Iman Nedhiera

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Intensely passionate about photography and other artsy fartsy farts. An avid nature-lover. Highly obsessed with sunny afternoons and evenings, funky-looking clouds, and sunsets. Deeply infatuated with all things old, vintage, and kitschy. Highly sentimental. An enthusiast in baking, photography, and music :)


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Friday, October 31
8:09 PM

10 Reasons Why My Friday Was a Really Good Friday

10. The weather was nice.
9. I got my calculator back! :D
8. I finally got the guitar chords for Misery Business by Paramore. Woot!
7. I played the guitar like there's no tomorrow.
6. Got that Deeparaya feast thingy. Something like a class party.
5. I brought cocktail sausages to the feast, and I was surprised to find it empty by the time I packed my things. Woohoo!
4. My headache was gone by the time I got to school.
3. Food fight. Haha! 
2. Which apparently I wasn't being hit like crazy.

And the number one thing why my Friday was a really good Friday?

1. My friends (and I -- I was just observing) freaking out these two girls from our junior class, 1T. I think those two girls even enjoyed it. Haha :P

Lots of pictures...and I mean a lot of pictures were taken. It was awesome!

I only enjoyed the part when the feast started at about 4pm. We started to unpack our foods and arrange them neatly on our canteen tables. I was pretty mad that the pizza hadn't arrive yet by then. 

Lots of food were prepared. There were Twisties, packs of Chipster, banana and chocolate muffins made by my classmate; Amirah, some chocolate-covered cookies, fruit jelly made by my other classmate; Sucjita, a bucket of KFC chicken (which got me a little sick after a few bites of the chicken), and many more! We also went from class to class to have some of everything. 

I didn't really eat much during the feast. I don't know why, I'm lacking my appetite. My stomach is gradually shrinking (metaphorically, duh)! It's like I can only eat a few bites. So I just ate a tiny fraction of a chicken (which I shared with Kar Mun, and even she couldn't finish the chicken), some of that jelly that Sucjita brought, a muffin and that's it. I drank Vanilla Coke to wash down the food that I ate. Even with the oh-so-little-food that I ate, I felt sort of bloated. And no, it wasn't from the gassy Vanilla Coke. 

So after that, I went to join my friends somewhere outside the tennis court. We just sat there and just chilled. And that's when things started to get messy (and fun). FOOD FIGHT!

Okay, not many students were involved in the food fight. But a fraction of the afternoon-session student population were actually endured in the food fight. A few of my friends joined the food fight as well. More like a drink fight. They didn't really throw food at each other, they just splashed drinks at them. 

Unfortunately, I got hit by Wawin. She had a huge bottle of F&N Strawberry in her hands and she started splashing it to us. Well, just enough until we got hit, anyway. Some of the drink evaporated on my pinafore, leaving stains on my white blouse and my blue pinafore. It's okay, it's just water. Plus, it wasn't that bad, compared to Athirah and Qiela and Lyna. Their clothes were practically pink from white. It was hilarious.

Food fight among friends, over. Now it's time to bully the juniors. Heh heh.

Ever since yesterday, my friends and I just loved to annoy (in a good way) these two juniors from 1T. Well, I was just observing, I didn't really disturb them that much. I don't know, but I think they kinda enjoyed being annoyed. Well, actually they're a little freaked out when we first annoyed them, but I think now they're kinda enjoying it, somehow. I don't know. My guess.

What made me frustrated was that the pizza that we ordered arrived after the feast was over. That was sort of my cue to run across the whole school and then suddenly feeling faint. Why? Well, because I was holding the money for the pizza. I was at the tennis court, laughing and jumping in euphoria, and that's when Piqa came running to me and asked me for the money so that she can pay the pizza-delivery-dude for delivering our pizza. I gave her the money in my pocket and then she sped off to the school's main gate, where the pizza-dude was waiting. I checked my pocket for any leftover money, just in case. Unfortunately, I had another ten bucks in my pocket, which was supposed to be the money for the pizza. 

So from the tennis court, I just ran until I reached Piqa, all the way at the main gate. And sadly, I used the long way. I kept on calling her from behind (while running) but she couldn't hear me. I ran as fast as the wind just to get to her. Then I gave her the extra money and then I went back to the tennis court.

After that I had fun taking pictures with my friends and just laughing my butt off with them. Well, I was already lethargic from the running-from-the-tennis-court-to-the-school's-main-gate, and then I laughed and jumped and ran and walked some more. By the time I got home, I was kinda low on energy. And I'm not even hungry for dinner.

Wow, I guess this is what you get when you're holding on to your religion. You know, like pray and stuff. I'm not actually embarrassed to admit that I'm kinda religious, but not so perfectly. Ever since I started to pray more and more, the mighty Allah brought me happiness, I guess. Well, always believe in God.

Ahaaaaaa all hail happiness!



9:41 AM



I want I want I want I want I want I want! Stupid phone. Why must it be sooooo pretty? I've always wanted a slide-phone for all my life! I want I want I want I want I want!!!



Thursday, October 30
8:19 PM

10 Things What Flour Can Do to You

10. Obviously they make you look white. . .like a ghost.
9. The flour tends to get under your nails.
8. Which apparently gives you the difficulty to remove the flour from your nails.
7. Which requires a lot of water.
6. Flour can make you cough.
5. It can get into your eyes.
4. Which resulting your eyes to be red and puffy (and painful)
3. It will dry very quickly if mixed with water, which makes it even harder for you to remove the substance from your hands.
2. It'll stick to your clothes easily.

And the number one thing (which is a con) what flour can do to you?

1. It makes your face really itchy. And I mean really itchy, even after you scrubbed it off with a cleansing facial wash.


I enjoyed my day today! Heheh. Oh oh, and I got a whopping 73% for my KH. Not really that excellent. Two more marks to an A -_-" But still, I did improve on my KH from my last exam. Woo!

There was this sukaneka thing for the form ones, just like yesterday (except that yesterday's was for form twos only). Well, since we (Piqa, Wawin, Athirah, Yana, Qiela, Lyna, and I) had no lessons, we decided to go and watch the games. We even helped out a little bit with the stuff.

It was one heck of a fun time. The weather was cloudy, but nice.

The games were just the same as yesterday's, just a little bit modified. So all seven of us watched our juniors play the games. And man, they were so much better than us during the hockey part. Haha. We cheered on our former form one class, which used to be 1T.

Well, it was pretty hilarious. Wawin and Lyna made a deal/bet with our juniors from 1T, declaring that if they get to win first or second place in one of the games, they'd get five bucks. Unfortunately they lost. Haha. But still, I can tell that they had fun playing the games.

Tomorrow will be the DeepaRaya feast. I'm bringing cocktail sausages. I seriously can't wait for tomorrow. I'm definitely going to bring my camera for the occasion. I'm sure tomorrow will be such a euphoric moment for all of us.

