iman nedhiera

Iman Nedhiera

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Intensely passionate about photography and other artsy fartsy farts. An avid nature-lover. Highly obsessed with sunny afternoons and evenings, funky-looking clouds, and sunsets. Deeply infatuated with all things old, vintage, and kitschy. Highly sentimental. An enthusiast in baking, photography, and music :)

HTTP://WWW.FLICKR.COM/IMAN_NEDHIERA

Sunday, October 31

8:25 PM

Sigh. You know what, I'm sick of your attitude.

You can't really blame us, you know. I mean, we were there when you needed a friend. We were very benevolent to you, you know. You turned to us when you felt lonely and we were kind enough to give you the company you needed. We treated you just like how we would treat a best friend and you took advantage of it. And we regret it.

Now? Things have gone your way, and you act like as if we are nothing to you. Like as if we've never even been friends before. Well I guess that's how most people are nowadays. They only come to you when they need a friend, and when their lives gradually start to get better, they ignore you and pretend like as if they've never even talked to you. It's a trend nowadays, right?

Anyway,

I guess that's what "friends" are. They're never your "true friends". If you ask me, friends and true friends are two completely different worlds. You can have soooo many friends, but at the end of the day you can only count with your fingers how many true friends you have. In my case? I have a lot of friends. But I only have a handful of true friends -- you know who you are! -- because they're always there when I need to be cheered up and honestly right, they've been influencing me with good things.

Okay, let's move over from the jiwang part. Haha. Long story short, please don't condemn us for treating you such a way. We're not the kind who would go to great lengths to save our friendship with anybody, but I know that we would save our own friendship with each other. Anyhoo, we're not really at fault here. We were very kind and benevolent towards you and you took advantage of it. Now that your life has fallen in line again, you're treating us like we're nothing to you. So think about what you've done before you start hating us, kay?

Good day, miss.

Oh, and I'm just about done reading my blog posts in my May 2008 blog archive. And you know what? I feel like slapping my 14-year-old self for overusing the word "f***ing". It sounds so rude. And offensive. And low-class.

Anyway. Yeah. Bye.

Friday, October 29

9:44 PM

It's true.

Thursday, October 28

11:56 PM

HAHAHAHA I remember when I used to watch That's So Raven back when I was still in primary school. Honestly, it's like the best TV show I've ever watched on Disney! It's even better than all that Wizards of Waverly Place crap. Haha.

But this part is seriously, seriously funny beyond words! I laughed so hard that I had tears streaming down from my eyes and I had to gasp for air! Hahahaha.

Yay That's So Raven! Best. TV. Show. EVER!!

Wednesday, October 27

4:58 PM

I am very pissed off. I'm hurt to think that my own flesh and blood won't even trust me to be independent enough to fend for myself.

Do I even look like the type of person who would go out at night and go clubbing? Do I look like the type who'd surround myself with BOYS and let them have their hands all over me? Heck, do I even DRESS like as if I can't afford to buy enough fabric to cover myself? NOO! Please la, I'm not cheap!

Come on la, I come from a remote area. I've been brought up to dress decently and make sure I behave myself all the time. I'm not mixing with the wrong crowd, I try not to draw attention to myself when I'm out in public, and I definitely do not go to places with a great population of kidnappers and all that shit.

I'm just so pissed right now.

I just need to de-stress myself and spend some quality time with my friends. It's not like as if we get to spend the whole day together in school, even though we see each other literally every weekday. But still. I've been very stressed due to exams and now I'm even more stressed due to the rushed work I have with the school magazine. All I want to do is spend some quality time with my friends and go watch a movie or go window shopping or whatever lah. I just need to spend my time with them AND ONLY them and nowadays it's impossible to do so since we're pretty much busy with our own stuff. My GOD it's not like as if we're going out for clubbing!! We're very antisocial!

Heh, I bet I'm not even allowed to have a boyfriend till I'm 40.

I'M NOT A KID. So please get over the fact that I'm no longer a kid and I'm already a teenager and I'm still growing up. It's only a natural process, so you can't really blame me for growing up, can you?

Tuesday, October 26

7:16 PM

I had a really bad morning today. My classmates and I have gotten back our exam papers for three subjects; Physics, Biology, and Pendidikan Islam.

My Physics marks were seriously disappointing. I got low marks simply because I didn't follow the correct technique or the correct format when answering the questions. Bullshit. There was this one question that really pissed me off. We had to measure the diameter of a few similar balls using the 'ruler' provided in the paper. The measurement I got was correct.

