Iman Nedhiera

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Intensely passionate about photography and other artsy fartsy farts. An avid nature-lover. Highly obsessed with sunny afternoons and evenings, funky-looking clouds, and sunsets. Deeply infatuated with all things old, vintage, and kitschy. Highly sentimental. An enthusiast in baking, photography, and music :)


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Wednesday, January 28
4:35 PM

A few days ago, I was dreading to leave KL for Kelantan in order to visit my grandmother. I didn't want to go so badly that I even pulled off my little not-talking-to-anyone stunt, which pathetically didn't work. Well, I can't say I regretted going to Kelantan now, can I?

On the first day, the day that we left KL, I was mostly feeling glum and morose. Every second I was led away from my house, every second I dreaded. We were taking the highway -- obviously. Along the two way roads of the highway, there were trees. Lots and lots of trees. Not out of a sight for even one second. And evidently, the trees made me feel whole, calm, serene. The trees looked so peaceful and quiet, just swaying their leaves and little branches in the wind.

There was this time when we came across this one species of trees. I don't know what they are called but in a way, they are really pretty. There were quite a number of those trees that we came across.

First of all, these particular trees didn't have many leaves on them. They were stark naked, some still had a bunch of leaves at their branches. The thin trunks and the wiry branches were gray, completely gray. Not brown, not like any other tree. From far, these trees would look like some kind of fungus growing on the mountains. In a way, they popped out from other trees, in spite of the naked gray branches. They looked so soft and pretty, and the cloudy weather was inevitably the perfect mate.

On the second day, that's when the adventure began. We -- my parents, my sister and I -- started off our day by having an early lunch at a restaurant near a beach. As I got down from the car, I could feel the strong gushing wind caressing my hair. The wind was very strong, and a bit chilly too. As for the restaurant where we ate? The food was spectacular!

After that, we went to Pantai Cahaya Bulan, another famous beach in Kelantan. We didn't linger much, but we just watched as the waves of the beach crashing into the sand.

Later that day, my mother was so determined to visit a batik galore. So my father drove us to a batik shop, which I forgot the name. On the ground floor of the building where the batik are sold, there's a small carpark for the customers to park their cars. On the first floor, that was where the batik and songkets and etcetera are sold. The whole floor was covered with different kinds of batik and songkets, with different colours and different designs, and also different types of cloth from cotton to rayon. As for the second floor, it's actually a house. That's where the owner of the batik galore and his/her family reside.

We had spent about three hours at the batik galore. We spent about a nearly whopping RM2000 -- yes, two thousand -- on different kinds of batik and etcetera. I got a kaftan which looks like a kimono, with the V-neck and the sakura flowers designated on the kaftan.

After spending our time at the batik galore, we visited our late Tok Musa's house. We visited his wife and his children, talked and talked and talked, and then we left.

I was really looking forward to this part of the trip; going to the beach and just sit there watching the waves crash by. At about 6pm, we went to Pantai Seri Tujoh, another popular beach. As we arrived at the entrance, we were greeted by sort of a tiny lake and lots of fir trees surrounding it. As we drove further, that's where the beach was located. The beach was hidden by the fir trees.

I love those fir trees. They look so beautiful, so clean and fresh. The leaves look so soft from far, but are actually hard and pointy once you touch them. Not only that, they also make the whole place look like some place in Switzerland, so natural and fresh.

So we stayed there for about an hour. Kak Lea and I got into snapping photographic memories of the beach while watching the waves of the waters crash by, getting stronger and stronger by the minute. Pantai Seri Tujoh is a beautiful place for family outings. You can even set up a campfire!

While we were having dinner somewhere near the beach, I saw a mature looking boy -- probably about seventeen? -- and his little sister -- probably about four or five years old -- playing with each other. There was this one time when the boy put his arm around his little sister and played with her. When I looked at them, I saw a bare resemblance of my brother and I. My brother just loooooves to bully me around, even until now [thanks braderrr]. I realised then how much I missed my brother. HAHA

On the third day, I was kind of sad to leave Kelantan. At first I was so dreading to go, but in the end I had fun. I had tons of fun during the trip. I got to visit my grandmother who now looks so healthy, I got to taste a little bit of the original pure Kelantanese food, and many more. I seriously had fun. No doubts.



Saturday, January 24
5:51 PM

Ever since last night, I've been worrying about my diet. I know, I know, you're thinking that people like me with tiny body frames would go on a stupid unhealthy diet like eating leaves for every meal. Well, that's why I'm not. Not going to go on the stupid diet, I mean. They're unhealthy, and reality check, you can go through a minor system shutdown.