My day was great, and I can't believe that I'm so happy again :)



Wednesday, October 29
8:09 PM

10 Reasons Why My Day Rocked

10. I got to rent a locker at the form three block for next year.
9. I woke up listening to my favourite song by Paramore.
8. I didn't receive any comments saying that I've gone tan a little. I'm actually kinda...red.
7. Some fun activities were held today.
6. Like for example, sukaneka tingkatan dua.
5. I volunteered to join the sukaneka.
4. I found out that my class won first for the semi-finals in pingpong.
3. I got dough stuck on my face and hands.
2. Which people smeared more dough on my face.

And the number one reason that my day totally rocked?

1. I BEAT ENGLISH!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!!! I found out that I got a whole 89% for English. WOO in your face, CBC! HA! *screaming and jumping in hysteria!*


Mm'hmm, I totally enjoyed my day alright.

I was sort of nervous when I was on the way to school. I don't know why. I mean, me becoming tan a little so wasn't the reason why I felt nervous. In fact, I don't think I'm tan. Just...red. Right now, I look like as if I'm blushing when in truth, I'm not. Haaa I'm so red. Well, that's just how I feel whenever I go to school. A little nervous.

As I got to school, I sat with Sara and a bunch of my other friends at the canteen. We did a little recap of what happened yesterday at Wawin's birthday party. And seriously, they really can't stop mentioning the part where I was standing inside the swimming pool with a blue bucket on my head, saying "We've got cool headgear and you don't!" with that ghetto 'tude. Haha. Well, it's only funny to me. But it was completely hilarious to them! :D

As usual, we went through the reading session and the assembly.

By the time it was the fourth period, I began to feel very sleepy. Too sleepy, in fact. I was reading Tropical Kiss, and suddenly I felt really sleepy. All of a sudden. Like as if I haven't slept for one whole day. With my finger in my book to mark the part where I've been reading, I finally dozed off into a really short nap. After about ten minutes, I woke up with a sudden shock. I checked my watch on my right wrist and it only showed 3.50pm. Which meant that I still had like 15 minutes before recess.

Okay, I was feeling very sleepy during recess. I walked like as if I was high. My eyes were quite red and puffy and I kept on covering my yawns. I don't know what made me so sleepy all of a sudden. It was like as if I just had a couple of big tablespoons full of cough medicine. So in the end, I just ate fish sticks, a slice of banana cake, and a box of iced lemon tea. I was supposed to eat a full meal because I was going to have that sukaneka later, but my appetite said no. I was sleepy and my appetite became sleepy as well.

After recess, it was English time. My teacher came in with a pile of papers in her hands. It was our exam papers. I was so excited but at the same time I was a little nervous. The anxiety was eating me alive!

As soon as my name was called up, I quickly dashed in front of the class to get my paper. They weren't calculated yet, so I had to calculate the full percentage by myself. And I got...89%! WOOHOOOOOOO!!! Hah, that'll show CBC that we can really do her exam papers, HA! I practically wanted to scream and jump in euphoria.

Then it was time for the sukaneka. I felt nervous and I was kinda low on energy, since I only ate a little during recess. Then we went to the field near the form three block of the school for the program.

First of all, we had to play something like hockey. No offense or anything, but I completely despise hockey. Heck, I even suck at it! I mean, I'm not really a sporty type of person, you know, a person who'd play sports. The only sport I actually enjoy playing is tennis, and maybe badminton as well. But hockey? No way -- it's a miracle I can even hold the stick right.

There were three cones placed along on each of the four tracks. One track for one class. One team had eight people on it. There were two rounds, actually. But my class played during the second round, thank God.

We had to push a tennis ball -- I know, tennis ball with a hockey stick? Ha, hilarious! -- across to the other side of the field. And along the tracks, there were cones. We had to drag the ball in a circle around the cone, three times, on all of the three cones. Trust me, by the time you reach the second circle at the second cone, you'd practically get a migrane. Well, that's what I got.

Sara was the first to go and drag the ball to the other side. And alhamdulillah, she was fortuitious alright! She circled the cones so extemporaneously, like as if she had been practicing for a really long time. Not only that, she was so fast! And because of her, we wont first place for the first game. Not that I'm surprised or anything. I mean, Sara is the best hockey player around.

Second of all, a representative from each team had to blow a balloon until it pops. In the balloons were numbers (and flour), but I don't really get why there were numbers in the balloons. Our representative, Piqa, was the first to pop her balloon and she got a number 1 that was placed inside the balloon. Once again, 2T won!

The third game was messy alright. Not to mention tricky! We had to line up at our own tracks. At the end of our tracks, there were chairs. And on the chairs were a plate of flour mixed with some water so that it becomes dough-y. And in the dough were packets of sweets.

We had to run to the chair that held the plate of flour and water with candies in it. We had to use our faces to go through all the flour and water until we found a candy. We were prohibited to use our hands to take out the candy. And trust me, it was sick! And after we got the candy, we had to stand behind the chair and eat it until it's finished. Then only we can run back to our teammates and only then can they go and get the candy.

While it was my turn, I nearly vomited on the spot. Since I was the fourth to go, the water and flour became into a really sticky dough. I had to use my nose to fish out the candy from the plate. But in the process of doing so, some bits of dough went into my mouth and that's when I started to feel sick -- luckily there was no vomit. I spat out the dough and I quickly took the candy with my teeth.

Ah, this is the tricky part. I went and stood behind the chair and I quickly tore open the wrapper off the candy. I did it in a few seconds alright, but the candy got stuck to the wrapper and I didn't open it wide enough for the candy to pop out. I used my teeth to bite the candy and I chewed it vigorously. At the side of the field -- and also at my track -- I could hear my classmates cheering me on. They were all, "GO IMAN!" and "KUNYAH, IMAN! KUNYAAAAHHHHH!" or "CEPAT IMAN!!! CEPAAAAATTTTTT!". I stood behind the chair while chewing on the candy -- just hoping for the candy to disappear quickly into my throat -- and I was wincing. I winced from the awful taste of the sick dough combined with the orange-flavoured candy.

I finally managed to choke down the candy and I ran back to my teammates. I was running quite funnily, since I was already out of energy.

By the time I was finished, my hands were covered in thick dough and my face were covered with flour. Bits of dough got stuck to my lips and the space between my nose and my top lip. Team members from other classes were having fun smearing their leftover dough on other people's faces. It was funny. But I really enjoyed it though.

Then I went to the toilet to wash off the dough from my face and my hands. It's tricky because the dough were very sticky and it got dry really quickly. So it's like washing off some really strong glue off your skin.

By the way, we finished second last for the candy part. Haha.

Then it was time for the fourth game. We had to line up side by side according to our classes. We were each given a straw and a rubber band for each team. We had to pass the rubber band with the straw in our mouths without touching the rubber band with our hands. It was sort of tricky too. We finished in fifth.

Well, all in all, I really had a great time at school today. Tomorrow there will be some more fun activities that are going to be held and I'm soooooo excited! See, this is why I never want to skip school during the last few weeks of school for the year. You get to do all sorts of fun activities and trust me, you don't know what you're going to miss.

Wow, I'm tired.



Tuesday, October 28
9:05 PM

Today was Wawin's Superior Birthday Bash!

And I mean it when I say it's superior.