And yet, I got a zero for that question.

The answer I put was 3cm. The correct answer was 3.0cm. DOES IT EVEN MATTER? I didn't get that question correct simply because I forgot to put the .0 behind the 3. TAK KE RASA BENGANG?

And, okay la, I managed to get an A- for my Biology paper. I guess I kinda deserve it for not preparing myself waaay earlier.

It's my Pendidikan Islam paper that I was really angry at. I can't really blame my ustazah, coz she's only doing her job in nourishing our minds with knowledge concerning our religion. I was really, really pissed off when my answers were obviously correct but it's just that I didn't follow the correct techniques. I mean, what the hell man? I could've gotten more than what I got. I thought the reason why we learn Pendidikan Islam to enrich and nourish our minds with our religion, not to memorize facts. It's ridiculous, seriously. I just don't get this whole "follow the format" shit. Ha, kan dah keluar benda tak senonoh.

Maybe it's true when they say that our education system is too exam-oriented. I mean, they give us techniques and formats to follow, but for what? To teach us to be accurate in life? Well hello, there are other ways for us to become highly accurate when carrying out tasks in life. And seriously, they say the teachers and students of Malaysia are stressed because of these stupid exams? Well have they even been in our shoes? Our exam system is all based on one thing and one thing only. Memorizing. No wonder everyone is so stressed up. We have to memorize every single fact and write them down on pieces of paper, also known as your crap exam sheet, instead of applying every single thing that you know and understand.

Reality check, WE ARE NOT COMPUTERS. WE DO NOT SAVE EVERY SINGLE THING WE COME ACROSS INTO OUR BRAINS.

Well, yes, maybe we do have to memorize a few certain things but not everything in the textbooks! What's the point of asking us to memorize every single word in every single page of every single textbook? It's ridiculous. You memorize, but then realize that you don't get a single shit out of it. So tell me, WHAT'S THE POINT IN ALL THAT? Making you look stupid, that's for sure. Education means nothing to me if all I have to do is memorize all the facts in our non-interactive, non-student-friendly textbooks, and simply write them down during our exams. Where's the intelligence in all that? Where's the intellectuality? When you memorize everything and go by the book, is your brain rich in facts? Well, yes. But do you improve your mentality? Do you improve your skill of understanding? Do you improve your thinking skill as well as how quick your mind is? Well, to me, NO!!

I thought the whole point of education is to improve our thinking skills and to improve our understandings in life. Heh, I guess I'm wrong. The whole point of education in this sad country is to test your memorizing skills, where you have to memorize E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G in order to get good marks for your exams. It's just not fair! And then they dump us with more formats and techniques which mean nothing when you ponder about it, and if it just so happens that your answers are all correct and logical and they make sense but you didn't follow the correct format, then you'd get everything wrong. THAT. IS. NOT. FAIR!

I have to say, the education system here is a pity. They say we're too stressed out lah, this lah that lah. Bullshit. And as a consequence they want to abolish UPSR and PMR. God, that is a really stupid mistake. Okay la, let's put it this way, they say the students are stressed, right? So if you abolish UPSR and PMR, the important exams that every student has to take in their pre-teen and teenage lives in order to get to a higher level of education, then what's going to happen during SPM? They will have no experience whatsoever in sitting for a really important exam, they will get even more stressed up, and during the years before SPM is served to them on a silver platter, they will slack off simply because they know they won't have a really crucial exam that year. Heh, not only that, they will also lack understanding skills and their mentalities won't be as developed as ours, and also the generations before us, simply because they are SLACKING OFF.

Gosh, I can be a debater for this. But anyhoo, I really think they should reconsider our education system here. I mean, come on, the education system here basically revolves around testing your memorizing skills! No wonder other countries are laughing at us.

Don't you think so?

Me thinks so.

Monday, October 25

9:19 PM

Wait a minute...

PROTEIN HAS A HIGHER ENERGY VALUE THAN FATS AND CARBOHYDRATES.
Source : Final Exams Biology Paper, Form 4.

HAAAHHH?! What the...?

Ajaran sesat weh.

5:25 PM

Soooo I don't know what surprised me more today...the fact that I got the highest marks in class for our English paper or the fact that I got superbly high marks when one of my essays was like crap. Haha.