Last night I ate a whopping plate of spaghetti, which I reheated it myself. I finished it all, just for the sake of finishing it. So I did. After dinner, I went to Ikano with my sister and my mum. We were planning to buy just some pillows for my sister, but we ended up with a whole trolley-load of cushions! Cushions for the kitchen dining table, cushions for the living room, a wicked awesome vintage cushion for me, and the sea-anemone-ish cushion for Kakcik. About 40% of energy was being used.

After that, I was suddenly craving for an ice-cream because I saw one person at Ikano having a yummy looking ice-cream cone. I was only going for the typical ice-cream-in-a-cone, but we'd ended up going to A&W for the ice-cream. I ordered the smallest ice-cream that they sell there, which is the Chocolate Eclair. And trust me, the portion is not really so small. Two scoops of vanilla ice-cream, topped with a huge dollop of whipped cream, finished with oozing chocolate sauce, sprinkled with nuts, and ooohhh the icing on the cake was the cherry. Yep. A serving of pure guilt.

I'm not surprised that I ate it all. Plus half of the portion of curly fries served and an onion ring. Spankin'!

About an hour after the ice-cream, my feet automatically carried me to bed.

This morning, I was woken up by the sound of my phone. "Do it Well" by Jennifer Lopez rung so loud that my heart stammered like a busy factory. It was actually a call from Abg Azlan, but I thought it was my alarm so I rejected it. Then I received a message. It was from Abg Azlan, too. He said he'd left a few packs of nasi lemak which hung at the gate for us. *Sooooo sweet, hahaha*

Due to the appearance of the good-looking nasi lemak, I ate it. I only ate half of the portion in one pack. I finished my early breakfast with a small carton of Anlene milk.

For lunch, at first I ate two slices of bread. Just on its own, no butter, no nothing. Just the plain bread. And then, my taste buds worked together with my lust. I was craving for toasted bread, spread with butter and sprinkled with sugar; the typical before-school breakfast I used to have when I was just a wee kid. So that's what I did. And I ended up with two slices of bread, spread with butter, and sprinkled with sugar. I had eaten four slices of bread at one time. To me, it's a little too much. I don't really eat a lot.

About an hour after that, I had no idea what to do. So I decided to start on my homework, which is left piling on top of my desk. As I began to start on it, suddenly I was in the mood to clean my room. Spring cleaning, awesome.

So that's what I did. Clean my room, I mean. I scrubbed and brushed and wiped and organised the things in my room. I did the usuals; dust off my bookshelf, my bedside table, my desk, my dresser, etc. And then I mopped the light-beige floor tiles. It all took me about. . .an hour and a half. Not only did it make my room cleaner than before, it also made my fingers feel rough and scaly. Same goes to my hands.

I don't know why I did what I did, but I somehow ended up cleaning the bathroom as well. I scrubbed the inside of the sink and the outer side of the toilet bowl. Then I removed the rug in the bathroom and I sprayed the floor with water, mixed with detergent. Now the whole room smells like oranges while my room smells like lavender.

I guess I shouldn't feel guilty about eating so much. Cleaning my room (and the bathroom, thanks to me, KAKCIK haha) took a lot out of me. Right now, I literally feel like as if I'm going to black out soon.

And I just discovered one thing. I can now get awesome internet coverage in my room. Sweet!



Thursday, January 22
6:26 PM

I feel very sleepy. Lately I haven't been getting enough sleep, which results me into taking a nap in the evening, which I never got hold of that habit. But I can't sleep now, I've got piles of homework to be done.

As I was in class, I was very sleepy. My eyelids felt so heavy and I had difficulty in keeping my eyes open. When my teacher was teaching us the history on the Malayan Union, I didn't feel so sleepy. . .yet. And surprisingly, history wasn't boring. Last year, I've been dreading history. Stupid Francis Light taking over some lands and stuff, and some boring agreements and deals, blah dee blah blah. Form two's history is without a doubt . . . boring. But form three's syllabus for history is not boring, actually. I'm surprised to find myself remembering the important facts. Woohoo!

By the time it was Science, which was right after recess, my eyelids were heavier than a whale. I wanted so badly to shut my eyes and just drift off to a nice sleep. While my teacher was explaining on how a human heart works, I was frequently yawning. I was feeling very sleepy, and the cool temperature of the lab inevitably didn't help. So I fought the sleepiness, trying so hard to listen to what my teacher was teaching.

My favourite time during school today was during Agama. It was boisterously hilarious! My teacher was teaching us on how to do our prayers when we aren't able to move so much, so she had alloted a few of my classmates to go in front and demonstrate. I was very lucky, because I wasn't appointed to demonstrate. I didn't want to. But. . .unlucky for my classmate who sat next to me, she had to demonstrate how to do our prayers in a sitting position.