It's a pool party, actually. There's a swimming pool at her home. Well, I started my day like so...

It was 12.15pm. I was in the shower and Kar Mun already arrived at my house. We planned on going together, since it was too far for her mum to send her all the way from Bukit Jalil to Damansara. After showering, I quickly put on my hotpink Abercrombie and Fitch shirt and my three-quarter jeans. Then I went downstairs, where Kar Mun sat with a book in her hands -- it's inevitable to see her with a book whenever she's waiting for something.

By 1pm, Kak Intan sent us to the Giant supermarket for a while. We searched for a birthday present for the birthday girl. Well, since Wawin already has everything, we bought her a big pack of Daim chocolates. Then we went to Memory Lane to get her a birthday card and to get the chocolates wrapped. We chose a blue card and a red wrapper, since the birthday girl is so fond of blue and red.

Then Kak Intan sent us straight to Wawin's house.

Kar Mun and I were greeted by Wawin's (cool) mum. We went inside the house, past the living room and the dining area, and straight out to the backyard, where the pool was located. Then we changed into our swimming clothes (Kar Mun and I).

After changing, we went to sit at the backyard. Since we weren't wet yet, Piqa and Wawin dragged us to the pool and pushed us in. Well, I didn't complain. It was fun to be pushed in the pool -- no, really! We swam for a few minutes, then we went up to the backyard to have something to eat.

We ate pizza from Domino's. Oh, it was so good! Too bad my appetite said no. I only had a few bites.

Then we went back to the pool to swim. Wawin, Qiela and Athirah made some water balloons while the rest of us were swimming. That's when the attack was going to happen.

No doubt that all of us were hit by the water balloons. And trust me, it wasn't pleasant, actually. It was kinda painful. I was once hit on the head by a water balloon thrown by Wawin (thanks dude, really! Hahaha) which caused my brain to go woozy for a while. It was fun to throw the water balloons and see them burst and splash.

At about 6pm, we were done swimming. We went upstairs to have a quick shower.

After the shower, we played a game of charades. I was the first one to go and it wasn't really easy to play it. My first charade was I had to act like a sheep, and God knows how I did it. It was silly, but fun!

Then we sang Happy Birthday to Wawin. The birthday cake was a really scrumptious (and filling) chocolate banana cake. It was really nice! Heavy, and creamy, but still nice.

After that we resumed the charades.

We took a lot of pictures during the whole day. There are like 400 pictures of us. Haa! As one by one started to go home, we went upstairs to Wawin's (nice) room. We lingered there and just relaxed after a whole day of swimming.

Well, I certainly had fun at Wawin's birthday bash. But I didn't like the part when the chlorine gets into my nose and my mouth. It was painful, actually. But I still had fun anyway. It doesn't matter. It's not like I'm going to die, right? Haha.

I also got a little bit tanned. And no, don't tell me that I'm stupid into thinking that I'm slightly tanned. The shirt that I wore to swim were fitting and I can see the difference between the covered part and the exposed part of my skin. Just a few inches down my arm from my shoulder, I have fair skin. But the rest of my arm? Well, it's a bit tanned. You can see the difference. Buuuutttt it's okay. I'll get fair soon again :)

I'm just glad to share my euphoric moments at Wawin's birthday party with you people. It was fun :)

Thanks Wawin, for a really fun and amazing day at your house. Honestly, it's the best birthday party I've been to, actually. Haha. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!



Monday, October 27
5:20 PM

10 Things I Want For My Birthday


10. A new lightbulb for my lava-lamp :(

9. That PARAMORE! baby-tee.

8. A new game for my PSP.

7. A new pair of jeans.


6. A new cool top. Something that looks like :

or
This is from Old Navy!

5. Some cool stuff for my roooooooooom.



4. Shoes!

Old Navy!

3. My own Apple Mac, haha.




2. Wi-fi in my room, PLEASE!

And the number one thing I really want for my birthday?

1. A new cellphone! In particular, Sony Ericsson W580i in white.

:(


Wow, I can't believe my birthday's in exactly two weeks! Fourteen days to go! It seems like just yesterday I was celebrating my 13th birthday with my friends and my siblings. Ah, good times :')


Well, today is Wawin's birthday...and tomorrow we're going to celebrate. Wee, swimming :)

Anyways...
Happy Birthday Wawin sayang honey-pie baby boo. HAHAHAHAHA



Friday, October 24
8:12 PM

Long story short, I got two certificates in my co-curriculum and I had fun today.

Haha I'm like so lazy to blog about today! All I know is I just had fun during the whole day at school and at home.

You can say I'm pretty much drained right now. Haha. Dah la puasa.

I was fasting today. Haha energy telah banyak digunakan pada hari ini.

Argh penat!



Thursday, October 23
8:42 PM

Friends. Who are they? What do they do? Why do they even exist?

Well, I have the answers.

Without friends, it's inevitable that you'll get lonely. They support you through everything, they help you cheer up, they can even solve your problems at times. Friends are the second most important people in your life. Without them, well, consider yourself a lonely kid.

To me, my friends are like diamonds. Even though they don't show me that they love and care for me in an obvious way, they're still my friends. They have their own ways to prove to me that they love and care for me. It's not just a matter of saying "I love you" and what not, they have their ways. In fact, they might even be shy to admit that they love you. Well, it doesn't matter, as long as you know and they know that they love and care about you. Really.

Friends even confront you. Without friends, there's no way of telling what you're doing right and wrong. Even though you might think that what you're doing is right, others might think that you're doing it wrong. But seriously, you can only take confrontations from your friends. Friends know you better than other people, they know how you act like and what you do. And if they're real friends, they wouldn't prevent themselves from telling you the truth forever. Sure, they might have kept some secrets about each other, but in the end, they'll confess about it no matter what.

Friends don't need to be outrageously rich or astoundingly beautiful, they only need a caring heart and of course, honesty. No one is ever a friend if he/she is just rich and beautiful but his/her attitude is like crap.

Friends even backstab at each other. But maybe they're not satisfied with how you are around people. Maybe they have a reason to do so, to talk behind your back. Sure, they point out your mistakes but they never, never spread out false rumours about you. Friends...no matter what...are still friends, even at rough times.

Most importantly, friends don't condemn each other. When they're not satisfied with you, they won't slap you or bite your head off. No. They'd only tell you nicely what they're not satisfied with you. Sure, there's no doubt that they'd occasionally raise their voices, but they're only doing it for your sake. For your own good.

Confrontations show how much your friends care for you. If your friends don't care about you, they wouldn't confess and confront you. No. They'd only keep it to themselves for the rest of their lives. It may take a while for someone to confess how they feel about you, it might even take months, but in the end they still tell you the truth. That's all that matters. The truth is all that matters.

From what I've experienced, it was painful for them. I've put myself in their shoes, and I tried to imagine what it felt like to be them while I was such a great pain in the butt. Yes, I did feel their pain.

I was a foolish person, I was naive and gullible. I was not a good person, nor am I a good friend to my dear friends. They've helped me a lot and I didn't realise it, until now.