I'm just so glad that I got the highest marks among all thirty-two students in my class for English. I seriously didn't think that I could even get away with an A- for English, let alone an A! Well, yeah, it sucks that I was 1% short in getting an A+ for English, but I'm satisfied and quite surprised nonetheless.

But still...two more marks before calculating the percentage and I could've gotten an A+! Aaarrrgghh but you know what? It's alright. 89% is the highest mark I've gotten so far this year and I'm very proud of it :)

After finding out that I only needed two more marks before calculating the percentage for my English paper, I was deciding whether or not to go and discuss with my teacher about those two marks. But then again, I thought, if this is SPM, then I can't really go and beg for a few more marks, can I? So in the end I just let it be and told myself over and over again to be thankful with what I've got. It's not really fair to complain about it anyway because then it'd be offensive and hurtful to other people.

So, yeah, Alhamdulillah for getting the highest marks for English :)

So far I've only gotten the marks for three subjects for our final exam. I was surprised that I managed to get an A- for Maths, which kinda sucks because I made a few careless mistakes. The A I was hoping for Addmaths went down the drain. Instead, I got a B for my Addmaths, which sucks even more because that's one of the subjects I can depend on for all the A's in my report card. Not only did I make a lot of careless mistakes for my Addmaths paper, I also left out a few questions because I ran out of time and when I was sitting for the paper, I was literally shaking from anxiety. Seriously, when it comes to Addmaths, I get very nervous and anxious when I sit for the paper.

But anyhoo, I was not so bummed for getting a B for Addmaths, even though I know I could've done better. But oh well.

I'm anxious about my Physics paper, though. It was kinda easy, kinda, but I don't know what my results are going to be like. I'm really hoping I won't get lower than a B, because this time I'm hoping that my report card will be filled with A's and B's only. Hehe. InsyaAllah.

I'm so glad that exams are over. I can finally take my stress level down a notch and and enjoy the freedom before it ends.

Yes. I shall do just that.

Sunday, October 24

1:37 PM

I've been thinking. Since I need a laptop to be able to carry on with my part-time job as a graphic designer and also as one of the committee members in the Editorial Board of my school, I need my own laptop. All this while, I've been using my father's laptop and the laptop is actually loaned by UM, where my dad works. Well at some point, this laptop has got to go back to its owner. UM. Since I don't know when that's gonna happen, I can't be assured that I can complete my work without any interruptions. It might not happen now, but it might in the future.

Anyway, I think that if I really set my mind to this and start being money savvy and save as much money as I can, I may just be able to suffice for a RM1200 laptop in about six months. I need my own laptop for my graphic-designing purposes. A small one would do, so that I can carry it along, as long as I can do my work and get it done.

Hmm. I wonder how I'm going to save that much money in six months. I earn a couple of hundreds a month from my part-time job, so that'll get me six months to earn RM1200, provided that I don't splurge on unnecessary things. Just last week I was thinking of getting a new pair of Converse, but in the end I went against it because I already have a very pretty pair of Converse! Hehe. And recently I've been thinking of saving money for a BlackBerry, but then again I already have a fully functional phone. So, yeah.

And plus, who knows, maybe I can ask for some sponsors from my parents and my siblings by making a deal with them? I'm still thinking about that compromise though. Haha.

I'm really seriously serious about this. I need my own laptop. I need to be assured that no one's gonna take the laptop away while I'm halfway done doing my work.

Yeah. This new seed that I planted in my brain shall grow into a tree. Damn, I'm not really good at idioms. Haha.

Maybe I should have a box or something that is specifically for the money I'm saving for a new laptop.

Yeah.

Wednesday, October 20

6:46 PM

I miss my brother. And my sister. I miss them both =(

I can't wait for my siblings to come home simultaneously so that the house will be filled with eight people again! And then we'd go out for dinner, since everybody's home.

It's been a while since my brother and sister have come home at the same time. I kinda feel lonely here at home now that everybody's busy with work. I mean, the only person I can annoy here is Kakcik, and even that I have to wait until she gets home from work at night -_- And by that time she'd be too tired to bother me and I'd be too zombie-like to be an annoyance. So basically I'm pretty much bored during the afternoons and evenings. This boredom and loneliness is eating me aliiiive and it's making me feel so depressed!

This house feels so lonely without their presence. How I wish we could turn back time and relive the moments again =')

How I wish.

Tuesday, October 19

11:46 PM

I went to Paramore's concert today! Hehe.

