This? Yes this is absurd. Dim-witted. I mean come on! It's just an object. An object! You talk to the objects, can they talk back to you? Ahaha I think not. Unless they're robots. Intelligent robots. Sheesh!

Well, it's either you're so obsessed with that object, or you're just completely insanely out of your mind. People, don't lose it! It's even worse than a lonely woman talking with her twenty-seven cats. Not to mention more annoying.

Ugh get a grip!



Saturday, September 6
9:11 PM

I was surfing through my old files. And guess what I found! Lots and lots of nostalgic documents! Pictures, mostly. I found pictures that I took last year, which happened to be the best time of the year of my life!

As I compared the pictures from last year and this year, I could see very faint resemblances. Obviously, my hair changed. It used to be short and wavy, just reaching below my shoulders. Now, it's flowing wavily down my chest. It's long, finally! 

Ahh, 2007 was great! 

2007

2008

Yeah. I'm feeling nostalgic (:



1:11 PM

I don't know, I'm starting to like writing in italic. Haha.

I woke up really late today. Around 11.15. Apparently I was scared to death by last night's stories, so maybe I was too exhausted and that's why I overslept. As I was waking up, it was already dark and cloudy outside. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and I went downstairs.

I sat in the living room, reading Breaking Dawn. I finished a chapter, for now. By then it was starting to rain. The windows were open, the cool breeze wafted into the room. And hey, my checkered shorts so didn't help with the cool temperature. So I kept on reading, ignoring the cold as I was too engulfed in the novel.

I don't know why, but I'm starting to smell things. A lot of things. Right now, I could smell a burger from McDonald's. Just a few moments ago, I could smell nasi lemak. And way before that, I could smell the delicious mee kungfu at the Midvalley food court. Maybe I'm just hungry. And now, I'm starting to smell some kind of vegetable boiling. Ugh, the smell is nauseating.

I'm guessing today won't be a special day. Just a rainy day -- and I'm enjoying the rain. As always, I'll finish my time reading my book. There's nothing else that could possibly entertain me at a time like this.

Except. . .


"One of these things just doesn't belong here!"

Haha. Watch that video. I'm sure you'll be throwing back your head, laughing your guts out until you cry. Buahahahahahaha! Enjoy though *wink*

Mind you, I'm posting this post for fun. There's really nothing much to update, I'm just posting this post out of boredom. Ahaha! My hair smells like a cupcake. Yummmm



Friday, September 5
9:38 PM

I've decided to write in italic today.

Things are changing. Time is passing by. The clock is ticking, the days are changing rapidly. Change. That's one thing I don't want to happen to anything good. Anything enjoyable. Anything memorable. I'm completely clueless, confused by my actions.

My friends are telling me to let go, my sister is telling me to don't give a damn. But it's just so hard! So many memorable things have happened, and I don't want to let go of it.

Despite my sulkiness and despair, yeah I think I'm pretty "happy". Oh, I don't know. I'm confused, I'm clueless, I'm lost! Well, what goes around comes around, right? Yeah, just go with the flow. Eventually things will turn out the way it should. Yeah. Good things come to those who wait.

I just got home from Starbucks with Kak Lea and Abg Hafiz. As usual, I ordered a caramel cream Frappucino for myself. Kak Lea ordered a Java Chip and Abg Hafiz ordered a mug of caramel macchiato. We also bought a scrumptios cinnamon roll for us to share.

We talked about lots of stuff. Mostly, the paranormal world, makhluk halus. It scared me to bits. I learned how to fight the fear, how to deal with it. Even though the place was crowded, I became very scared. I was too scared to move, let alone walk to the car. I was too scared to take a sip of my drink. I was merely shaking.

When my phone rang, I jolted in shock. It was funny, though. Haha. We also spotted Jaclyn Victor there. She was wearing a blue kebaya, she looked really pretty. And her body was so petite! Is. Her body is petite.

Well, all in all, today sucked. A lot of things happened in a blink of an eye, and I couldn't believe that I was risking myself. I had no idea that I was in so much trouble if. . . Ugh. . .I never ever want it to happen again. Never.