So here's a tribute to my lovely friends; Wawin, Sara, Piqa, Qiela, Lyna, Yana, and Athirah. They told me the truth of how they feel about my slack attitude and they've let everything out. It matters so much to me that they told me the truth. It shows how much they really care for me. Oh, I love you guys! Thanks so much for everything!

And as for Wawin, I'm sorry about what I did. I know I was wrong to believe such things about you. It was all a huge misunderstanding and I promise that I won't believe such things without confronting you first. I'm sorry.

Same goes to all of my friends who've confronted me earlier today. I was wrong, I know. Well, I promise you I won't do the same thing again.

Thank you friends. You've helped me a lot and I'll find a way to repay you for your kindness.

xoxo



Wednesday, October 22
3:14 PM

I was once threatened to bits. It tore me apart.

The threat was just too painful to bear. It was too big for me to deal. I was humiliated in public, all done by you. You've reduced me to tears.

I already know the answer. It's just too obvious. Don't go thinking that I'm an imbecile, always so naive and gullible to everything around me. I'm not. I'm not a lying hypocrite. Nor am I a backstabber.

You've made me cry like as if I've lost half of my life. My cries were definitely loud and clear. My moaning and my groans were too obvious. I cried so bad, so SO bad, until I had no tears left. My eyes felt sore, I felt tired and weak, I was already running on zero percent energy. My eyes hurt, they stung. My nose were runny and my head was throbbing like mad. All thanks to none other than you, Dear Little Liar.

I'm not stupid. You are. If you think you're so smart, look back. Think again. Retrace your steps and give me proof that you are intellectually smart. Well, if you don't have the proof then, consider yourself a stupid moron who calls people names but actually she is speaking for herself! Really, wake up and realise it.
WAKE UP!!!



Tuesday, October 21
5:48 PM

You know what I feel like doing? I feel like running to the park and just...run.

I just want to run from everything, just running like there's no tomorrow. Boundless. I just miss that feeling when you just feel so free, so full of life, so I-don't-care-about-anything-else-in-the-world.

Running. It makes me feel full of freedom. It's like as if the whole world is yours, and there's no one to stop you. When you run so fast, it's like as if time itself has stopped. Time doesn't exist anymore. It's just you and the world and nothing else.

It feels good to run. It feels great to have the wind crashing violently against my skin, with my hair flowing freely in the wind. When I run, I feel like as if I have no legs. Just floating in the air, so breezy. Running not only keeps me fit and healthy, but it does have an effect to my feelings. I just want to run.

I want to run as fast as I can. I want to run faster than a mountain lion, faster than anything else. I want to run the whole world, because the whole world will be mine. I want to be free, I want to escape from the pain and discrimination. Just...run.

But just my luck, running as fast as I can for miles and miles won't help me escape.

Sometimes, walking away from something is just so easy. Bam, you're hit, and the next thing you know, you're already leaving it. But other times, walking away is just so hard. It's like walking away from your own life, leaving half of you behind.

To me, it is hard to walk away from something, especially if it's something really big or important to you. The resolutions are hard to decide, you have many choices and many paths to choose, but it's all too hard for you to decide.

My heart was pumping hard against my chest, my breathing grew shallow, and a lump was forming up in my throat. I felt a tight knot in my stomach, I started to feel light-headed, and I had to swallow the bile that was going up my throat. I was completely flabbergasted at what such people would do. It was just too depressing to see, too painful.

My mind was asking me questions. Who else would've answered it if it wasn't me? That's right, no one. I was completely confused. 100 percent confused, blank. All of the bad memories in primary school, all of my fears are flooding back to me. It's all happening again. This is a life cycle. It won't stop happening for as long as I live.

I wanted to answer those questions, I wanted to find the answers, but I couldn't. It was hard to answer those questions. I don't have the answers, I don't even have a clue! Sometimes I think, everything is falling into place. But there are gaps in between, gaps which I have to fill in by myself.

Questions are tumbling in my head, answers are nowhere to be heard.

I just want my words to be heard, my actions to be seen. I don't want my words to fall on deaf ears and my actions to be blinded by people.

I'm living in a world full of unfathomable things. Some you can solve, some you just can't. Some you can decode, some is just locked safely. It is so hard to be understood, and so hard to understand. It's complicated to understand the people around you when you're being so...baffled.

Well, I'm baffled. Baffled enough until I'm lost in confusion. It's like I don't have a life anymore, like I'm taken over by some demon. Well I'm just physically there, just mentally all over the world. I'm there alright, just lost in my own reverie.



Monday, October 20
9:37 PM

One lie, two lies
More and more of many, many lies
I could make a list
How you put me in so much bliss.

Honesty is the best policy
A phrase used to describe the importance of sincerity
Sincerity, just answer me in a truthful manner
I can't accept anymore blunder
I was once begging you please
Answer all my pleas
I'm living in a world of misery
Why should you live in a world of hide and seek?
Courtesy of Natasha Hudson

Last night, I went to this one funfair in Klang. It was called the Euro Fun Park. This Euro Fun Park was just right beside the biggest Jusco ever.

I felt pretty much embarrassed to go to a funfair, knowing that I'm (already) 14. Well, I'm pretty much more matured (intellectually) than other 14-year-olds. I guess, maybe that's why I felt pretty embarrassed.

But at the same time, my heart was pumping really hard. I was a bit nervous because the last time I went to a funfair was...well...a really long time ago.

As soon as I arrived at the funfair, I was bedazzled! Some funfair-ish music was booming loudly from the speakers, bright lights were everywhere, and many happy faces (and possibly nauseated faces as well) filled the environment. I wasn't really expecting any fun rides or whatever, just mini games and what not. But when I arrived there, my my! There were fun rides!

There were bumper cars, and a horror house, and a mini-rollercoaster, and many more. I went to the funfair with my mum, my dad, Kak Lea, and my housekeeper as well. Then we met Abg Hafiz and his family.

The first ride we rode was the Ferris Wheel. We had to pay three tokens per person to ride the Ferris Wheel, and one token is equal to RM2. The ride was pretty worth it, six bucks for a few rounds, yeah I guess you can call that worth it.

After that, we rode this really super cool ride called the Challenger. Abg Hafiz, his sisters, his mum, along with me, rode the Challenger. And trust me, it was challenging! It's this ride where we all have to sit in a circle (since the seats are in a circle). And then it starts swinging from left to right while the circle spins slowly. After the swinging-from-left-to-right, the ride eventually rocks back and forth drastically and briskly while the circle spins. Well, it's hard to describe the ride but I hope you can imagine how it goes.

I had so much fun on the ride. I screamed and shouted and yelled and wooed while in the air.

Just as soon as I got out off the ride, I immediately felt nauseous -- luckily I didn't eat an hour before the ride -- and dizzy. I was walking idly, not knowing where I was going. The way I walked was like as if I was a drug-addict. Haha.

Then we went to play the mini-games. Well, we didn't win anything, actually. Just a small white teddy-bear with red ribbons. Ha!

After about two hours spending our time at the funfair, it started to rain. It was drizzling lightly first, then it gradually rained heavily. So by then, we had to go home already.