It was...OK. I mean, I really loved the band's performance and Hayley Williams was so, so energetic throughout the whole one-and-a-half-hour show. I'm really impressed! Even though we, as in me and my brother and my sister, paid for the cheapest tickets, we still had fun. We had quite a nice view, nobody blocked our sight, we weren't squished together by other sweaty people like being in a can of sardines and it wasn't so hot.

But, yeaahh there was just something inside of me that's starting to fall out of love with this band. It's not that their music is not good, in fact their music is frikkin' awesome! It's just that now everyone knows about them and they're starting to get overrated. I found out about Paramore in late 2007 from my brother and back then nobody knew who Paramore was. I mean, seriously, the textbook definition of a Paramore fan would have to be someone who's been listening to every single song from the band in all of their albums. Trust me, I've heard all their songs, from all three albums, and they're all in my iPod. And I know where they're from, their history, how they came up with the name 'Paramore' and etcetera. I'm the real thing here.

Anyway it was great seeing them live. I've been a huge fan of them since I was 13! But unfortunately the sound system sucked. We couldn't even hear the singer's voice clearly. And at one point during one of their acoustics, there was problem with the sound panels and so the singer's microphone and one of the guitarists' guitar couldn't be heard. Halfway through the song, the sound panel malfunctioned and they didn't get to end their song. Sheesh.

Oh oh, and there was this dude who was so desperate to get close to the band during their performance that he even went over the barricades and nearly climbed on to the stage when a couple of guards ran to him and nearly pulled off his pants in an effort to stop him from getting onto the stage. Haha. It was hilarious. The dude eventually fell to the ground and he was escorted away from the stage. God, some people -_-

I had a nice night and right now I just want to go to sleep. Unfortunately I still have to go to school tomorrow, by hook or by crook, and I'm really not in the mood to show up in school and go through the lessons as usual, now that our exams are over. But I still have to go, anyway, because after school us prefects have a rehearsal for Everybody's Day next week. I'm only looking forward to that part
-_-

I love you Paramore! Such a great band =')

Monday, October 18

7:06 PM

Kakcik nak cari Maggi, alamak!
Zinc is fed up with SomethiNg.
Bapoks hate cuties. Agh!

Do the Fun SOng!
NO Climbing.
Baru I... OH!

See, when you wanna ace your exams, you make up silly things -_-

Saturday, October 16

12:06 PM

I miss my old hair. I really do.

I miss my long, wavy, sometimes frizzy, tangled, hard-to-manage, voluminous, rough, never-brushed hair.

Eh, the never-brushed part? Haha, yeah I never brush my hair. Ever. Coz then it'll end up flat -_-

I really miss my old, untreated hair. Back in early March I went to get my hair relaxed because at that point I felt sick and tired of trying to manage my rebellious hair. I was also, apparently, in my own world when I said I wanted to relax my hair, which means that I wasn't really realizing what I was saying.

So then the treatment ended, and my hair was flat. It was as flat as the flattest plank of wood you can ever find. It looked like as if it stuck to my scalp and I thought it was so, so hideous. When I moved my head I could feel the almost-synthetic-feel hair stick to my scalp. I hated it. And on that night, we had a family dinner at KLCC to celebrate my brother's birthday. Great.

I was told not to wash my hair for 48 hours but...well, the next day, I washed my hair. Haha. I thought it was gonna end up frizzy and all, but it didn't. It just appeared less flat and there was more volume to my hair. It was slightly wavy, too. Slightly.

You know what? It's kind of funny that you can't really see the regrowth of my natural wavy hair on my fake slightly straight hair. I don't know why, but it's probably from the frequent washing and shampooing and I guess the chemicals from the shampoo just break it all off. But anyway, I can't wait for my natural hair to grow back. Well, it has grown back, but I want to wait until it falls just below my shoulders so I can chop off the fake, treated part.

But despite all that, there are some advantages, though. Since my hair is now more voluminous and more um, naturally defined, I don't have to twist my hair up into a bun just like I had to before I had the treatment. And it looks natural, which is a BIG plus, and it's also easier to manage.

But.

I really miss my natural hair.

So, yeah, mental note to self, never ever go for hair-relaxing again.

Friday, October 15

8:16 PM

Ash Me
And then you found out you got 7A's and 1B!
Haha yeah. Eh how many A's did you get for PMR eh?
*Frowns* I'm in 4U.
OH RIGHT! Straight A's. I knew that -_-

Ahah, doiiii, bimbo moment -_-

Wednesday, October 13

2:57 PM

Please lah, have some dignity, kay?