Man, Liyana was hilarious. She demoed the moves on a table, so that all of us could see. While our teacher explained what she had to elucidate, Liyana did what she was told to. There was this one time when she had to bow down from a sitting position. She sat on her feet and her upper torso was bent down, until her forehead touched the floor. Nothing funny about that yet, right? Well, when she was in that position, directly in front of her was my other good classmate; Ama. I don't know why, but there was just something funny about it. Liyana bowing down to Ama, it's just funny. The whole class boomed with laughter, including myself, when that happened, and other funny things as well.

Unfortunately, my mood was completely torn down as I was going home from school. My dad had said that I have to go to Kelantan on Saturday until Monday. Truth? I don't want to go. I mean, it's not that I don't want to see my relatives, it's just that the long eight-hour journey literally makes me sick. Honestly, I get claustrophobic whenever I'm in a car for more than three hours. The small space just gives me the creeps. Don't ask. Second of all, I hate to travel long-distance. Especially by car. I'm the kind who needs to walk after every hour. Even ten or fifteen paces would be enough. As long as I get to move my feet, one after another. Translation; a walk.

Right now, dressed in a comfy dark blue shirt and a breezy dark blue pants, I feel sooooo relaxed. I'm certainly not looking forward to tomorrow. Singing. . .? Nope, not my stuff, sorry.



Tuesday, January 20
4:45 PM

I miss my brother. Yep. Buuuuut last night I got an opportunity to talk to my goofy brother.

Ha, tengah buat apa tu?
Nyeehhh watching TV.
Don't you have anything else to do?
Apart from bothering you. . . nope.
Ha ha. How's tuition?
It's okay, I guess.
Are there any hot guys there? Heh heh
WHAT?
Ala, usually kan orang pergi tuition because of that. Haha.
*speechless* Nope.

I wonder when he'll be back home. Obviously he's not coming home this month, but sometime at the end of February. Dangggg.

The weather's been pretty hot nowadays. As I was walking to my transport back home after school, I could feel the sun rays hitting my skin. It burned and stung like little needles poking repetitively on my skin. Well, I can't complain on that. It's actually a nice sight to see the sun -- the almighty ball of fire! -- way up in the sky, shining as brightly as ever, with fluffs of white clouds covering the baby-blue sky. Despite the explicitly hot temperature, I think it's kind of good to have the sun up in the sky again. By afternoon it would be freaking hot, but by evening the clouds would cover the whole sky, giving us a hefty amount of shade.

In less than four weeks, us form threes would sit for our Ujian Intervensi, or whatever you call it. On the bright side, we won't sit for the first monthly examination. Woot!




Monday, January 19
9:10 PM

I speak for a dearly beloved.

Who. . . no. . . what are you to condemn and insult my sister? What are you to ruin her life and make her feel so angry and pissed? Why are you being such a total LOSER who is so inferior?

She didn't even know you existed. Well, until you showed up and started insulting her right in the face, that's when she found out that a crude person like you existed in this world. She's completely innocent. Her hands are clean -- notice the present tense -- not dirty like yours. She's independent and strong, whereas you are insecure and hands down inferior.

You, human, are a really mean person. You suck, you suck like there's no tomorrow. I don't freaking care if you read this and feel so bad, because you ought to know somehow. You're a stupid BITCH -- RIGHT BACK AT YOU -- who loves to condemn and insult a family member of mine. You think you're so cool, insulting her like that. Trust me, you're nowhere near cool. You don't even pass for . . . I don't know . . . a normal human.

What has she done to you? Are you completely jealous of her? Well, that's too bad. She's smart, she's intelligent, she's pretty and cute, she has the looks AND the brains. Unlike you. Look man, if you want the brains, GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Have you ever heard of READING?

For your information, my sister is a really cool person. She doesn't suck like you, she's not a pathetic loser who applies her insecurities to other people, and she doesn't talk bad about other people, ESPECIALLY right to their faces. My goodness, you are such a pathetic loser, I tell you.

My sister is NOT a slut OR a bitch. She's a clean and decent person, unlike you. It's either you don't know what the words "slut" or "bitch" mean or you're just completely ashamed of your insecurities. We have our insecurities too, but we don't use them to condemn other people. ESPECIALLY innocent people who don't even know we exist. As far as I'm concerned, I've never seen my sister, or any other family member of mine, dress up like a fancy doll to impress other people; specifically the opposite sex. My SISTER is NOT a slut. She doesn't have time to impress other people, right sis?

I am explicitly PROUD to have a sister like well, my sister. She's different unlike any other person in the world. You condemn her, you insult her, all you're gonna get is a chuckle of I-don't-care. Girls are so stupid. Seriously. They tend to let jealousy get in their ways.