I was a bit disappointed at the funfair because I couldn't ride this one ride where you sit in this swing and it starts to spin like a tornado. Just like this one ride in Genting.

Well, ride or no ride, I still enjoyed myself. Taa!



Saturday, October 18
9:58 AM

I woke up with a frown on my face due to the fact that a) I got a wave of nausea, a.k.a morning sickness, b) headache and c) I just remembered something that I didn't want to remember.

So I just lay in bed and listened to my phone's mp3. I switched on to Paramore, because Paramore is the only band that makes me feel better.

I was so bored, so I decided to Simpsonize myself and my siblings too! Haha it's hilarious!

This is Kak Intan.


This is Barnickle, my brudder.


This is Kak Lea.


This is Kakcik.


And this is me!

Hehehehehehehehehehe.

Oh God, I miss my brudder. I miss him so much that I'm wearing his t-shirt, and it's surprisingly comfortable and breezy. Haha. I can't wait for him to come home. Then he'd scoop me up or prison me in his strong arms and shower me with a dozen kisses. Then I'll be covered up in slobber and I'd growl like a lion. Haha. I was kidding about that lion part though.

I want to go to the funfair that Kak Lea's talking about. I REALLY WANT TO GO TO THE FUNFAIR. I just love to see pretty bright lights in the night, and to ride the Ferris Wheel and be at the top and the whole view is yours, and to play all those mini-games and win prizes. Ooh who doesn't love funfairs? One must be *cuckoo* to hate funfairs. I mean, you don't know what you're missing!

Wahai kanda Siti Arlia, bawalah adinda ke funfair itu. Adinda tidak mahu menunggu lagi. Adinda mahu main game! -_-" (Kak Lea, you should be laughing your pants off reading this)




Friday, October 17
11:26 PM

I just realised that showers can make me feel relaxed (provisionally).

God, I miss my brother. Where is he? I want his quirky and dorky jokes! He's like the best brother in the history of mankind. Really.

Aaaahhhh I miss my brother! He'd usually shower me with a dozen kisses whenever he gets home, or whenever he's about to leave again. Where's that? Not to mention all that slobber he gets on my face. Yelgh. Haha.

I can't wait to say "Welcome home, brudder."

I went to Pavilion with my friends today. I had a great time. As soon as I got home, I took a shower and washed my hair as well.

Then I went downstairs to online. I stopped by at a mirror to check my face (for fun), but all I saw was a pale-looking girl with her hair wrapped in a purple towel, her lips were rosy pink and her skin was as white as a sheet. Not to mention that the clothes she was wearing were all white. That girl was me. The image reflected on the mirror kinda scared me a little bit. I mean, I'm like the only one at home right now, practically.

My stomach spoke for me. It let out a really gross grumbling sound, almost like a growl. I need something to eat, but I really don't have the appetite.

I just hope the nasi goreng ikan bilis pedas that Kak Lea's gonna bring home soon will open up my taste buds. I'm so hungry, yet so full (of gas).

I'm currently obsessed with Paramore. Hehe. Oh oh! I just saw two lizards makin' lurrrvveee on the wall! EWW GROSS.

Oh, and I wonder when on Earth Kak Lea is taking me to the funPair -- don't ask why I typed funPair instead of funFair. This is all Kakcik's fault! Always busy! Now cannot go funPair :( Haha KIDDING lah Makcik!

When are we going to the funfair? I can't wait for the Ferris Wheel and all those games and all those pretty lights at night! Aku menyeru kepadamu supaya membawa aku ke Funfair itu. Hahaaaaa



Thursday, October 16
4:04 PM

Ya Allah. . .bosan nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I've been playing Solitaire since like. . .an hour ago? -_-"



12:21 PM


Last night was total boredom. I've been online since noon until evening. Haha. See how bored I was?

I planned to make cupcakes during the day, but there were not enough supplies. So I just switched on the laptop and played Solitaire and Minesweeper while listening to Paramore and Save Ferris. Oh God -_-"

So after dinner, I went to 7-E with my dad to buy some more supplies.

As soon as I got home, I started making the batter for the cupcakes. Usually, my cupcakes wouldn't have any icing on it, so I planned to make some icing as well.

I started around 9pm, and I finished around 11.45pm. I don't mean to boast, but everyone said my cupcakes taste awesome! Hehe. Of course, I couldn't've done it without the help from Mama. And my cupcakes look like this. . .

IMG_0241.jpg picture by artattacker
Kakcik oh Kakcik -_-"

cuppy10.png picture by artattacker

cuppy4.png picture by artattacker

cuppy6.png picture by artattacker

cuppy7.png picture by artattacker

cuppy8-1.png picture by artattacker

cuppy5.png picture by artattacker

These cupcakes won't last any longer. Haha



Wednesday, October 15
11:47 AM

Ehem ehem...let me clear my throat before I scream. . .

EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRRRR!!!

It was the moment we've all been waiting for, the countdown to freedom. I must admit, I thought the end-of-year exam would be super hard, like outrageously head-bashing hard. But well...it wasn't. Not really, no.

Of course, if I didn't study, I'm sure I couldn't do well in my exams. But I did. I wanted to know how it feels like to be at the top of the class, so I'm aiming for it. And I don't know if I'll ever get in the top three in class -- I ranked at number 7 during the midterm -- but if I won't...well I've tried my best.

I feel satisfied with my exams. I studied well, I've been through all the stress and frustration, but it really paid off. Before this, I didn't really take exams seriously. But well, it's the end-of-year exam, next year I'll be sitting for my PMR exams, so it's compulsory that I do well in my exams.

Now that I've been through all that, all I have to do now is wait for my results. And I'm really hoping to get in the top three, or at least in the top five in my class. Anticipation and anxiety is practically eating me alive!

Well, exams are over. I'm so going to enjoy my euphoric moments.

Syukur Alhamdulillah.



Tuesday, October 14
10:06 AM

Why?

Well......

Because uhm....

Oh I don't know....

Probably cuz' today is THE LAST DAY OF EXAM!!!!!!!

Independence, here I come!!

I'm so going to beat Geo and KH, heh ;D



Monday, October 13
8:16 PM

Honestly, I don't know.

I feel so confused. I'm as baffled as a ball of tangled up strings. My last hope, my only hope...gone. My mind is clouded with reveries, I'm such a daydreamer.

I am falling towards the coast...
Let the waves crash over me...

What I need now, is a really good book to read. Yeah.



Sunday, October 12
2:59 PM

Alleviation is actually an inspiration, to me. I mean, I can assuage my feelings by just...well, by inspirations actually. And not forgetting some important people in my life.

Top 5 Goals at the Moment

5. Clean up bedroom : done.
4. Shop for formal clothes with Kakcik.
3. Get a new pair of wedges.
2. STUDY : halfway done.

And the number one goal at the moment?

1. Be astute by alleviating and toning down my temper : done.

Three done, two to go.



Saturday, October 11
9:30 PM

I have never cried like that for years.