You don't know me that much, I don't even know you, so please don't pretend like as if you've known me a long time, kay?

K, bye.

Monday, October 11

8:44 PM

I wanna kill myself.

Why?

Coz I can't seem to concentrate on Sejarah! My God, the textbook and the reference books just make the subject even more boring than it is. I mean, personally, I don't give a cent about what has happened in the past. I just don't buy the "history will repeat itself" and the "love your country by knowing the history" crap. Bullshit la.

UUGGHHH if nak letak Sejarah as a compulsory subject pun at least make it sound more interesting lah. The textbook is so not student-friendly, the pictures given in the textbook are meaningless, the layout of every page is just so...boring. The font is just right, but the gap between every line is just too small, hence making it impossible for me, or any student for that matter, to be deeply engrossed in such an interesting topic with an unfortunately boring way of telling the whole story.

I hate the Sejarah textbook. Don't tell me to buy a reference book, because all reference books are the same. They just make the subject so boring and uninteresting. These people who are associated with the official textbooks and reference books really need a bunch of more creative writers. And maybe more creative designers, too, to design every page so that they're student-friendly.

Sheesh.

I just can't concentrate on Sejarah right now. Nothing is sticking to the walls of my brain and if all else fails, then I'll just rely on God and a bit of luck to help me.

Sunday, October 10

6:38 PM

I just thought of this friend of mine, she once got laughed at for doing something quite, um...abnormally, if you know what I mean. As I watched them laughing at her and making fun of her behind her back -- I bet she knows about it -- I tried my best to look away and not get involved.

See, here's the thing. Just because you can do something so perfectly doesn't mean that everyone else can. You can't laugh at people's abnormalities and imperfections. Don't ask me why...you just can't. To me, it's alright if you want to make fun of people's imperfections when they're not in the same room as you, when they're out of earshot, where they can't hear you. I mean, to make fun and laugh at people's imperfections right in front of their faces, technically, where they can hear you and know that you're talking about them, well, that's just plain rude and mean. It's a form of bullying, and it's just sad that most people nowadays just don't see it.

I'm a very soft-hearted person, and when I see people laughing at other people's abnormalities and imperfections just for the fun of it and just because they know they're better than everyone else, I try not to be so ignorant. Sometimes I'd say, "You guys are just plain mean," or something like that, but of course those words usually fall on deaf ears. Sometimes I just hope that they get the message when I say something like that.

It's not really a pleasant thing to hear people laughing at other people's abnormalities, insecurities, imperfections...blah dee blah blah. To me lah. I don't know about you.

Don't you ever think that if you make fun of someone's imperfections, other people might just be laughing at you? I mean, come on, what goes around comes around. Haven't you ever heard of that?

I know I'm being so lame right now, but is it such a bad thing that at least I have a heart for other people's feelings? That at least I care about how others are feeling? Is that so wrong?

Sigh. It's so sad that everyone's getting meaner and meaner nowadays.

Friday, October 8

6:50 PM

Well, we had our English papers today.

And man, did I f*** up Paper II.

Paper I was alright, it was pretty easy. I just love doing objective and comprehension exercises because they're so easy and the answers are given in the question! But of course, you gotta know how to look for them. So, yeah, Paper I was quite alright. On the last section of Paper I, we had to write an essay on the main themes of the drama that we learn in Form 4, Gulp and Gasp. Honestly, I didn't know what was gonna come out, and just this morning I quickly went through my notes and unfortunately, I skipped on the themes. Great.

And that is exactly why I blindly wrote my essay for the last part. I answered the question pretty well, I suppose, and to me the themes were pretty relevant, but I don't know if I can get good marks for it. After all, they did say answer in your own words.

Paper II was when I started to mess things up. For Section A of Paper II, we had to write an article on the benefits of reading the newspaper. It was directed writing so the points were given and we had to elaborate on each point and add in two more points. Great. There were six given points in total and we had to elaborate each one. It was very tiring and I really had to brainstorm because a few of the points given were related to each other so it was quite hard. Not only that, after about fifteen minutes -- and a quarter way done with my article -- I had to scrap whatever I was writing and start on a new one because I thought that the article I was writing were all bullshit. I was crapping all along and when I read back my first try in writing that article, I thought that I must've been drunk when I wrote it. But I was really brainstorming and I tried not to make any mistakes when I constructed the article again. I had to write really fast because I was running out of time.