And oh my goodness, the way you think that my sister started this whole thing first! Ugh, you have no idea how much it disgusts me. It's utterly repulsive, especially knowing the fact that you even include your parents to look at us like some beggars living on the curb of the street. WE have class, people like YOU don't.

Look, why not you just go and scatter off with your clones or your sluts and go condemn someone else who actually deserves it. My sister hadn't even done anything to you idiots. Heck, she didn't even know you existed! So why are you picking on her? What, jealous? Too bad man, she's lucky, unlike you. You're exactly like a total bitch from a TV show. Mind the obscene language, but it's true. People like YOU can only be considered as bitches who pick on other people because of their own insecurities. Inferior. I-N-F-E-R-I-O-R.

It doesn't even matter anyway, right sis? At least my sister is highly intelligent, unlike YOU. We'll see who will be the one with a successful career, and a really wicked pay, with a house that only millionaires can afford to buy.

I've seen you. You're utterly revolting to see. My first reaction when I first saw you? "MY EYES! MY EYES! SOMEBODY HELP ME! MY EYES ARE STINGING!" Ha. Ha. Ha. Oh God, you are freaking repulsive. Disgusting, filthy, pathetic little loser who has nothing better to do than to pick on other people. I swear, when you finally get a job -- probably sweeping the dusty KL roads, or the lunch lady in a school, or probably a janitor -- I'm sure YOU will get the same thing from everybody else. EVERYONE will condemn you.

So here's a little "treat" from me to you and your little troupe.

You're so fat, I think even a hippo can't ram you down.

Your hair is so wiry, I think you don't need a broom to become a janitor -- your hair's awesome for the part.

And oh, is your straight red hair natural? Coz it looks artificial to me. Or is it a wig? Seriously, it looks like a wig.

Oops, there I go again. Hee hee. Guess I got carried awaaaaayyy . . .

Karma. Let karma do its thing. We might suffer now, but who knows we might probably be euphoric and ecstatic in the future.

STOP PICKING ON MY SISTER AND GET YOUR OWN LIFE!



Saturday, January 17
4:16 PM

A few days ago, I've been injected at school. The nurse put some kind of good bacteria in my body to prevent lock-jaw in the future. And man, after the injection, that's when the pain came attacking.

When the nurse was slowly inserting the needle into my left upper arm, I didn't feel a thing. I didn't even feel the needle creating a really small dot on my arm. I thought it was going to be painful, like other injections are supposed to be. But it wasn't. When I got out of the room where the injection took place, that's when the pain started.

While I was walking to class, I felt a little light-headed. Apparently the injection made my head sway and me feeling a little high. Without realization, I was swaying from left to right while walking. I was relieved that I didn't faint.

Of course, the injection gave a huge bulge on my left arm. And obviously it is tender when you press it, let alone hitting it against a wall -- I've been through it, not good! Right now, the bulge is still present. I'm anticipating for its absence, whenever that will be. If you look at my arm, don't be surprised by the "muscular" facade. It's the bulge, not muscles. Since I have a downright tiny frame, the bulge looks bigger compared to the others who had the injection.

Today is a Saturday. Earlier today I went to school as a replacement for one of the holidays that are coming up. I don't know why I even bothered to go.

During PJK, we learned about obesity. We also learned how to calculate our Body Mass Index. I calculated mine and I wasn't surprised to find myself under the classification of "Too Light" or "Below Normal". Like I said, I have a tiny body frame. I weigh at only 35kg, and my height is only 155cm. The BMI which falls under the classification of "Normal" is 16 to 24, in the Malaysian standard, not the international. Overall, I got a total BMI of fourteen . . . point six, heehee.

I'm currently pissed. I hate when people put on a stupid facade and try to get my attention. It's utterly repulsive and at the same time. . .what the hell are you thinking? I mean, it's so annoying when people try to pretend so that I'd think that they're nice and all of that crap. It's so obvious that the silly facade is starting to wear off. Caught busted, dude!

So called "innocent". Pfft.



Monday, January 12
5:16 PM

Two days ago, I woke up with a sore throat. It was hard to swallow and even harder to talk.

The next day, I woke up with a voice so hoarse and deep that it sounded like a man's [as said by Kakcik].

Earlier today, when I woke up for school in the morning, my nose was all runny and my voice changed. That's right, I'm having the flu.

When I first woke up today, I wasn't in such a bad condition. Sure, my nose was runny and my voice changed, but I didn't feel so terrible. But as the hours flew by, I was starting to feel drowsy and tired. When everyone else was feeling hot and sweaty, I was feeling cold like as if I was in an air-conditioned room.