10:41 AM

Yesterday...

I got to school, just on time for the assembly. Then, for some reason, my mood was crushed. By someone. No. A lot of someones. Well, I can't help it. So I slapped on my I-don't-care-about-anything-else face. In fact, my expression was blank. Dead.

I got to class. Pendidikan Islam. We went to the surau, where the Tadarus Al-Quran was held. No matter how much I wanted to join, I couldn't. I'm having my menstrual cycle, dammit! So I sat back with the others who are currently having their menstrual cycles, listening to the others reading the beautiful words of the Quran.

Agama passed on. Time for Maths. The teacher wasn't present, so we sat in the hall for relief. I sat with my classmate. Well, during Maths, we are all divided into four levels. I was in level two. So each time during Maths, we all have to go to our respective classes.

So I sat in the hall, with my classmate. Turns out she was finishing her folio, so I decided to join her. So we talked a little, and we also finished up our folios. Hers was nearly done, it was just me that had more to do -- luckily I'm almost done with my folio now.

Throughout the whole day, I was crushed. I didn't talk to anyone, unless it was necessary. Before recess, I was really pissed off and mad. But after recess, I was happy, sort of. Two of my (closest) friends sat with me, and so we chatted about regular stuff.

It was Science, the teacher asked us to be quiet. Fine, so we were quiet. My two friends and I were just talking softly, loud enough for each other to hear. Then. . .

Sara, Iman, kamu dua ketua dengan penolong kelas right?
*Speechless*
Sara, kamu ketua kan?
Sara nodded.
Iman, kamu penolong kan?
I nodded. Here comes the membebel-ing part.
Habis tu kenapa kamu dua bising? Orang lain semua senyap -- pfft RIGHT -- tapi awak dua paling bising! Macam mana you nak kawan-kawan you ikut arahan you? Bukan you kena jadi role model kelas ke?

And all that shit. WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING MY WORK WEHHHH! And Sara! She wasn't even talking in her normal voice! She was merely whispering. And hey, we're not the only ones who were "noisy" okay. And yet, this emo teacher points her finger at us. I wasn't even that noisy! I occasionally giggled and chuckled while Sara talked. I WASN'T EVEN MAKING A LOUD SOUND! Sheesh! She thinks we were talking like sirens, loud and deafening. Stupid emo teacher. Go home and cry, like you always do.

Some teachers are just so vulnerable -- yes, stress that word. Well, whatever. As long as I excel in my studies, sure. Like I care what the teachers think. I'm only aiming for excellent grades. That's all.



Wednesday, September 3
10:58 PM

Nothing to update.

My day today sucked -- like hell.
I don't want to go back to school tomorrow.



Monday, September 1
11:11 PM

Okay, so I'm nearly done with my Geografi folio. I just need to print out a couple of pages, and draw two maps. Then there's the binding. . .

All by tomorrow. . .

Nice.

Well, I can resume my folio after sahur. Maybe I won't have to sleep. Argh I don't care if I'll starve to death. As long as my work can be done by tomorrow, that would be super!

First day of puasa, which was today, went on well. It was raining, and cold -- and trust me, cool temperature does not help with your grumbling stomach.

Today was a holiday, thank goodness. I didn't waste my day like any other kid would, so I read a few chapters of Breaking Dawn, and I resumed my Geografi and history folios. My history folio is getting there. I've been progressing -- a lot, compared to the days before, haha -- today.

It surprised me when I could get up so easily for sahur this morning. It felt like I didn't even sleep at all. My eyelids didn't feel heavy at all. It felt like I've been awake for at least an hour. Well, that doesn't matter anyway.

End-of-year exams will be in a month, after Raya. Why oh why can't be during this fasting month? Dapat ah restu sikit en. Sheesh. The school is getting shittier and shittier by the days.

Okay, I am really squandering my time now. I should be studying for my exams, in a month, which I bet it will be so hard if I don't study. Dammit I wish I'm in Standard 2 again! -_-"

Anyway, since I've been so stressed up these days, I watch these videos -- scroll down and you'll see -- whenever I'm down in the dumps. They're hi-hi-hilarious!









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