For the second part, it was continuous writing, meaning that we had to choose from the five given topics and write on that. I just had to choose topic #4, creating a story about some weird old lady. I really messed up that one. I had a really good story in my mind but time was really running out so I was writing as fast as I could and since I was so focused on finishing the essay on time, I forgot to put in a few points that were the key ingredients in making my essay a brilliant one. There was no conflict, the ending was rushed and it was all crap. CRAAPPP. I thought I was the only one who didn't get to finish my essay but apparently, a few of my friends too didn't manage to finish theirs. It was just so hard and it felt like time was flying twice as fast. I was writing so much in so little time that again, I've acquired a blister on my thumb from the friction with the rubber grip on my pen.

Oh, and about my pen? The ink was starting to fade as I finished my first essay -_-

I wanted to cry after the paper ended because English is one of the subjects I rely on to get an A. As class ended, I thought to myself, there goes my A for English. Damn it.

I went home from school at 2.30pm today. I usually stay back until 2.30 on Fridays so that my father can go to the mosque and carry out his Friday prayers before picking me up. Hehe. Anyway, Atasha and I planned to have a study group, so Tasha and Ash joined in as well. Weee! Before we started the studying, we bought some ice-creams for ourselves and ate them while we were fooling around like some weird species of chimpanzees. Ash paid for my ice cream, yaaay! Love you Babubu! Tasha was so blur. Haha.

After that, we went to sit underneath the frangipani tree and started studying. Ash taught me a bit on Math, she was explaining to me about sets and each time we said the word "sets", we had to make sure it didn't sound like "sex". Haha. So that's why when we wanted to say sets, we say, "setttssss not seexxx." -_- Can't they name the sets thing with something else? Sheesh.

When I got the whole thing understood, I started revising on Physics. Atasha is pretty good in Physics, so I had her explain to me a few things from Chapter 2 of our syllabus, the longest, hardest, most confusing chapter in the textbook. Man do I have a lot to revise -_-

We're having Math on Monday and I really hope I can get at least an A- on this. An A would be better, without the minus. A+ would be fantastically brilliantly fantastic and brilliant! Right now, I'm relying on Math, Addmath, and Physics for the A's in my report card. I really hope I can get an A on these three subjects, and also English. I must be categorized under one of the top 10 students in my class. I HAVE TO. Or else Mama will kill me.

Boy I'm tired. We're going out for dinner tonight. I hear my brother plans to buy us steak. Weee!

Thursday, October 7

5:49 PM

I kid you not, it really is a gloomy day. I feel so gloomy.

Today is the starting of the final year exams. It's only the first day and I can't wait for this whole thing to be over and done with so that I can finally relax a bit. I'm not freaking out so much about it, I'm just stressed and I'm worried that I won't achieve good results. Sigh.

Our first and only subject today was BM. Kertas 1 was alright. For the second essay, we were able to choose between five different situations. I, for one, wasted 45 minutes on one particular question, a continuous writing essay where the question provided the opening to what seemed like a really depressing story, and we had to continue. I wasted 45 minutes on that question and in the end, seeming as if my story was going nowhere, I discarded it and asked for a new piece of paper and in the end I answered Question 1, where we had to write a letter to a pen-pal about the social phenomenas that's been going around a lot lately.

Anyway. Kertas 2 was so-so, most of the questions were about the literature components that we study in school. So, yeah, it was alright.

And, I do not know why whenever we do exercises for BM, something about unity always, always has to come out! It's always all about unity. *Monotone robot voice* Perpaduan antara kaum. God! The topic gets on my nerves! During Kertas 1 this morning, it was all about *monotone robot voice* Perpaduan antara kaum. I rolled my eyes when I read the question. I mean, come on, how many times has this particular topic popped up into the exam papers? Countless. It's starting to get really lame. I silently swore to myself that if I ever see another question on *monotone robot voice* Perpaduan antara kaum, I'm gonna shoot myself. So lame la the topic -_-

I've written so much today that I've acquired a blister at my thumb from the friction with the rubber grip on my pen. It doesn't hurt that much, but it's quite tender to the touch. I'm guessing that I'll have to wrap a bandage around my thumb tomorrow to avoid the blister from getting any worse. I have English tomorrow, so we've got a couple more essays to write.

Yay.