When I got home, I was feeling very lethargic. I didn't even have the energy to go up the stairs, but I managed it pretty well. Then I just dumped all of my things on my dresser and I immediately lay down on the bed. I removed the kain of my baju kurung because the material was very thick and my legs needed some air. I felt really good while I was resting.

But I had to move fast. After about half an hour of twisting and turning on the bed, switching from one position to another due to my blocked nose, I knew I had to go and clean up. The weather wasn't pretty hot, but it wasn't that cold either. I could still feel the heat of the warm weather outside.

When I was showering, I felt my condition getting worse. My head started to spin and I could've sworn I felt myself sway from right to left as I was soaping my body. I showered with really warm water, and that even felt cold. My goosebumps literally rose as the water hit me. As usual, I didn't eat a full breakfast before I went to school; just milk and a banana, and obviously I didn't eat during recess due to the long line; I only had a can of Justea.

After showering, I went downstairs to eat my lunch. The food looked appetizing, but my appetite didn't open up. Instead, I grimaced at the Styrofoam filled with rice, fried chicken, and some gravy to go with it. I knew I wouldn't taste anything, so I just ate it like I didn't care. After all, I needed food. I topped the whole thing off with a heaping mug of hot Milo. I felt just a wee bit better.

Then I felt even more tired. I felt a little bit nauseous, but my head was spinning around like a very fast merry-go-round. I curled up on the sofa with the TV on, and eventually I drifted off into a half-hour worth of sleep. My body's temperature is so high, I think you can even fry an egg on my forehead.

I still remember the heaping pile of homework I have to finish by tomorrow. Great, my head is spinning, I feel very tired like as if I've just went jogging for two hours, and I have homework to finish by tomorrow. That's okay, right? I mean, after all, I'm a fighter. Fighters don't quit.

Let's just hope my condition is better tomorrow. Sick or not, I'm still going to school no matter what :)



Saturday, January 10
4:40 PM

I'm not feeling very well. My throat is sore and I keep on coughing. And oh, the pain when I cough! It's like having a swarm of ants biting at my throat. Eck!

I enjoyed last night. Why? Because I went to go and see a traditional Malay musical, "Mak Yung". I think it's a legend, I think. Or maybe it's an old tale, or a folklore, or blaaah. The language is of course, Malay, but with a rich and thick Kelantanese slang. I loved how the actors portrayed their roles. Obviously they'd put a hundred-percent effort in it.

I went with my mum and my sister, Kakcik. We were actually invited by our abang angkat [whatever you call it in English] so we just went along. I don't even know why I even bothered to go to the play. As soon as I heard my mum telling me about this musical, I suddenly felt like going. Just like that. Like as if I was controlled by another mind. Inevitably, musicals such as Makyung would be held at Istana Budaya.

I love Istana Budaya. It's such a nice place. But, on the contrary, there is one particular reason why I hate to go there. You have to wear formal clothes. I don't really have formal clothes, not much. Only like 1% of my whole wardrobe. In the end, I had my black jeans on [which didn't look so much like jeans] and Kak Lea's red long-sleeved Esprit button-up shirt. And for the first time, I was wearing my first wedges; black with white polka dots. I must say, I love how I looked last night. Red suits my skin tone perfectly, especially if there's black to complement the colour.

When we got into the small auditorium where the musical was held, something funny happened as we started to sit down. We were at one of the top rows, we had a really nice view. So I sat first, nearest to the aisle, followed by my mum, and then Kakcik. But, as Kakcik sat down, the whole row -- with only four seats -- tilted forward. It wasn't Kakcik's fault, we just had to lean on the seats. But it was kind of funny if you saw it happen.

Some of Abg Jo's friends, who happen to be our family friends, were sitting at the top row. They were kind enough to give us their seats so that they could sit at our assigned seats. But, as they sat, the seats didn't tilt forward. They were men, of course. As I watched them sit without difficulty, I had to bite my lip from laughing so hard. Us girls had sat at those seats, and we had tilted forward. But those guys didn't tilt forward. They were leaning against the seats, so I guess that's why they didn't tilt forward like we did.

The musical was a good three-hour event. I couldn't make out some of the words the actors were saying, but I had paid enough attention to know the whole story. Of course, I knew some of the Kelantanese words too, since my dad is a Kelantanese himself.

As we got out of the auditorium, I found myself shivering. My arms weren't that cold, but my teeth were chattering, and I didn't do it on purpose. I was so cold that even the warm night air wasn't enough to keep me warm.