There I was, lying down on my bed. I had my face buried in my pillow and the radio turned on to full volume. The bass from the radio rung in my ears, even when my ears were covered by my pillows.

Kak Lea came into my room, telling me that we were going to dinner. I refused to go. I refused to remove my pillows and meet her gaze. She could only see my body, my head is stuffed inside my pillow. I had my hands clenched into fists, and my voice turned gruff. I don't want to go to dinner. I want to stay at home. I want to be alone.

As Kak Lea left my room, I was alone. . .again. I punched my pillows. For some reason, I started crying like there's no tomorrow. I just wept into the pillow, while I was moaning with my gruff voice. I cried like crazy. I cried until I had no tears left. I cried until I felt a knot in my tummy. After about half an hour, I got up from the bed and I went to my dresser.

I was still in my polo shirt and my paddle-pushers. My hair was all over the place, and my face was practically a giant tomato. My eyes were so red and puffy, it was actually quite hard to see. My nose was like a ripe tomato, all red and shiny. Bits of hair stuck to my tear-blotched face. God, I look like a failure, I thought.

Well, I am a failure.

I guess. . .I guess I've been keeping things inside me for too long. I guess I just needed to let it out, so maybe that's why I was crying like. . .like no words can describe.

To calm myself down, I decided to take a shower. I was still feeling dizzy from crying, so I had to move slowly. I showered with hot water -- which didn't seem that hot to me -- and I shampooed my hair. After that, I went to do my prayers.

After praying, I felt a wee bit better. I went downstairs and everybody was gone, except my housekeeper. So I went to the kitchen to see if there's anything I could snack on. I found a box of leftover fried chicken from KFC. So I took a plate, I took the smallest piece of chicken and I ate it away.

Can this get any worse?

No, it can't.

And I mean it this time.



Friday, October 10
8:48 PM

10 Reasons Why My Math Exam Papers Were Like Crap

10. It was prepared by a teacher I dislike.
9. Trust me, the questions were not really friendly.
8. I was not in the mood for exams.
7. Some questions had crap answers.
6. Some questions are crap.
5. I was having a headache. Yay.
4. Really, what is up with these locus? Why is it even involved in MATH?!
3. I was stressed, due to the headache.
2. I finished both papers like, three or four minutes before the deadline.

And the number one reason why my Math exam papers were like crap?

1. I'd done a lot of scribbling. And I mean a lot! Which means that it took me a few tries to get the right answer. The answers were crap.


10 Reasons Why I Enjoyed Going Home Late After School

10. MATH PAPERS ARE OVERRRRRR!!!!!
9. It's a Fridaaaayyyy!
8. It was raining.
7. The fact that I had to walk to the AIA building, only to find that my sister didn't arrive yet, and then I had to back into the school building. I was wet alright, hehe.
6. I played in the rain. Wee!
5. I'm hoping to get sick, so that I'll get my sexy voice.
4. I spent my time chatting with Sara while waiting for my sister to arrive.
3. It was cold!
2. Somehow it felt wonderful.

And the numero uno reason why I enjoyed going home late after school today?

1. I was soaking wet alright. Head to toe. YEAAHHHH!!!


I'm glad that I finally finished my Math papers. Seriously, they were no fun. I'm officially dead. I just hope someone will bury my corpse at school, so that I can haunt the teacher who made the question papers. Buahahahahahaha!

Paper Two was absolute torture. We weren't allowed to use the calculator, and we don't even have a clue on what the answer's gonna be. Seriously, one hour and fifteen minutes for twenty questions is not enough. I finally finished the paper like. . .five minutes before it was time to pass up the papers? Haha, that hard. Yeah. I even got the first question wrong, for God's sake! Suhr-tue-peed me!

Paper One was actually a little bit easier. Just a wee bit easier. Still hard, but at least it wasn't torture like Paper Two, plus the fact that we could use the calculator. But seriously, you don't really need the calculator. I mean, most of the questions were like strategical questions. i.e., those crap locus and whatever. And the questions were so complicated, most of us ended up banging our heads on our tables. Well, that's what I did.

I practically punctured a hole right through my question papers. While scribbling down the workings, I wrote in full force. I was pressing the paper too hard.

Long story short, my Math papers were total crap. I surveyed other people from other classes, and even they said it was hard. I'm dead, already.

I was glad that the bell rang. It's time to go home already. But, it was raining. A couple of my friends and I played with the puddles, which caused our shoes and our clothes to be wet. I enjoyed it anyway. I mean, hello, hell is over (Mathematics), so let's celebrate!

By the time I got to the AIA building, where my sister usually waits for me, I was already soaking wet. To my frustration, my sister didn't arrive yet. So I had to walk back to the school compound for shelter. It was raining quite heavily and the rain was pouring in my direction. So I ducked my head and walked briskly towards the school compound as the huge blanket of rain hit me.

Well it didn't matter anymore, anyway. I was already soaking wet, from head to toe, so what's the point of avoiding the rain?

I got back to the school compound and I lingered at the Red Hall, where Sara was waiting. So I hanged out with Sara while waiting for my sister.

We talked about stuff. Personal stuffs. Hehe.

After about twenty minutes, my sister finally arrived. Like I said, I was already wet, so it didn't matter anymore if I'd tried to avoid the rain. So I went into the car, all soaking wet, and went home.

Luckily Kak Lea didn't turn on the air-conditioner in the car. If not I would've turned frozen solid.

As soon as I got home, I went straight to hit the showers. My hair was damp, my clothes were all wet, I was freezing cold, and I felt sooooooo uncomfortable. I switched on the heater and I let the hot water run through my body. It was goooooooooood.

I still have exams next week. Aarrrggghhhh!



Wednesday, October 8
8:34 PM

10 Reasons Why I Was Glad During My Agama Paper

10. It was prepared by none other than my favourite Agama teacher (who, apparently, doesn't shout into the microphone when it's already blasting up full volume).
9. I sat waaaaay in front of the class,
right in front of the teacher's desk near the door.
8. I got fresh air for once in a while.
7. The weather was nice.
6. I had assorted coloured-pens with me, bahaha.
5. Again, my head was filled with so many answers, don't know which to choose! Haha.
4. My pen. My feel-good pen.
3. I could actually
think properly.
2. Looks like last night's stress over today paid off.

And the number one reason why I was glad during my Agama paper?

1. I think I can get not less than a B! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!


Okay, I gotta admit, I was pretty nervous since last night. I mean, ever since the fasting month, I changed into a more religious person. And I don't really swear a lot, compared to before, heh *winks*

Last night I stayed up to 1am to study for my Agama paper. I couldn't stay any later because (unfortunately) the information were not getting into my head. I quote, "If you baca-baca but tak masuk kepala, baik you tidur. Then tomorrow morning you wake up early and study. At least your mind will be fresher," - said by Kakcik.

So I did what Kakcik told. I was supposed to wake up at 7am, but I woke up at 8am. Well, it's okay. I had enough time to memorise the facts over again. I even had time to make breakfast, which was scrambled eggs in mozzarella cheese. Wee!