I went home from school quite late today. I left the school compound at around 2.30pm since I had a meeting with my fellow editorial board members. We finished half-an-hour earlier than I thought, so while waiting for my father to come pick me up, I sat with Dian and Kani at the back of the canteen and we watched the third formers hyperventilating anxiously while they were lining up in the front of the canteen before heading into the exam hall. I silently thought, they are so lucky. Why? Because they're still in Form 3, and they're only sitting for PMR. Sure, I used to think that PMR was hard, but to think that now would just make me foolish. Form 4 is harder and is nothing like lower secondary. Nearly everything must be answered subjectively which just makes it twice as hard.

You think PMR is hard? Wait till you get to Form 4.

Haha, so motivating -_- I watched as the third formers were busily discussing what they've studied with each other and I really miss the time I sat for PMR last year. All that fuss and anxiety and hyperventilation, I really do miss it. The weather today, which is cloudy and slightly cool, was pretty much like how the weather was when I was sitting for PMR last year and at the same time, a swarm of bittersweet memories hit me like a tidal wave and I felt that yearning to go back to last year and resit my PMR exam. Haha. But of course, I can't do that. Obviously.

Oh well.

I can't wait for finals to end! And I wonder how tough English is going to be tomorrow. Looks like I have a date with the dictionary tonight. Tataa!

Wednesday, October 6

6:57 PM

Today, I learned that you can discreetly call someone stupid =)

Just tell them that they have a very reflective mind. Haha.

Earlier today I was thinking of signing up for another subject for SPM next year. Oh my God, SPM. Lari topic jap. Last year it was all about PMR. PMR PMR PMR. Right now the third formers are sitting for their PMR exams, and I really hope they're doing well. Anyway, last year I used to think that PMR was the hardest exam. And I used to be so stressed about it, worrying about very poor results and all. But, heh, SPM is nothing like PMR. I mean, being in Form 4 is a totally opposite world from being in lower secondary. The questions provided are more to testing your thinking skills, and of course they test your knowledge, too, but well, higher secondary is all about sharpening your thinking skills and brainstorming. Which is hard. Really.

The final year examinations are starting tomorrow and I am honestly not prepared for it at all. I'm not doing well in school, I admit it. Please don't say I'm overreacting or I'm only being humble, I'm telling the truth. I'm really not doing well in school. I just can't seem to get my hardworking, diligent fifteen-year-old self back and I can't lose her (as in my hardworking, diligent fifteen-year-old self). I haven't gotten more than four solid A's in my report card, and sometimes those A's that I get are just by luck. I don't know what is wrong with me this year. Is it because of the fact that I know there won't be a huge exam this year, and I feel ignorant? I don't know. Or maybe I'm too caught up with extra-curricular activities, and my part-time job, and maybe Facebook. Eheh. I really don't know, but I've been telling myself the same thing over and over again. BUCK UP.

I'm really trying hard to be listed in the top 10 achievers of my class. For the previous exam, I was placed 3rd in my class, which was a really good improvement. I can't go below than that now. It'd be so satisfying to be placed 1st or 2nd or 3rd in my class, because whoever gets placed 1st, 2nd, and 3rd for the final year exam in their classes get to go up on stage and get their certificates next year. Sigh. That seems like a really tough milestone for me. Tough, alright, but not impossible.

Maybe that's what I should tell myself time and time again. To be at the top is tough, hard, and stressful. But it's not impossible =)

Anyway, as I was saying, I'm planning to sign up for the tenth subject next year for SPM. I'm planning to sit for either Arts or Geography, I don't know which one. Earlier today I went to the school library and I found a Geography revision book from one of the bookshelves. So I leafed through the pages and it seems to me that the first half of the Form 4 syllabus is a repetition of the lower secondary's syllabus. I thought I can manage that, because it's a repetition after all. As for the second half of the syllabus, I thought maybe I can learn by myself during the school holidays. And next year, when school reopens, I can officially sign up for Geography and attend the classes and I will fall in line with the rest.

I think that's a pretty good idea, as it's going to help me in my SPM later. And who knows, maybe after I finish my SPM, I might just be interested in a field that requires Geography. I'm really good at Geography and I really love studying about the universe. The knowledge might not be useful to me now, but it just makes me feel good to know so much about the world =)

But just in case I'm not taking Geography...

Nur Iman Nedhiera. 9A's. Amin.

INSYAALLAH =)

Monday, October 4

5:12 PM

Trust. I wonder what that means.

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