After the musical, we, together with Abg Jo and his friends, went to eat at a restaurant. I didn't have my dinner before the musical last night, since I was still full from the late lunch. I love the place were we ate, the food was amazing! I shared a plate of Nasi Daging Merah with my mum, but she ate the most of it and I had no problem with that.

I think last night was a really lovely night. Kakcik and I chatted with a couple of our family friends, keeping each other updated with things. And I was surprised to find that one of them thought that I look like Sharifah Amani. He was the second person to tell me that, ha ha ha. Usually Kak Lea would get all the comments about her looking like Amani.

In about two and a half hours, I'm going to my first tuition class. I'm relieved to know that my tuition classes will be on Tuesday nights, instead of Saturdays. But I'm going tonight to make up the last Tuesday night that I missed. I'm taking Maths and Science; two of my favourite subjects.

And yep, I can't talk much. My voice is sort of hoarse and my throat is terribly sore.



Thursday, January 8
6:36 PM

Since yesterday, I've been hit by the early-morning-stomachache-attack. I don't know why, but they seem to occur only in the morning. Like yesterday, after I got out of the shower, I felt the twisting of my stomach. It was mild, but it felt like a really great burden to me. After drinking two glasses of water and a deep-heat oil spread over my stomach, I felt better in less than an hour.

But this morning, the attack came back. I don't know why I'm having this disturbance early in the morning. Well, actually, it's also a great thing, in a way. Cuz if I were to be hit by a stomachache in school, wow, I can be a real pain in the butt.

I shall refer to stomachaches as "attacks". They are evil and mean and they torture the crap out of me :)

The attack came back to me as I descended down the stairs to the kitchen. I'd planned to eat that delicious Cookies and Creme Pop Tart, but my appetite faded drastically as I was being hit by the evil attack. It wasn't as painful as yesterday, but it was still just as painful. I clutched my stomach in pure agony, just waiting for the stupid pain to go away.

I drank two glasses of water again. I'm starting to hate drinking a lot of water in the morning. Reason? Well, then I'd have to go and do my business in the school toilet -- the word "restroom" doesn't really fit the school's err...toilet -- and face the disgusting environment of the public place. I hate to go and do my business in the school toilet. It's smelly and dirty and simply repulsive. I could almost puke just entering that place.

I wasn't lucky this morning. I was curling up into a ball as much as possible while I was on the way to school. At the same time, I clutched my stomach so hard. I wanted the pain to go away. I thought of going back home as I was on the road, but I didn't want to burden my dad. I told myself that I was a fighter, a strong independent fighter, and that I could beat this painful ache at my tummy. I chanted God's name out loud in my head, over and over again, like a tape on loop.

Like I said, I wasn't lucky. By the time I got to school, the evil pain didn't fade away. . .yet. A few seconds after I'd arrived in front of the school canteen, I spotted Emma. Then we sat near a pole, so that I can lean on it while hugging my knees tightly -- and just wishing for the darn pain to GO AWAY.

Reading session had finished. My stomach still hurt. This ain't gonna be good.

Luckily though, the pain started to vanish gradually as I was in the assembly. I could feel my stomach relaxing and untwisting itself. I sighed in relief.

I just hope I won't get hit again tomorrow. I really hate stomachaches.

Nowadays, I see myself as a totally different person. Last year, I was the lazy I-don't-want-to-do-my-homework type of person. I had intentions of studying, but it soon faded away as I sat on my chair, facing the desk with the piles of homework on my table. But now . . . ? It's not like that anymore.

I thought that I would procrastinate again like I did last year. But I didn't. I was sort of surprised to find myself sitting on my chair again, facing my desk, my book on the table, in the evening. I would never do that; homework in the evening, I mean. It just came to me automatically, I guess. I mean, the intention to finish my homework as soon as possible, it just came to me, naturally.

I'm proud of myself due to two reasons;
  • I was a fighter. Scratch that, I am a fighter. I fought the stomachache which I feared so much -- don't ask -- and I still had the urge to go to school, even with my stomach twisting like a vortex. And plus, I fought my personal problems away to make room for my studies.
  • I actually feel like a real student, somehow. Don't ask :)
Tomorrow is a new day and it's so whimsical why I'm so excited.



Wednesday, January 7
6:23 PM

The third day of school wasn't so bad. It's actually better than yesterday and the day before.

About half an hour before my dad drove me to school, I suffered from a really bad stomachache. I'm a really cranky person whenever I get hit by stomachaches; I happen to be scared of it -- due to my one-whole-week of bad experience back in 2006. The pain was excruciating. I couldn't eat anything, afraid to puke (just in case). So instead, I drank two glasses of water, which is like 50% more than my daily consume of water, heh heh.