I also had to cope up (and suffer) with a few hits of stomachaches this morning. I think it's because of the Tabasco that I consumed (overly) a few nights ago, or maybe it's just because I ate too much in the nick of time. Either. Finally I went to the loo, and I could berak batu all I want. After that, I felt a whole lot better.

When I was on the way to school this morning, I felt queasy and nervous. I was scared of my Agama paper. I was scared that I won't be able to answer the questions, and eventually FAIL. Well, I've failed the paper a few times before but I don't want to fail again. I mean, hello! It's Agama for God's sake! It's my religion and I shouldn't be failing a subject regarding my religion.

But I told myself to relax. I knew, if I was nervous and kept on thinking of the worst, then the worst will happen. If I just relax, clear my mind, breathe in and out, I'm sure I could do the test. Which of course, I did manage to answer most of the questions easily.

And then after recess, I had my arts paper. Theoretical arts. Honestly, I didn't really care if I failed that paper. Hah, coz' really, do you see arts in PMR? I think not.

It was fun though, during the arts exam. Mr A came in the class and started making jokes and making us laugh (during the paper, but we were all finished anyway). It was hilarious;

10 Things Why It Was Hilarious During My Theoretical Arts Paper

10. Mr A took care of the class.
9. I started doodling on my question paper, haha it was funny!
8. Someone kept making weird funny noises, which caused Mr A to frown in hysteria.
7. Another person made weird funny noises.
6. Mr A kept on smiling to himself, which caused us to giggle uncontrollably.
5. Someone nearly fell off her chair :P
4. We were bored, just waiting for another fourty-five minutes before Mr A collects our papers.
3. I doodle, again.
2. The same girl nearly fell off her chair,
again.

And the number one reason why it was hilarious during my theoretical arts paper?

1. Mr A told us funny stories, wee!


Seriously, I'm gonna miss Mr A next year. He won't be teaching us again. This will be our last year with him. Mr A's very funny, especially when he's in sooooo hysterical. Really, you'd end up laughing at his jokes. Plus, the way he teaches his students -- especially my class -- is so fun and entertaining.

Sigh.

God, I'll be in form three next year.

Busted!



8:30 AM

10 Things That (Are Going To) Make My Life a Living Hell

10. The fact that I often feel like fainting.
9. Low of energy, even though I consume food like a pig.
8. Morning stomachaches, ever heard of that?
7. Headaches!
6. Studies.
5. Okay fine, stress.
4. The fact that I woke up at eight in the morning instead of seven in the morning today (had to study).
3. Sakit perut again!!!!!
2. Unbearable people.


And the number one thing that (are going to) make my life a living hell?

1. EXAMS!

I can't exactly pinpoint which is worse; the fact that I have a lot to study for my exams or the fact that my stomachache is seriously starting to annoy me.

Well, I should be studying for my Agama now. What the hell am I doing?!

*FAAARRRTTTT. Oh well, there goes the scrambled eggs I cooked.



Tuesday, October 7
8:40 PM

Dear readers, I've set up a poll on what you think of my blog. The poll can be found at the right side of my blog. Scroll down a lil' bit, and hey presto, The Poll. Enjoy voting! *Btw you can select multiple answers.


Top 10 Reasons Why I Was Liked It During My English Paper II Exam

10. The environment was cold, I like it.
9. I somehow felt hyper.
8. Somehow I liked the feeling when the cool breeze hits my skin.
7. I was so weird.
6. I like wearing my cozy black Giordano jacket.
5. My writing rocks!
4. I was so filled with a lot of ideas.
3. It nearly exploded my brain when I was thinking of the answers. This is good, because I ended up with super-cool answers! Yawww!
2. The fact that my teacher says "10 minutes more" instead of "10 more minutes", which makes me laugh.

And the number one reason why I liked it during my English Paper II exam?

1. I was soooooooo satisfied with my answers! WOO! *punch the air!


Top 10 Reasons Why I Hated It During My English Paper 1 Exam

10. Okay, the questions were prepared by my look-alike teacher.
9. I had to shade in the answers on the OMR paper, which is like so tiring -- for me.
8. I came across this one part, talking about MAYC. Wadahefff?
7. There was this annoying wacko kid interrupting my thoughts.
6. I couldn't answer some of the questions, shiznit!
5. I was suddenly not in the mood.
4. Headache.
3. I couldn't think properly! Noooooooo!
2. There were a few questions that had a couple of answers, which I couldn't decide.

And the number one reason why I hated it during my English Paper 1 exam?

1. Ms W commented on my fingernails. She was all "Iman, you'd better cut off your nails by tomorrow or I'll take action." Ha, right. Like I'll die, oh I'm scared!


My English papers were easy today. Well, except for Paper One when it came across this thing about MAYC -- again, wadaheff?

The weather was rainy and cloudy today. I like it. It's so cold. It reminded me of the time when I was in Chicago back in 2003. Oh, goooooooooood times *sniffles*

I've been eating like a pig since yesterday. Especially during dinner. Really, I can't go to my kitchen, where it's filled with lots of sweet goodies to be eaten. GRRRR! Perut macam tak pandai kenyang, bodooohhhh!

I should really stop eating. Which I just remembered that my housekeeper is going to fry some karipaps, shiznit. And I have like a cup of tea to drink. Okay okay, STOP SNACKING!!!!

Seriously, is eating like a pig going to happen when you've just hit puberty?

10 Reaons Why I'm So Happy When I Got Home From School

10. Home soo-weeeet home!
9. Boleh study.
8. Home is my sanctuary.
7. I can berak batu all I want at home. BAHAHA!
6. Tidur sedap.
5. Study. . .lama-lama. . .zzzzzzzzz. . .
4. MANDI!
3. Boleh tengok TV.
2. Makan macam tah pape.

And the numero uno reason why I'm so happy when I got home from school?

1. I CAN SEE THE PICTUREEEEE!

Buenos dias, sinors and sinoritas!

Meow.



10:35 AM

Semalam sakit kepala. . .

Today sakit perut. . .

Weh apa kena niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii?

*menangissssss*



Monday, October 6
10:37 AM

Oh my God. My head is pounding like crazy!

It's 10.38am, I just woke up about an hour ago. I feel so dizzy, and my headache is getting worse. Occasionally I'd feel hammers pounding in my head. It's throbbing so, so bad. 

And to top it all off, I'm having my exams today, and tomorrow, and this whole week. Oh God. It's so painful! It feels like as if I just banged my head onto something really hard. I think I'm getting a fever.

Well, must be from that Tabasco I consumed two nights ago. We were having dinner at Le Meridien, and I took like. . .two muzzles and two oysters. And um, the muzzles and oysters had tabasco sauce and lemon. 

My body feels warmer than usual, and my head feels like an anvil just hit it. I tried taking Panadol last night, but it didn't work (apparently). There are so many things bugging in my mind right now. My head is filled with God knows what.

I don't wanna go to school! I don't feel like going to school! I want to stay at home! Stupid headache, stupid let's-bug-Iman's-head things, stupid arghhhh...!

Really, can things get any worse?

Haha, I don't think so.