When I was curling up on the couch, hugging my knees so impossibly tight, I started to feel nauseous due to the water I'd just consumed. I was laying on my side, curled up into a tight ball. I felt the water coming back up my throat, I could feel the coldness of the water rising back up. Then I sat straight, still in a ball, but still in pain.

My parents had given me two choices; to go or not to go to school. I did not want to not go to school, because today happened to be the day when we're supposed to sign up for our co-curriculum activities. So obviously I chose to go to school.

While in the car, I was a little bit relaxed. I was still curled up, so I decided to close my eyes and take a short nap, or until the pain relaxes. I only closed my eyes for a few minutes. Luckily, soon enough, the pain was gone. As soon as I arrived at school, the pain was gone! And after that, I didn't feel the pain at all.

My guess is that maybe it was the sambal I consumed last night for dinner. My mum made a really delicious and really, really spicy sambal as a dip for dinner last night. So I ate like a whole teaspoon of it, as a dip for my fish, of course. It was so spicy! Even with one ginormous scoop of sweet condensed milk, the spicy-ness was still mild on my tongue.

I was very lucky today due to two theories; the stomachache gone by the time I arrived at school, and the opportunity I had to join the Photography club in school. I knew, the chances of joining the Photography club seemed to be . . . hmm . . . completely nil. A lot of people wanted to join this particular club, and I don't know why.

A few minutes after I queued at the sign-up line, the Photography club was already closed. I groaned in disappointment. But, I didn't leave the spot yet. I saw a few girls going up to the counter and asking something to the prefects who took care of the counter. Then I saw one of the girls writing down their names. I got curious, so I trotted to the counter. I overheard the prefect saying that if you have an SLR camera, you may join, even though it's already closed.

I felt like as if I was on cloud nine. I felt like flying without wings. Okay, that sounds a bit too melodramatic, scratch that. I asked the prefect if I may join, because technically, I do have an SLR camera. I think you didn't read the sentence clearly, I said, TECHNICALLY I do have an SLR camera. Not literally. Literally, it's Kak Lea's, heh heh. Without hesitation, I quickly jotted down my name. Score!

Right now, I have a lot of free time. My homework's done, my school clothes are washed, my books are wrapped, and I'm completely freeeeeeeee.



Monday, January 5
4:54 PM

The first day of school wasn't that enjoyable. I only enjoyed the hour before I went into my dad's car to school.

I got elected as the Ketua Freaking Kebersihan, for the second time of my intoxicated life. Thanks a lot guys, thanks so bloody damn much to your graves.

I really love the teachers who entered my class on the first day. They were really stern, but at the same time nice. They motivated us and in a way, they inspired me. They told my class and I about working hard and studying well. But the way they said it, it's not the you're-so-annoying-don't-talk-to-me kind of way, but more to the gentle and motivating way. If you know what I mean.

In a freakish way, my BM teacher astoundingly reminds me of my mum. I mean, the way my teacher puts her tudung on her head, her aunty-ish handbag/tote, and the way she talks, my GOODNESS she reminds me exactly like my mum. Especially the way my teacher talks. Very smooth, very calm and gentle, but stern. Let's just hope I won't slip and call her "Mama" in the future.

Apart from my being elected as the Ketua Freaking Kebersihan, I think I'm going to be okay. I'm loving my new teachers, I got one of the best seats in front so that I can concentrate more, and I'm really looking forward to learning new things.

Honestly, I feel very inspired and motivated. Last year was messed up and wickedly out of control, but it made me stronger in a way. It made me become more motivated and inspired to learn more and to study harder. My grades weren't really the best last year, so I'm planning on improving drastically massive. It would be so cool if I could stun my teachers by my intelligence and be the best in class. Oooooh [yeah I'm a nerd, so sue me for being one].

Tomorrow will be the second day of school for the year. Wow, time flies by so fast, don't you think? It seemed like just an hour ago I was waking up from my very-light sleep to get ready for school.



Sunday, January 4
1:00 PM

Eh, esok ada orang sekolah lah!

Wooooooohooo! Esok ada orang sekolah!

Yeah, I'm going to school tomorrow. Well, better enjoy my absence while it lasts. I'm only gone half the day. Pfft.

Whatever. School's tomorrow, it's in the morning, and I'm ready to go. I'm ready to do my job as a student [yeah lah, call me a nerd, screw you].

And . . .

Why must everyone use lame attempts of sarcasm against me? Obviously they don't know that I fight fire . . . with fire. Muahahahahahaha!

Oh oh! About an hour ago, I went to an optical store to get my eyesight checked. I made new specs, which will be done in about a week. Since it's my first time having my own pair of spectacles, I only chose the affordable frames. My specs didn't cost much. Thankfully it's less than RM250, which is enough for a girl my age.

I'm getting new specs! And it looks almost like yours! Haha
Nerdo.
Consider yourself a nerd too. Cuz my new specs is 90 percent like yours. Buahaha!
**tak reply**

I'm a nerd now, eh, Kak Lea? Hahahahaha



Friday, January 2
10:16 PM

Earlier today I watched a movie called Phat Girlz. It was a funny yet very touchy and sensitive movie. In case you didn't know, it's a movie about a plum (I don't think the word "fat" is appropriate to use) girl who loves fashion designing. She's conscious about her weight, but at the same time she's proud and confident about it. She's independent and not insecure like her best friend, Stacey.

The movie really touched me because of Jazmin, the main character. I just love the way she portrays her role. Then I thought to myself, why can't everyone be like her? Her obesity evidently didn't stop her from chasing her dream. Despite Jazmin's size, her attitude is like a peacock. Proud and confident. She literally punches everyone who stays in her way.

This is my blog. I'm only voicing out my opinions. So if you feel a wee bit offended, don't take it seriously. I'm not addressing anyone by sharing my opinions.

All I'm saying is, the size of your body shouldn't stop you from achieving your dream. Like Jazmin in the movie, she's funny and attractive and knows what to do with her body. And really, if your body size is like Paris Hilton's, don't immediately say that you're a fat pig. If Paris Hilton is called "fat", then what's Jazmin in Phat Girlz?

A few hours ago before I went out to dinner with my parents, I watched the news with my sister and my parents. The news was shocking. My eyes widened in awe as I watched the horrible, violent, disgusting video screened on the TV. It was war, definitely.

Usually I wasn't even bothered about what's going on around the world, but this one really shocked me. The Israel citizens are attacking Palestine, and unfortunately Palestine is unprotected, powerless, and weaponless. I'm not exactly sure of why the Israels are doing this, but man, steam was starting to escape through my nose and ears.

I hate wars. I never liked wars. Well, who doesn't, right? I really feel sorry for the Palestine citizens. They don't have an army like the Israels, they don't have weapons to defend themselves, and they don't have anything to protect themselves. Imagine if our country is being attacked. Wow.

While I was watching the news, I just felt like bashing the TV. I had this crazy but impossible idea; I wanted to bury bombs under the grounds of Israel and watch it explode. I wanted to watch the Israels suffer -- not to mention having the taste of their own medicine -- after what they did to Palestine.

Not only that, even the children in Palestine are exposed to this crazy war. Children! That is completely inhuman.

I saw blood and suffering bodies. Children badly damaged, adults crying and moping of their lost loved ones. How cruel can humans be? What ever happened to humanity? Whatever happened to civilization and mankind? Why is the world so cruel and obscene? Why can't we ever live in peace and harmony without wars?

That's a really simple answer.

These people don't have humanity and mankind. No sense of manhood and brotherly-bond. These people are mean, cruel, and heartless.

But that's okay, when this whole world ends, their welcomed stay in hell is explicitly boundless.



Thursday, January 1
8:46 PM

Today is the first of January, 2009. We've left the past year and we're moving on to the next. A new year, new challenges to face.

Earlier today I went to two weddings. I somehow felt a little cheery and skippy-diddle-doo today. Well, I had to tag along with my family to the weddings anyway. I was the only one at home [ and apparently my parents aren't happy with that, which I find it odd since they were okay with me being home alone when I was twelve ].

The weddings were okay, though I didn't eat much. I only had a small plate of nasi briyani and some pudding at the first wedding. At the second wedding, I only ate some cookies. The second wedding was far away at Gombak, and by the time I got there I had my why-did-I-even-choose-to-come-here face. I was surprisingly sleepy at that moment.

When I got home, the first thing I did was slump over my bed. I was sprawled across the queen bed, with the super duper comfortable mattress laying underneath my stomach. Nothing beats my bed, seriously. It's so comfortable, but not springy like the ones you'd find in Ikea, but it was comfortable alright.

By 6.30pm, the back porch was already smokin'! No, literally.

My dad had set up the barbecue grill at the back porch. Smoke was everywhere until it even fogged the house. I was excited for the barbecue to start, don't ask.

I helped my dad out with the grill. I flipped over the marinated chickens -- which I marinated it with my bare hands last night, also with the help of my sister -- from time to time. It was kinda cool, and fun, despite the smoke getting into my eyes.

The chicken was nice. I love the sauce, it's so delicious. I had three pieces of BBQ chicken, hehe.

I know you're stalking me Kak Lea. I caught you a few minutes ago! Heh heh heh

School's starting in a few days. I'm pretty nervous. Gaaaarrgghhhh



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