Sunday, October 5
1:08 PM

TOP 10 THINGS THAT TRIGGER OFF MY ANGRY NERVES
10. You say you're so fat, but in truth you're stick-thin.
9. Your stupid attitude.
8. Loud music that I don't like booming from the speakers.
7. Having people to boss me around.
6. You act like a know-it-all.
5. You want to get attention.
4. Buggers.
3. Having people pestering me around.
2. When you ask for my phone, just to read my inbox. Um, I have my privacy, don't you?

And the number one thing that triggers off my angry nerves?

1. When you force/bug/pester me to do something when I don't want to.

* * *

You pestered, you bugged, you forced,
I denied, I shouted, I rebelled,
You ushered me, you pushed me, you set me off guard,
I wanted to scream, I wanted to go home, I wanted my siblings,
You didn't care,
Instead you pushed me further,
What came over me?
Why did I follow your words?
I was powerless, I was staggering, I was alone,
You had the power of many, you had more force, you had more people
to back you up,
I was alone (with the capital A), I was weak, I couldn't fight back,
Why have you become so heartless?
Can't you see that I'm practically dying to be free from your words?
Why have you become so cruel and so mean?
Why did you have to make so big a deal out of something small?
Why?
You gave me depression, you gave me stress, you poisoned my soul,
I'm screaming set me free, I'm screaming let me go, I'm screaming stop teasing me,
But to no avail.

I can't sleep. I'm having massive headaches. Exams are coming. You're disturbing me from my thoughts. I listen to my iPod at night, with the volume so low, so that I can drift into a deep sleep. It was like my bedtime drug. But it didn't seem to work anymore, ever since a few nights ago.

I wanted to scream. I couldn't sleep. I ended up sleeping at two, possibly three, in the morning. I ended waking up at 11, possibly 12, in the afternoon. I'm so deranged, I'm so angry, I'm so pissed!

When I woke up today, my eyes felt really, really sore. I slept around three in the morning last night. I turned and faced the window, overlooking my neighbour's house and a few trees. I switched to a more relaxing song on the iPod, with the volume so low. I still couldn't sleep. I turned to the left and I see my sister sleeping so peacefully. She must be in Dreamland by that time. I envy her. I wanted to sleep.

But my eyes wouldn't shut. I began to get peeved. All of a sudden, bad memories came flooding back to my mind. What the hell? Why all of a sudden? I want to sleep! Don't bother me!

But I was powerless. I'm nothing more than a powerless human being. I was forced to watch bad memories looping in my head. I tried to push it away, but to no avail. I frowned, I winced, I was desolated. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream. To see those happy smiles on their faces, I felt happy. But I felt desolated. I was the one who was in despair.

They act like as if it's a joke. But to me it's different. It's more than a joke. Heck, it's not even a joke. It was hurtful. I was obsolete. I was hurt. Indeed I was. My pleas meant nothing to them.
My pleas were just. . .words. But it wasn't just words for me. My pleas actually meant "Stop teasing me!" I felt like a slave.

It was a mistake. The first step was a stupid mistake.

Erase!

I wish my life is like an editable manuscript. Whenever things go wrong, I can just erase that part. Hmm, something like a time-machine, I s'pose.
Please, stop talking.



Friday, October 3
10:51 PM

Why do people have to be so damn annoying and irritating?

Seriously, do you people even know what annoying and irritating mean? Well here's a newsflash for you, dumb brains. Get a dictionary, look it up.

I don't know why on earth people are so stupid nowadays. Seriously, where have all your logic mental gone to? Where's that rational brain of yours? Where's your commonsense?

Goodness gracious! What on earth. . .?!

Well, it's either you be annoying and stupendously irritating to me and get snapped at like a sharp blow from a slap; or you shut up, keep quiet, and not get snapped at like a sharp blow from a slap.

Fun is fun, but there are limits, you know.

Get that rusty brain of yours working again. Give it some oil, surely it'll help to ease the gears. Sheesh.



Thursday, October 2
10:42 PM

It was the first of October 2008. Also known as, 1 Syawal 1429

It was such a joyful and colourful day. I woke up feeling excited to put on my blood red baju kurung, with white little patterns printed on the fabric. My baju raya was nothing fancy. My family and I -- mainly my sisters and I -- are not those type of people who'd wear organzas and kebaya nonyas for Raya. We go for the traditional, simple baju kurung. Simplicity is what we call, the best for us.

So I took a shower right after I woke up. I was in the mood to dazzle everyone, so I decided to use that Palmolive White Clay body wash. Well, the smell lingers on your skin for a really long time. And so strong too. Plus, I like to smell good. And smelling good makes me feel good about myself. Heh.

Then I went downstairs, helped with the dining table, and then that's when we started to Raya. My siblings and I begged for forgiveness from our parents. After a few minutes, we went to the dining table to eat.

The dining table was spectacular. It was covered with a lacy tablecloth, topped with a table-runner. Also, there were eight green dining mats placed at each chair. There are eight chairs altogether. 

The table was lined up with lots of scrumptious-delicious looking food. As usual, Raya is nothing without my mum's famous chicken rendang, ketupat, and lemang. Plus many other dishes.

As for the cutlery and the dining plates and the teacups and the glasses? Well, the glasses are just normal crystal-looking glasses. The teacups and the dining plates were shipped from London, and they're really expensive. We only use the London plates for the family during special occasions. The main colour is white, embroidered with hotpink and orange flowers at the edges. It's very tempting to look at.

After the brunch of ketupats and lemangs and rendang, it's present time. Well, this is not really a tradition that our family have, but well it's something new. Kak Lea gave each of us a frame of our own pictures. Not just any picture, artistic pictures. And they're all in black&white, or maybe a little sepia-ish. They're really pretty. 

We also showed our parents a little video made by Kak Lea (and I) -- well I helped with scanning the pictures! It was a video of pictures of my siblings and I when we were small. More like a timeline. It's a slideshow, actually. The slideshow was accompanied by the song Sempurna by Andra and the Backbone. It was a really sweet video.

The video was for my parents' 29th anniversary. We were one month late, but it's okay. The first day of Raya was extra special. And to top it all off, my parents got a really tempting blue-and-brown-themed duvet set from Friven for their bed -- chosen by; Barnickle, Kak Lea, and I. They were really surprised when the got the duvet set. Complete with four pillowcases and an embroidered bedsheet. 

After that, guests started coming. A lot of guests came, actually. But, I was in the study room with Kakcik. And guess what we were doing all day long? Online-shopping. That's right, shopping online. I found out about it just yesterday, and trust me, it's really addictive. Once you start, you can never stop. Plus, we even got ourselves a little something from Little Black Book! It's really cool! I hope they'll get shipped as soon as possible though. I can't wait to see my super cool baby-tee! 

Unfortunately, I didn't get much duit raya. I got only like, ten bucks from yesterday? Ha ha, but it's okay. I'm not asking for any money, though. But still...it's nice to...

Anyway, forget it. I had a great time on my first day of Raya. It was a really special day. It was special. 

Now...I just can't wait for the open house...



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